How to Golf While Drinking

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Find an appropriate course.

   If you plan to drink heavily, 9 holes is enough. 18 could kill you.
2. 2

   Step 2: Gather friends.

   Typically courses don't like groups bigger than 4, but if it's a slow day the manager may let you go out with a larger group. , Preferably someone to pick you up later who isn't playing. , Depending on climate and how discreet you need to be, you may choose beer or hard liquor.
   
   Hard liquor I've found to be better, especially if there are few bushes to duck behind and piss.
   
   Get some stainless steel coffee cups.
   
   Great for insulation and nobody is the wiser.
   
   Don't forget a mixer and some ice.
   
   Make sure this stuff will fit in your golf bags. , It's tempting, but you don't want to tick off the club manager before you get out there. , Assume you will be done by the next hole. , The ratio may be directly related to the number of strokes you had on the last hole. , You may want to make a mental note about the brand of ball you are using. , The order you were going is starting to fall apart and you don't want to get hit.
   
   You should be about 3-4 drinks in, depending on the size of cup. , Either you're having a decent round, or you suck.
   
   Either way, keep drinking, you're halfway there. , You may start to act like Happy Gilmore.
   
   If you have girlfriends/wives with you, they will probably take off. , Finding your ball is rewarding enough. ,, If not, the last person with a full cup becomes fair game. , Presumably without going through a dozen golf balls or killing someone with a golf club.
3. 3

   Step 3: Find a Designated Driver.

4. 4

   Step 4: Go to the store and choose what to drink.

5. 5

   Step 5: Don't drink until the 1st hole.

6. 6

   Step 6: 1st hole- Start off with a mellow drink.

7. 7

   Step 7: 2nd hole- Something a little stronger is appropriate.

8. 8

   Step 8: 3rd hole- The buzz is starting to take effect.

9. 9

   Step 9: 4th hole- Keep an eye on your buddies.

10. 10

    Step 10: 5th hole- This is the crux.

11. 11

    Step 11: 6th hole- Belligerence may kick in here.

12. 12

    Step 12: 7th hole- Keeping score becomes a thing of the past.

13. 13

    Step 13: 8th hole- Hopefully they didn't let you rent golf carts

14. 14

    Step 14: because you'll be tempted to play golf cart polo.

15. 15

    Step 15: If you planned well

16. 16

    Step 16: you still have enough booze to make it through to the end.

17. 17

    Step 17: 9th hole- You made it.

Detailed Guide

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