How to Tell a Friend That His or Her Partner Is Cheating
Be sure., Get firm evidence., Consider what you know about the relationship., Weigh the pros and cons., Put yourself in your friend’s shoes., Avoid telling other mutual friends.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be sure.
Before you jump the gun and start dialing your friend to tattle, make sure what you saw was actually cheating.
You’ll stir the pot for no good reason if it turns out your friend’s partner is simply having lunch with a coworker or a distant relative.
Carefully evaluate what you saw just in case you are reading into something completely innocent.Was there hand-holding, hugging, or kissing involved? What about the interaction makes you think your friend’s partner is cheating? -
Step 2: Get firm evidence.
If you are absolutely sure the interaction falls under the category of infidelity, get proof.
You may not have to use this.
But, it’s better to have proof, just in case you decide to share the info and just in case your friend doesn’t believe you.
You might take a picture or record a video of your friend’s partner with their illicit lover.
Be discreet, if you decide to do this. , You must be willing to acknowledge the idea that your friend and their partner have an open relationship.
Such relationships, in which both partners agree to date other people, are becoming increasingly more common.
You could be assuming their partner is cheating, when they actually have permission to see other people.Some people in open relationships have an understanding between one another but may not share the dynamics of their relationship with family or friends.
Your friend may be perfectly okay with their partner dating someone else--they just may not have told you about it.
Sticking your nose in their relationship business could put both you and your friend in an awkward position. , Consider the ramifications of sharing what you know.
You might automatically feel like telling is the “right” thing to do, but it may not be what’s best for your friend.
Spend some time pondering the ups and downs of telling them.Make a pros and cons list that outlines the positives and negatives associated with breaking the news to your friend.
A pro might be “She’ll know her partner’s unfaithful.” Cons might include “She’ll be angry at me for delivering the news” or “She is already fragile from being cheated on in the past.
The news will ruin her.” , Another way to make this decision is by using empathy.
Ask yourself what your friend would do if they were in this position.
Consider what you know about your friend, their personality, and their beliefs.Are they a champion of being honest? Do they have trouble believing anything negative about their partner? Use what you know to consider how your friend might respond to the news and whether telling is the best decision. , Your first impulse may be to call up another pal and tell them what you know.
You may not do this to spread gossip necessarily, but to get their advice.
Don’t.
It may feel good to share the burden with another friend, but it’s disloyal.
Avoid discussing your friend’s personal business with anyone else who knows them or their partner.Talking to another mutual friend could start the rumor mill.
It may also create drama if your friend decides not to act on the information. -
Step 3: Consider what you know about the relationship.
-
Step 4: Weigh the pros and cons.
-
Step 5: Put yourself in your friend’s shoes.
-
Step 6: Avoid telling other mutual friends.
Detailed Guide
Before you jump the gun and start dialing your friend to tattle, make sure what you saw was actually cheating.
You’ll stir the pot for no good reason if it turns out your friend’s partner is simply having lunch with a coworker or a distant relative.
Carefully evaluate what you saw just in case you are reading into something completely innocent.Was there hand-holding, hugging, or kissing involved? What about the interaction makes you think your friend’s partner is cheating?
If you are absolutely sure the interaction falls under the category of infidelity, get proof.
You may not have to use this.
But, it’s better to have proof, just in case you decide to share the info and just in case your friend doesn’t believe you.
You might take a picture or record a video of your friend’s partner with their illicit lover.
Be discreet, if you decide to do this. , You must be willing to acknowledge the idea that your friend and their partner have an open relationship.
Such relationships, in which both partners agree to date other people, are becoming increasingly more common.
You could be assuming their partner is cheating, when they actually have permission to see other people.Some people in open relationships have an understanding between one another but may not share the dynamics of their relationship with family or friends.
Your friend may be perfectly okay with their partner dating someone else--they just may not have told you about it.
Sticking your nose in their relationship business could put both you and your friend in an awkward position. , Consider the ramifications of sharing what you know.
You might automatically feel like telling is the “right” thing to do, but it may not be what’s best for your friend.
Spend some time pondering the ups and downs of telling them.Make a pros and cons list that outlines the positives and negatives associated with breaking the news to your friend.
A pro might be “She’ll know her partner’s unfaithful.” Cons might include “She’ll be angry at me for delivering the news” or “She is already fragile from being cheated on in the past.
The news will ruin her.” , Another way to make this decision is by using empathy.
Ask yourself what your friend would do if they were in this position.
Consider what you know about your friend, their personality, and their beliefs.Are they a champion of being honest? Do they have trouble believing anything negative about their partner? Use what you know to consider how your friend might respond to the news and whether telling is the best decision. , Your first impulse may be to call up another pal and tell them what you know.
You may not do this to spread gossip necessarily, but to get their advice.
Don’t.
It may feel good to share the burden with another friend, but it’s disloyal.
Avoid discussing your friend’s personal business with anyone else who knows them or their partner.Talking to another mutual friend could start the rumor mill.
It may also create drama if your friend decides not to act on the information.
About the Author
Kevin Hernandez
Experienced content creator specializing in organization guides and tutorials.
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