How to Win a Divorce Settlement
Meet with a lawyer., Identify your ideal child custody arrangements., Talk to your lawyer about child support., Create a budget., Decide if you want alimony., Pick what property you want., Decide how you want to divide debts., Collect important...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Meet with a lawyer.
Unless your divorce is uncontested, you can expect your spouse to lawyer up.
You’ll be at a disadvantage if you don’t have a lawyer, too.Find a qualified divorce lawyer by contacting your nearest bar association.
Always schedule a free consultation and check if you have compatible communication styles.
You’ll be working closely with your divorce lawyer, so you want someone you feel comfortable with. -
Step 2: Identify your ideal child custody arrangements.
Most jurisdictions expect both parents to be involved in their children’s lives.
However, one parent might have more physical custody than the other.
Decide what child custody arrangement you want.
Do you want to split custody 50/50? Do you want the kids with you during the week, but have them spend weekends with their other parent? Do you want your children living with you during the school year, but have them stay with the other parent during the summer? , States have a formula for determining child support, and your judge will follow it unless there are exceptional circumstances.For this reason, child support is usually the least contentious part of a divorce.
However, raise any unusual concerns you have with your lawyer.
For example, your child might be disabled.
In this situation, you can ask for more child support than what the state guidelines provide. , Figure out how much it costs for you to live.
You probably don’t know, especially if you need to find a new home after divorce.
You’ll also no longer be sharing expenses with someone else, so plan for that as well.
For example, if you want to keep the house, you’ll need to make mortgage payments and pay for upkeep.
Check if you can afford it., Courts usually award alimony (also called spousal maintenance) if you invested a lot of time and money into your spouse’s career.
For example, you might have worked while your spouse went to school or started a business.
You can also get alimony if you haven’t worked in a while and need extra education or training.
This alimony is designed to rehabilitate you so you can support yourself.You might qualify for alimony in other situations.
Talk with your lawyer to come up with an amount to ask for. , In a divorce, a judge also must divide your marital property.
Talk to your lawyer about what you want.
The house? One of the cars? Part of your spouse’s retirement account? Start this process by drafting a detailed list of all property you own as a couple.
States define marital property differently, so work with your lawyer to correctly identify what you own jointly with your spouse.
For example, in most states, you’re an owner only if your name is on the deed or title document.However, nine U.S. states are community property states.
In these states, the court will ignore the name on the title and instead ask whether either spouse bought the property while married.
If so, it’s marital property. , Marital debts will also need to be divided as part of your settlement.
You should come up with a list of debts and decide which ones you can afford to pay.
Marital debts are defined in much the same way as marital property.
In community property states, a marital debt is one either spouse took out while married.
In other states, a debt generally belongs to the person who took it out, unless the couple made a joint purchase with the money., Divorces involve a lot of paper, and you need to pull together various financial and personal documents ahead of time.
Gather the following:
Bank statements Tax returns Investment and brokerage account statements Retirement account statements Insurance policies Wills or trusts Vehicle registrations Deeds to all property Debt statements, such as credit card statements , You might think your spouse has bank accounts or other property you don’t know about.
When you file for divorce, each spouse must fully disclose their assets, but you might be worried your spouse will hide them.
Talk with your lawyer about your suspicions.
Once you file for divorce, you can serve subpoenas on financial institutions asking them to release their records.However, even before you file, your lawyer can investigate whether your spouse has assets hidden.
Your attorney might hire a forensic accountant to trace the cash flow.
Share as many financial documents as you can, such as tax returns, bank records, and credit card statements. , A prenup might stand in the way of a divorce settlement.
Judges typically enforce prenuptial agreements, but you can build a case that yours was obtained illegally.
Consider the following:
Were you rushed into signing it? For example, your spouse might have sprung it on you the weekend before your wedding.
A prenup agreement is only legal if you signed it voluntarily.
Did your spouse threaten you? You might have been coerced.
Generally, threatening not to marry you unless you sign isn’t coercion.
However, physical threats or verbal abuse will probably qualify.
Did you have your own lawyer? You should have.
