How to Connect With Your Father
Find common ground., Get to know him., Focus on the positive., Make an effort.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Find common ground.
If you're trying to connect with your father, engage him in activities or topics in which you share common interest.
These don't have to be life-changing moments.
Most people report feeling more comfortable when spending time with people who share their interests and perspectives.If you disagree on politics or religion, expecting to connect on these issues would be a waste of time.
Reminding your dad of things you used to do together when you were a child can be one way of finding common ground. -
Step 2: Get to know him.
Just because he's your father, don't expect that you know everything about him.
Try asking him some questions you might ask any new friend, like "What were your parents like?" or "What kind of experience did you have in grade school? Who was your best friend?"You may find that your father is more interested in talking about himself than he is in talking about you.
For many adult children, this can be a change from what they remember their parents being like when they were younger.
It might take some getting used to.
Doing things together may prompt more questions.
For example, if you're at a baseball game, you might ask him about the first time he ever went to a game, who he was with, who was playing, etc.
When you're not sure where to begin, ask open-ended questions to start conversations.
Questions such as "What would your perfect day be like?" or "What are a few things you and your brother always had in common?" might result in interesting new information. , Whenever you're tempted to get defensive or irritated at your father, think about what you like about him.
Even though he tells terrible jokes, you might appreciate that he always tries to put others at ease.
Maybe he's kind, or patient.
Keep your attention on these attributes, and you'll be more likely to connect.Staying focused on your dad's positive traits doesn't mean that his negative traits didn't exist.
For example, he may have been aloof and distant when you were a child, but this taught you to be self-motivated and independent.
You might now appreciate the way he allowed you to make your own mistakes and learn from them.
If you find yourself unable to think of any positive traits, take a break.
Walk away, and spend some time collecting your thoughts.
Everyone has positive traits.
Your connection with your dad won't happen until you can identify some of his. , Many times, connecting with someone is just a matter of spending time together.
Setting aside time to visit your father, whether it's weekly or monthly, will go a long way towards helping you connect.This is particularly true if your father has developed age-related infirmities.
Simply spending time sharing your life through stories and pictures can help your dad connect with your life now.
Even if you don't talk much together, your presence itself can generate a kind of connection.
One way of visiting is just to sit quietly together.
If you allow silence to be comfortable, it will be. -
Step 3: Focus on the positive.
-
Step 4: Make an effort.
Detailed Guide
If you're trying to connect with your father, engage him in activities or topics in which you share common interest.
These don't have to be life-changing moments.
Most people report feeling more comfortable when spending time with people who share their interests and perspectives.If you disagree on politics or religion, expecting to connect on these issues would be a waste of time.
Reminding your dad of things you used to do together when you were a child can be one way of finding common ground.
Just because he's your father, don't expect that you know everything about him.
Try asking him some questions you might ask any new friend, like "What were your parents like?" or "What kind of experience did you have in grade school? Who was your best friend?"You may find that your father is more interested in talking about himself than he is in talking about you.
For many adult children, this can be a change from what they remember their parents being like when they were younger.
It might take some getting used to.
Doing things together may prompt more questions.
For example, if you're at a baseball game, you might ask him about the first time he ever went to a game, who he was with, who was playing, etc.
When you're not sure where to begin, ask open-ended questions to start conversations.
Questions such as "What would your perfect day be like?" or "What are a few things you and your brother always had in common?" might result in interesting new information. , Whenever you're tempted to get defensive or irritated at your father, think about what you like about him.
Even though he tells terrible jokes, you might appreciate that he always tries to put others at ease.
Maybe he's kind, or patient.
Keep your attention on these attributes, and you'll be more likely to connect.Staying focused on your dad's positive traits doesn't mean that his negative traits didn't exist.
For example, he may have been aloof and distant when you were a child, but this taught you to be self-motivated and independent.
You might now appreciate the way he allowed you to make your own mistakes and learn from them.
If you find yourself unable to think of any positive traits, take a break.
Walk away, and spend some time collecting your thoughts.
Everyone has positive traits.
Your connection with your dad won't happen until you can identify some of his. , Many times, connecting with someone is just a matter of spending time together.
Setting aside time to visit your father, whether it's weekly or monthly, will go a long way towards helping you connect.This is particularly true if your father has developed age-related infirmities.
Simply spending time sharing your life through stories and pictures can help your dad connect with your life now.
Even if you don't talk much together, your presence itself can generate a kind of connection.
One way of visiting is just to sit quietly together.
If you allow silence to be comfortable, it will be.
About the Author
Donna Wood
Creates helpful guides on hobbies to inspire and educate readers.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: