How to Choose a Parenting Style
Know the four styles of parenting., Start with authoritative parenting to set clear boundaries that your child understands., Consider authoritarian parenting if you’d like to run a strict household., Try permissive style parenting if you want to...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Know the four styles of parenting.
Although there are many ways to be a parent, psychologists often refer to four main parenting styles.
The styles are authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and uninvolved.
Although many parenting styles have their pros and cons at a given time, most research suggests that children who grow up with authoritative styles tend to be more socially adjusted and do well in school.
For the most part, children whose parents hold high expectations (authoritarian and authoritative) tend to be more successful than children whose parents have few expectations (permissive and uninvolved). -
Step 2: Start with authoritative parenting to set clear boundaries that your child understands.
The authoritative style of parenting falls somewhere between authoritarian and permissive.
These parents set high expectations, but also explain the logic behind the rules they have set.
This form of parenting focuses on the needs of the child and the parent.
Authoritative parents expect their children to act their age, to control their emotions, and to learn independence.
Children in authoritative homes are nurtured by affectionate parents who allow them enough freedom to explore life.Prepare to talk to your child.
Authoritative parenting involves explaining the reasoning behind most of your decisions.
This style can be quite challenging when your child throws a temper tantrum when you’re in line at the grocery store.
Patience, however, doesn’t mean accepting your child’s behavior, but rather correcting it in a way that makes sense to them.
Make adjustments for your child.
Your child's behavior may range from extremely obedient to very disobedient.
Try being a bit more lenient if you think they need to explore more.
Conversely, you may need to create a more strict environment for children whose behavior puts them in danger. , The authoritarian style of parenting involves hard set rules and high behavioral expectations of children.
Parents who use this style of parenting do not explain their rules to their children, but they expect them to follow the rules without question.
Children are taught to always respect authorities.Consider being authoritarian in certain situations.
Some children need strict boundaries when it comes to things like behavior and academics.
It is possible to be more authoritarian in cases where your child may not necessarily understand or agree with the rules. , Permissive parenting requires few demands from children.
The parents have few rules or expectations.
If the children do something wrong, the permissive parent may not punish them.
This type of parent is nurturing and affectionate and allows children to express themselves freely.
Permissive parents are accepting of emotional outbursts, sometimes resulting in poor behavior.Use permissive styles carefully.
Having low, or few, expectations of your child can make it harder for them to do well in work, school, and other situations outside of the household.
On the other hand, children whose behavior is outstanding and under control may benefit from a bit of freedom once in awhile. , The uninvolved parent demands little from his or her children and only provides what is required for basic care.
Uninvolved parenting is a hands-off style that does not involve discipline, affection, or redirection of any behavior.
The children's emotional needs are largely ignored.
As a result, children tend to have behavioral issues and tend to be unhappy.Compared to the other styles, children of uninvolved parents tend to be the least competent.Many parents are uninvolved because of substance abuse or other mental issues.
Other parents are uninvolved because of the pressures of keeping work that sustains a family.
If you are unable to be involved in your child’s life, ensure that another adult takes the reigns in your absence. , Evaluate the parenting styles and decide which one fits best.
Remember to think about the many adult figures your child will interact with as they grow up.
Consider your child's other parent.
You may or may not be parenting on your own.
If there are other adults involved, think about what style they are using.
For example, If your child’s grandmother is very permissive, you might feel the need to balance that with a stricter, authoritative approach.
Alternatively, you could talk to her about making a compromise between your two styles.
Think about the culture you are part of.
Parenting varies across cultures.
For example, your child may grow up in a culture of authoritarian adults.
This may or may not be good for your child’s needs.
Think about whether you want to balance this with a more democratic approach. , Once you’ve made a choice to parent in a certain way, make every effort to stick to it.
Parenting is challenging and practices, especially disciplining practices, can go out the window when things get tough.
Find a way to stick to the style you’ve chosen.
Don’t worry if you have to make changes.
Children change, so parenting must change too.
Be open to adapting your style for the various situations that come up.You may not want to swing from one end to another and confuse your child, but being a bit more strict or lenient on some occasions may be appropriate. -
Step 3: Consider authoritarian parenting if you’d like to run a strict household.