If your lawyer represented your spouse also, then you can argue you didn’t sign the agreement voluntarily.
Did your spouse hide assets? If so, the agreement might be illegal. , Ideally, you won’t fight about child custody issues.
However, you’ll have a stronger negotiating position if you are prepared to go to court and fight for custody.
This means gathering proof to show a judge that you are a good parent.
Collect the following:
Testimony from child care workers and neighbors.
These people have seen you with your child and can testify that you have a loving relationship.
These witnesses are also unbiased, so a judge will give their testimony great weight.
Testimony from friends and family.
Anyone who has seen you with your child can testify as to the relationship.Pictures.
Document that you spend a lot of time with your child, and not just during special holidays. , Your spouse might try to keep you away from the children by claiming you are abusive or neglectful.
If so, you need to fight fire with fire.
You might never have to use this evidence, but it’s best to have it in reserve.
Ask yourself the following:
Has the other parent bonded with your children? If not, you can use this to your advantage if you ever go to court.
Does your spouse have a drug or alcohol addiction in the past? This is certainly relevant.
Is your spouse in poor physical health? After you file for divorce, you can get copies of your spouse’s medical records.
Does your spouse have a criminal record?A criminal record will make your spouse appear unfit.
Does your spouse have a new boyfriend or girlfriend? If they’re going to be around your children, then their reputation is fair game. , You can make a strong case for alimony by arguing you provided critical support to your spouse’s career.
Gather proof of the following:
If you paid your spouse’s tuition, find cancelled checks or other proof you made payment.
Write down the jobs and hours you worked.
For example, you might have taken on a second job to support the family while your spouse started their new business.
Find proof that you paid for your spouse’s expenses while they were getting themselves established.
Also document if you gave up job opportunities to help your spouse’s career. , Your spouse might be shocked, so schedule a time to talk when your children won't be around.
Ideally, you won’t spring the news during a major life event, such as a child’s graduation, an illness, or right after someone lost a job.Be compassionate but firm.
If they say, “Can’t we stay together?” you should simply respond, “No.” Use “I” statements, not “you” statements.
For example, “I need to move on with my life” is better than “You’re holding me back.” , Someone needs to get the ball rolling by filing.
Ideally, you’ll file first.
Your lawyer will draw up the necessary paperwork, which should include a petition and financial affidavits.
If you don’t file first, don’t worry.
You get to answer your spouse’s divorce petition and state what you want.
It’s possible to negotiate before filing for divorce.
Talk with your lawyer about what approach to take. , Your lawyer should write up a summary of everything you want and send it to your spouse’s lawyer.
This will start the settlement negotiations.
Avoid giving hard deadlines, such as “You have 72 hours to accept this.” Hard deadlines only increase tension.Instead, state that the contents of the proposal are fair and you await your spouse’s response. , Your lawyers might negotiate by telephone, but at some point everyone might need to come together to hammer out major disagreements.
Typically, you'll meet in a lawyer’s office.
If you don’t have an attorney, then you can participate in your court’s mandatory mediation program, which probably meets at the courthouse. , A nasty divorce will affect your children, so it’s best if you make a good faith attempt to reach agreement.
You might not get everything you want, but you should try to find common ground wherever possible.
Your spouse might refuse to settle the divorce otherwise.Negotiating in good faith doesn’t mean you are a pushover.
If your spouse and their lawyer want to play hardball, then you might have no choice but to do the same.
That’s why you spent time gathering helpful evidence in case you end up in court. , When you reach an agreement, type everything up and have both spouses sign.
This is your legal agreement.
You can submit it to the judge for their approval.
You might reach agreement on some issues (such as child custody) but not reach agreement on other issues (such as dividing marital assets).
That’s okay.
You’ve at least narrowed down the issues a judge will have to decide. -
Step 3: Talk to your lawyer about child support.
-
Step 4: Create a budget.
-
Step 5: Decide if you want alimony.
-
Step 6: Pick what property you want.
-
Step 7: Decide how you want to divide debts.
-
Step 8: Collect important documents.
-
Step 9: Find hidden assets.
