How to Use Spanking As a Last Resort
Decide ahead of time what behaviors are serious enough to spank for., Sit down and talk with your child., When the child misbehaves and/or commits one of the behaviors that you deemed serious enough to possibly warrant a spanking, put the child in...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Decide ahead of time what behaviors are serious enough to spank for.
Think about behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable and serious in your view.
Some example ideas are lying, deliberate disobedience/defiance, stealing, or violence.
You can choose whatever behaviors you consider serious enough to deserve the ultimate punishment (when spanking is used as a last resort, that is how it should be viewed of, as the ultimate sanction). -
Step 2: Sit down and talk with your child.
Discuss the rules, what behaviors could result in a spanking, and how the spanking will be carried out.
Be sure that the conversation is open, and the child feels free to ask any questions he/she may have, or to voice any comments. , This should be done by having the child sit on a chair or stand in the corner facing the corner, and should be in a boring area.
While the child is in time-out, take some deep breaths and ensure you are calm. , Consider the child's age, personality, the details of the offense, and whether it is a repeat or first time offense.
Remind yourself of the many alternatives to spanking, such as time-out, grounding, removal of privileges, extra chores, etc.
Consider even if a scolding/lecture would suffice. , Then enforce it. ,, A spanking should always be given on the bare bottom for several reasons; the child will feel each spank more, you can see the child's bottom as you spank, and spanking over pants, especially jeans, can just plain hurt the parent's hand more than the child's bottom! Moreover, a spanking on the bare bottom is the fairest way to spank (because there is no influence of the child's clothing), and it is also a more personal and many feel more effective method of discipline. , Sit down on an armless chair, a couch or a bed and pull the child over your lap. , Make sure your child isn't squirming. , Keep your hand relaxed, especially at the wrist.
There is no need to lift your arm high between each spank.
A spank delivered from moderate height and with a flexible wrist will be stingy and painful without unnecessary force.
Keep a safe distance from the genital area, the tailbone and the kidneys of the child. ,, During the spanking, it is important to pay attention to the child's bottom and the child's reactions.
Give at least 1x the child's age in spanks.
It is permissible to give at most 2-3x the child's age in spanks, except in extreme circumstances.
If you give more than 1x the child's age (for more serious misbehaviours only), it can be useful to make short stops (not more than 2) with a short comment why another series of swats is given (i. e first series for lying, second for being rude).
DO NOT stop spanking because the child whines/begs you to or starts crying.
If you stop because of them whining and begging, it teaches them you won't follow all the way through with your word and consequences, which will be disastrous.
If you stop immediately when they start crying, it teaches children that the sooner in the spanking they cry (even if it's fake crying) the less painful it will be (and the more ineffective).
However, you should NEVER punish crying before, during, or after a spanking.
It is completely natural. , It is very recommendable to hug/hold the child during this time. , Discuss why they were spanked.
Tell them that you spanked because you love them and that discipline is part of that love.
Emphasize that they can prevent future spankings by thinking about their actions and making good choices.
Tell them that they have paid the price for their misbehavior and they are completely forgiven now,. , Don't mention it again. -
Step 3: When the child misbehaves and/or commits one of the behaviors that you deemed serious enough to possibly warrant a spanking
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Step 4: put the child in time-out.
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Step 5: Once you are calm
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Step 6: think about the best consequence for the offense.
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Step 7: If you decide to not spank the child
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Step 8: have a discussion with the child about the misbehavior and then announce what the consequence will be.
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Step 9: If you decide a spanking is necessary
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Step 10: have a discussion with the child about the misbehavior and then announce that the consequence will be a spanking.
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Step 11: Pull down the child's pants and underwear.
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Step 12: Bend your child over your knee.
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Step 13: Relax your hand and all your limbs
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Step 14: with one firm hand on their back and one on their bottom.
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Step 15: Begin spanking.
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Step 16: If the child is squirming and struggling during the spanking
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Step 17: apply more pressure with your hand on the child's back to help hold him down.
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Step 18: Know when to stop.
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Step 19: After the spanking
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Step 20: comfort and reassure the child that the spanking is over and that you still love them more than they could possibly imagine.
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Step 21: After they calm down
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Step 22: have a brief talk with them.
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Step 23: Hug the child more
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Step 24: and give them another kiss.
Detailed Guide
Think about behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable and serious in your view.
Some example ideas are lying, deliberate disobedience/defiance, stealing, or violence.
You can choose whatever behaviors you consider serious enough to deserve the ultimate punishment (when spanking is used as a last resort, that is how it should be viewed of, as the ultimate sanction).
Discuss the rules, what behaviors could result in a spanking, and how the spanking will be carried out.
Be sure that the conversation is open, and the child feels free to ask any questions he/she may have, or to voice any comments. , This should be done by having the child sit on a chair or stand in the corner facing the corner, and should be in a boring area.
While the child is in time-out, take some deep breaths and ensure you are calm. , Consider the child's age, personality, the details of the offense, and whether it is a repeat or first time offense.
Remind yourself of the many alternatives to spanking, such as time-out, grounding, removal of privileges, extra chores, etc.
Consider even if a scolding/lecture would suffice. , Then enforce it. ,, A spanking should always be given on the bare bottom for several reasons; the child will feel each spank more, you can see the child's bottom as you spank, and spanking over pants, especially jeans, can just plain hurt the parent's hand more than the child's bottom! Moreover, a spanking on the bare bottom is the fairest way to spank (because there is no influence of the child's clothing), and it is also a more personal and many feel more effective method of discipline. , Sit down on an armless chair, a couch or a bed and pull the child over your lap. , Make sure your child isn't squirming. , Keep your hand relaxed, especially at the wrist.
There is no need to lift your arm high between each spank.
A spank delivered from moderate height and with a flexible wrist will be stingy and painful without unnecessary force.
Keep a safe distance from the genital area, the tailbone and the kidneys of the child. ,, During the spanking, it is important to pay attention to the child's bottom and the child's reactions.
Give at least 1x the child's age in spanks.
It is permissible to give at most 2-3x the child's age in spanks, except in extreme circumstances.
If you give more than 1x the child's age (for more serious misbehaviours only), it can be useful to make short stops (not more than 2) with a short comment why another series of swats is given (i. e first series for lying, second for being rude).
DO NOT stop spanking because the child whines/begs you to or starts crying.
If you stop because of them whining and begging, it teaches them you won't follow all the way through with your word and consequences, which will be disastrous.
If you stop immediately when they start crying, it teaches children that the sooner in the spanking they cry (even if it's fake crying) the less painful it will be (and the more ineffective).
However, you should NEVER punish crying before, during, or after a spanking.
It is completely natural. , It is very recommendable to hug/hold the child during this time. , Discuss why they were spanked.
Tell them that you spanked because you love them and that discipline is part of that love.
Emphasize that they can prevent future spankings by thinking about their actions and making good choices.
Tell them that they have paid the price for their misbehavior and they are completely forgiven now,. , Don't mention it again.
About the Author
Alice Ruiz
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in lifestyle and beyond.
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