How to Tell Your Boyfriend the Truth About How You Feel After Months of Lying

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Admit the lie to yourself first.

   Before you can admit your lies to your boyfriend, you must acknowledge them on your own.
   
   Sometimes, you can repeat a lie over and over again to the point that you start to believe it.
   
   In order to break this cycle, you must admit that there is a problem.Say it aloud to yourself: “I have been dishonest with Matt for a long time now.
   
   I need to tell the truth.” It may also help to share this admission with a friend.
   
   Confiding in someone else about your lies can serve as a way to practice coming clean to your boyfriend.
   
   Plus, if you choose someone who is understanding and supportive, he or she can give you the courage to finally tell the truth.
2. 2

   Step 2: Meet face-to-face with your boyfriend.

   It may be tempting to want to spill your guts over a phone call or a text message.
   
   However, coming clean after months of lying requires sensitivity in how you handle the situation.
   
   Set a date with your boyfriend ahead of time so that you can talk in-person without distractions.
   
   Leave your cell phone in another room.
   
   This is important not only to minimize distractions, but it will also reduce negative feelings.
   
   Studies show that when a pair is discussing a meaningful topic, the presence of a cell phone can increase feelings of distrust and compromise relationship quality., A full confession is best and will actually help you feel better about yourself.You may believe that a partial confession is more likely to preserve your boyfriend’s feelings (e.g. “If I tell him how long I’ve been lying, he will be devastated.”) Nonetheless, only coming halfway clean will simply reinforce your lying habit.
   
   Be completely honest about what you have been feeling.
   
   For instance, you might start off the discussion by saying something that denotes the seriousness of the situation and gets straight to the point. “I wanted to talk about my feelings for you…” or “I have been dishonest with you for a while now.
   
   I need to tell you the truth about my feelings…” is a forthright way to start the conversation. , “I” statements give you an opportunity to take ownership for your own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
   
   As opposed to “you” statements that trigger defensiveness, “I” statements build bridges to increase trust and openness.Be specific in your remarks while avoiding “should” statements or labels.
   
   Include your thoughts and feelings.
   
   An example of a potential “I” statement for this scenario might be: “I am feeling ashamed about not telling you the truth before now.
   
   I care about you and didn’t want to hurt you, but I know I have.” , Just as your wording should emphasize that you are taking full responsibility for your lie, your words should also reflect remorse.
   
   Let your boyfriend know how terrible you feel about lying.
   
   Being able to own up to your guilt is an integral part of moving forward.Tell him "I'm very sorry that I kept this from you.
   
   I feel ashamed, like I have disappointed you.
   
   I hope that you can come to forgive me someday." Take note that you can request forgiveness, but only he has the power to grant it to you. , Just as you should be forthright and take ownership of your lie, you also want to emphasize honesty going forward.
   
   If your boyfriend asks any clarifying questions about your deception, answer them as truthfully as you can.
   
   For example, if he asks “When did you know how you really felt?,” you need to be clear: “I have known that I was no longer in love with you since April.
   
   I just didn’t know how to tell you the truth.”
3. 3

   Step 3: Be forthright.

4. 4

   Step 4: Use “I” statements.

5. 5

   Step 5: Apologize.

6. 6

   Step 6: Answer any questions truthfully.

Detailed Guide

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