-
Step 10: Break a prenuptial agreement.
-
Step 11: Document that you are a good parent.
-
Step 12: Find evidence to use against the other parent.
-
Step 13: Document how you supported your spouse’s career.
-
Step 14: Tell your spouse you want a divorce.
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Step 15: File for divorce.
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Step 16: Submit a settlement proposal.
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Step 17: Meet at a neutral location to negotiate.
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Step 18: Negotiate in good faith.
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Step 19: Write a settlement agreement.
Detailed Guide
Unless your divorce is uncontested, you can expect your spouse to lawyer up.
You’ll be at a disadvantage if you don’t have a lawyer, too.Find a qualified divorce lawyer by contacting your nearest bar association.
Always schedule a free consultation and check if you have compatible communication styles.
You’ll be working closely with your divorce lawyer, so you want someone you feel comfortable with.
Most jurisdictions expect both parents to be involved in their children’s lives.
However, one parent might have more physical custody than the other.
Decide what child custody arrangement you want.
Do you want to split custody 50/50? Do you want the kids with you during the week, but have them spend weekends with their other parent? Do you want your children living with you during the school year, but have them stay with the other parent during the summer? , States have a formula for determining child support, and your judge will follow it unless there are exceptional circumstances.For this reason, child support is usually the least contentious part of a divorce.
However, raise any unusual concerns you have with your lawyer.
For example, your child might be disabled.
In this situation, you can ask for more child support than what the state guidelines provide. , Figure out how much it costs for you to live.
You probably don’t know, especially if you need to find a new home after divorce.
You’ll also no longer be sharing expenses with someone else, so plan for that as well.
For example, if you want to keep the house, you’ll need to make mortgage payments and pay for upkeep.
Check if you can afford it., Courts usually award alimony (also called spousal maintenance) if you invested a lot of time and money into your spouse’s career.
For example, you might have worked while your spouse went to school or started a business.
You can also get alimony if you haven’t worked in a while and need extra education or training.
This alimony is designed to rehabilitate you so you can support yourself.You might qualify for alimony in other situations.
Talk with your lawyer to come up with an amount to ask for. , In a divorce, a judge also must divide your marital property.
Talk to your lawyer about what you want.
The house? One of the cars? Part of your spouse’s retirement account? Start this process by drafting a detailed list of all property you own as a couple.
States define marital property differently, so work with your lawyer to correctly identify what you own jointly with your spouse.
For example, in most states, you’re an owner only if your name is on the deed or title document.However, nine U.S. states are community property states.
In these states, the court will ignore the name on the title and instead ask whether either spouse bought the property while married.
If so, it’s marital property. , Marital debts will also need to be divided as part of your settlement.
You should come up with a list of debts and decide which ones you can afford to pay.
Marital debts are defined in much the same way as marital property.
In community property states, a marital debt is one either spouse took out while married.
In other states, a debt generally belongs to the person who took it out, unless the couple made a joint purchase with the money., Divorces involve a lot of paper, and you need to pull together various financial and personal documents ahead of time.
Gather the following:
Bank statements Tax returns Investment and brokerage account statements Retirement account statements Insurance policies Wills or trusts Vehicle registrations Deeds to all property Debt statements, such as credit card statements , You might think your spouse has bank accounts or other property you don’t know about.
When you file for divorce, each spouse must fully disclose their assets, but you might be worried your spouse will hide them.
Talk with your lawyer about your suspicions.
Once you file for divorce, you can serve subpoenas on financial institutions asking them to release their records.However, even before you file, your lawyer can investigate whether your spouse has assets hidden.
Your attorney might hire a forensic accountant to trace the cash flow.
Share as many financial documents as you can, such as tax returns, bank records, and credit card statements. , A prenup might stand in the way of a divorce settlement.
Judges typically enforce prenuptial agreements, but you can build a case that yours was obtained illegally.
Consider the following:
Were you rushed into signing it? For example, your spouse might have sprung it on you the weekend before your wedding.
A prenup agreement is only legal if you signed it voluntarily.
