How to Adjust when an Adult Parent Remarries
Challenge your misconceptions about your new step-parent., Show respect for the relationship, even if you don’t agree with it., Refrain from comparing., Direct attention to your own life.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Challenge your misconceptions about your new step-parent.
If you find yourself immediately against the idea of Mom or Dad getting remarried, check your motives.
Try to identify what’s behind your dislike of your future step-parent.
This could help you reduce the negativity surrounding the union and prevent a potential rift between you and your parent.For instance, if the step-parent is significantly younger than your parent, are you playing into societal stereotypes about age-gap relationships? Perhaps you are worried that this person is only marrying your parent for their money If this is the case, acknowledge this by having a candid conversation with your parent and seeing them with their future spouse.
You can say, “Dad, I’m a little concerned about you marrying such a young woman.” See what he says.
Getting your worries off your chest early can prevent any explosive issues down the road.
You can also spend more time with the new couple.
Seeing your parent with their new love can help abate any concerns you have about your new step-parent, and help you see how happy this person is making your parent. -
Step 2: Show respect for the relationship
Even if you come to realize that you are not so fond of your parent’s new love, recognize that you parent doesn’t have to have your permission to remarry.
However, they probably would love to have your support.
At the very least, show respect for the relationship by being polite with the new spouse and avoiding gossip or bad-mouthing with others.As hard as it may be, show respect.
Call the new spouse by their preferred name and be cordial as you would with anyone of their age group, such as saying “Yes, ma’am” or “No, sir.” Showing this level of deference will actually put you on Mom or Dad’s good side since they will be pleased you are trying to be welcoming to their new love. , When you see a new man or woman on your parent’s arm, it’s typical to hearken back to the days when that person was your other parent.
Tread carefully, however.
Remember that you’re opening yourself up for disappointment if you continuously compare the new spouse to your own parent.
If you catch yourself doing this, stop right away.Try to remind yourself that your parent’s new spouse is companion for your parent.
Consider how you might like your family to treat someone new that you brought home and try to treat your parent’s new spouse the same way.
You can also minimize comparisons by trying to find some positives in this new person.
Notice how they make your Mom’s eyes light up whenever she’s paid a compliment.
Pay attention to how your Dad’s new wife enjoys baking.
Think of all the ways this person is helping your parent, rather than dwelling on how they are alike or different than your other parent. , Chances are, if your parent has been single for a while, you may have been devoting a great deal of your attention to caring for them or keeping them company.
Now that your single parent has found love, you can focus more attention on yourself again.Rather than taking the negative approach and thinking that this new person is encroaching on your time with your parent, see it as an opportunity to re-focus on yourself.
Now that your mother or father has a new spouse you can dedicate more time to reaching your own goals.
Consider taking a new class, reviving your social calendar, or traveling more.
Think of ways you can use your additional free time to bring positive changes into your life.
Remind yourself that the new situation is positive for your parent even if the new spouse has affected your life in some way, such as reducing your parent’s free time and limiting their ability to watch your children for you when you are at work. -
Step 3: even if you don’t agree with it.
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Step 4: Refrain from comparing.
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Step 5: Direct attention to your own life.
Detailed Guide
If you find yourself immediately against the idea of Mom or Dad getting remarried, check your motives.
Try to identify what’s behind your dislike of your future step-parent.
This could help you reduce the negativity surrounding the union and prevent a potential rift between you and your parent.For instance, if the step-parent is significantly younger than your parent, are you playing into societal stereotypes about age-gap relationships? Perhaps you are worried that this person is only marrying your parent for their money If this is the case, acknowledge this by having a candid conversation with your parent and seeing them with their future spouse.
You can say, “Dad, I’m a little concerned about you marrying such a young woman.” See what he says.
Getting your worries off your chest early can prevent any explosive issues down the road.
You can also spend more time with the new couple.
Seeing your parent with their new love can help abate any concerns you have about your new step-parent, and help you see how happy this person is making your parent.
Even if you come to realize that you are not so fond of your parent’s new love, recognize that you parent doesn’t have to have your permission to remarry.
However, they probably would love to have your support.
At the very least, show respect for the relationship by being polite with the new spouse and avoiding gossip or bad-mouthing with others.As hard as it may be, show respect.
Call the new spouse by their preferred name and be cordial as you would with anyone of their age group, such as saying “Yes, ma’am” or “No, sir.” Showing this level of deference will actually put you on Mom or Dad’s good side since they will be pleased you are trying to be welcoming to their new love. , When you see a new man or woman on your parent’s arm, it’s typical to hearken back to the days when that person was your other parent.
Tread carefully, however.
Remember that you’re opening yourself up for disappointment if you continuously compare the new spouse to your own parent.
If you catch yourself doing this, stop right away.Try to remind yourself that your parent’s new spouse is companion for your parent.
Consider how you might like your family to treat someone new that you brought home and try to treat your parent’s new spouse the same way.
You can also minimize comparisons by trying to find some positives in this new person.
Notice how they make your Mom’s eyes light up whenever she’s paid a compliment.
Pay attention to how your Dad’s new wife enjoys baking.
Think of all the ways this person is helping your parent, rather than dwelling on how they are alike or different than your other parent. , Chances are, if your parent has been single for a while, you may have been devoting a great deal of your attention to caring for them or keeping them company.
Now that your single parent has found love, you can focus more attention on yourself again.Rather than taking the negative approach and thinking that this new person is encroaching on your time with your parent, see it as an opportunity to re-focus on yourself.
Now that your mother or father has a new spouse you can dedicate more time to reaching your own goals.
Consider taking a new class, reviving your social calendar, or traveling more.
Think of ways you can use your additional free time to bring positive changes into your life.
Remind yourself that the new situation is positive for your parent even if the new spouse has affected your life in some way, such as reducing your parent’s free time and limiting their ability to watch your children for you when you are at work.
About the Author
Dennis Reed
Specializes in breaking down complex organization topics into simple steps.
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