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Step 4: Try permissive style parenting if you want to give your child unlimited freedom.
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Step 5: Avoid uninvolved parenting whenever possible.
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Step 6: Decide which style works best for you and your child.
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Step 7: Make a plan to stick to your chosen style.
Detailed Guide
Although there are many ways to be a parent, psychologists often refer to four main parenting styles.
The styles are authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and uninvolved.
Although many parenting styles have their pros and cons at a given time, most research suggests that children who grow up with authoritative styles tend to be more socially adjusted and do well in school.
For the most part, children whose parents hold high expectations (authoritarian and authoritative) tend to be more successful than children whose parents have few expectations (permissive and uninvolved).
The authoritative style of parenting falls somewhere between authoritarian and permissive.
These parents set high expectations, but also explain the logic behind the rules they have set.
This form of parenting focuses on the needs of the child and the parent.
Authoritative parents expect their children to act their age, to control their emotions, and to learn independence.
Children in authoritative homes are nurtured by affectionate parents who allow them enough freedom to explore life.Prepare to talk to your child.
Authoritative parenting involves explaining the reasoning behind most of your decisions.
This style can be quite challenging when your child throws a temper tantrum when you’re in line at the grocery store.
Patience, however, doesn’t mean accepting your child’s behavior, but rather correcting it in a way that makes sense to them.
Make adjustments for your child.
Your child's behavior may range from extremely obedient to very disobedient.
Try being a bit more lenient if you think they need to explore more.
Conversely, you may need to create a more strict environment for children whose behavior puts them in danger. , The authoritarian style of parenting involves hard set rules and high behavioral expectations of children.
Parents who use this style of parenting do not explain their rules to their children, but they expect them to follow the rules without question.
Children are taught to always respect authorities.Consider being authoritarian in certain situations.
Some children need strict boundaries when it comes to things like behavior and academics.
It is possible to be more authoritarian in cases where your child may not necessarily understand or agree with the rules. , Permissive parenting requires few demands from children.
The parents have few rules or expectations.
If the children do something wrong, the permissive parent may not punish them.
This type of parent is nurturing and affectionate and allows children to express themselves freely.
Permissive parents are accepting of emotional outbursts, sometimes resulting in poor behavior.Use permissive styles carefully.
Having low, or few, expectations of your child can make it harder for them to do well in work, school, and other situations outside of the household.
On the other hand, children whose behavior is outstanding and under control may benefit from a bit of freedom once in awhile. , The uninvolved parent demands little from his or her children and only provides what is required for basic care.
Uninvolved parenting is a hands-off style that does not involve discipline, affection, or redirection of any behavior.
The children's emotional needs are largely ignored.
As a result, children tend to have behavioral issues and tend to be unhappy.Compared to the other styles, children of uninvolved parents tend to be the least competent.Many parents are uninvolved because of substance abuse or other mental issues.
Other parents are uninvolved because of the pressures of keeping work that sustains a family.
If you are unable to be involved in your child’s life, ensure that another adult takes the reigns in your absence. , Evaluate the parenting styles and decide which one fits best.
Remember to think about the many adult figures your child will interact with as they grow up.
Consider your child's other parent.
You may or may not be parenting on your own.
If there are other adults involved, think about what style they are using.
For example, If your child’s grandmother is very permissive, you might feel the need to balance that with a stricter, authoritative approach.
Alternatively, you could talk to her about making a compromise between your two styles.
Think about the culture you are part of.
Parenting varies across cultures.
For example, your child may grow up in a culture of authoritarian adults.
This may or may not be good for your child’s needs.
Think about whether you want to balance this with a more democratic approach. , Once you’ve made a choice to parent in a certain way, make every effort to stick to it.
Parenting is challenging and practices, especially disciplining practices, can go out the window when things get tough.
Find a way to stick to the style you’ve chosen.
Don’t worry if you have to make changes.
Children change, so parenting must change too.
Be open to adapting your style for the various situations that come up.You may not want to swing from one end to another and confuse your child, but being a bit more strict or lenient on some occasions may be appropriate.
About the Author
Beverly Collins
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow home improvement tutorials.
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