Did your spouse threaten you? You might have been coerced.
Generally, threatening not to marry you unless you sign isn’t coercion.
However, physical threats or verbal abuse will probably qualify.
Did you have your own lawyer? You should have.
If your lawyer represented your spouse also, then you can argue you didn’t sign the agreement voluntarily.
Did your spouse hide assets? If so, the agreement might be illegal. , Ideally, you won’t fight about child custody issues.
However, you’ll have a stronger negotiating position if you are prepared to go to court and fight for custody.
This means gathering proof to show a judge that you are a good parent.
Collect the following:
Testimony from child care workers and neighbors.
These people have seen you with your child and can testify that you have a loving relationship.
These witnesses are also unbiased, so a judge will give their testimony great weight.
Testimony from friends and family.
Anyone who has seen you with your child can testify as to the relationship.Pictures.
Document that you spend a lot of time with your child, and not just during special holidays. , Your spouse might try to keep you away from the children by claiming you are abusive or neglectful.
If so, you need to fight fire with fire.
You might never have to use this evidence, but it’s best to have it in reserve.
Ask yourself the following:
Has the other parent bonded with your children? If not, you can use this to your advantage if you ever go to court.
Does your spouse have a drug or alcohol addiction in the past? This is certainly relevant.
Is your spouse in poor physical health? After you file for divorce, you can get copies of your spouse’s medical records.
Does your spouse have a criminal record?A criminal record will make your spouse appear unfit.
Does your spouse have a new boyfriend or girlfriend? If they’re going to be around your children, then their reputation is fair game. , You can make a strong case for alimony by arguing you provided critical support to your spouse’s career.
Gather proof of the following:
If you paid your spouse’s tuition, find cancelled checks or other proof you made payment.
Write down the jobs and hours you worked.
For example, you might have taken on a second job to support the family while your spouse started their new business.
Find proof that you paid for your spouse’s expenses while they were getting themselves established.
Also document if you gave up job opportunities to help your spouse’s career. , Your spouse might be shocked, so schedule a time to talk when your children won't be around.
Ideally, you won’t spring the news during a major life event, such as a child’s graduation, an illness, or right after someone lost a job.Be compassionate but firm.
If they say, “Can’t we stay together?” you should simply respond, “No.” Use “I” statements, not “you” statements.
For example, “I need to move on with my life” is better than “You’re holding me back.” , Someone needs to get the ball rolling by filing.
Ideally, you’ll file first.
Your lawyer will draw up the necessary paperwork, which should include a petition and financial affidavits.
If you don’t file first, don’t worry.
You get to answer your spouse’s divorce petition and state what you want.
It’s possible to negotiate before filing for divorce.
Talk with your lawyer about what approach to take. , Your lawyer should write up a summary of everything you want and send it to your spouse’s lawyer.
This will start the settlement negotiations.
Avoid giving hard deadlines, such as “You have 72 hours to accept this.” Hard deadlines only increase tension.Instead, state that the contents of the proposal are fair and you await your spouse’s response. , Your lawyers might negotiate by telephone, but at some point everyone might need to come together to hammer out major disagreements.
Typically, you'll meet in a lawyer’s office.
If you don’t have an attorney, then you can participate in your court’s mandatory mediation program, which probably meets at the courthouse. , A nasty divorce will affect your children, so it’s best if you make a good faith attempt to reach agreement.
You might not get everything you want, but you should try to find common ground wherever possible.
Your spouse might refuse to settle the divorce otherwise.Negotiating in good faith doesn’t mean you are a pushover.
If your spouse and their lawyer want to play hardball, then you might have no choice but to do the same.
That’s why you spent time gathering helpful evidence in case you end up in court. , When you reach an agreement, type everything up and have both spouses sign.
This is your legal agreement.
You can submit it to the judge for their approval.
You might reach agreement on some issues (such as child custody) but not reach agreement on other issues (such as dividing marital assets).
That’s okay.
You’ve at least narrowed down the issues a judge will have to decide.
About the Author
Heather Patel
Committed to making practical skills accessible and understandable for everyone.
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