How to Deal with Autistic Children's Meltdowns
Act in a calm and reassuring manner., Offer a hug., Let the child leave the situation., Learn to tell the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum., Be prepared for future meltdowns., Get help if need be.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Act in a calm and reassuring manner.
During a meltdown, the child may feel confused, agitated, frustrated, overwhelmed, or scared—i.e. experiencing all sorts of negative emotions.
Therefore, shouting, yelling, or hitting them will do nothing to help in this situation.
It is far more likely to aggravate the situation.
During a meltdown, a child most needs the opportunity to relax.
Thus, you should respond patiently and compassionately. -
Step 2: Offer a hug.
A tight hug provides deep pressure, which helps them feel calm and secure.
A long bear hug may help them feel better.
Do not force a hug on the child or hold them down.
This is incredibly distressing, especially if the child is already feeling overwhelmed.
The child may panic and lash out at you. , Going outside, retreating to their calming down corner, or going to their room are all good ways to help an autistic person calm down.
A good portion of meltdowns are due to sensory overload, a phenomenon that happens when there are too many stimuli and a person becomes overwhelmed.
Leaving the situation removes them from the distressing stimuli and allows them to rebalance.
The duration of the quiet time depends on the severity of the distress and the needs of the child.
A milder meltdown might require only a few minutes of quiet time, while greater distress might require 15 minutes or more of recovery. , A meltdown is an involuntary reaction to stress or needs not being met, and the autistic person will often feel ashamed and apologetic afterwards.A tantrum is thrown deliberately, with a goal in mind (such as more dessert or a later bedtime).
What could your child achieve? If there's a clear "want" answer, then it is a tantrum.
If it is a need (e.g. leaving an overwhelming grocery store), it's the release of built-up stress, or you can't identify a motivation, it's a meltdown, and your child is not throwing it on purpose.
Is the child performing for an audience? A child throwing a tantrum will check to make sure that the parent/caregiver is still watching; a child melting down has little control and may feel embarrassed about melting down in front of others.
Is the child at risk of getting hurt? A child throwing a tantrum will be careful not to hurt themselves.
A child melting down may lack the self-control to protect themselves. , While you can reduce the number of meltdowns, you cannot eliminate them, so it is good to always be prepared.
Have an action plan for getting the child to leave an overwhelming situation.
Where can she go to feel safe? Make sure the telephone is near you and working in case you need to call someone for help.
Have things the child can use for self-calming: earplugs, headphones, beanbags for deep pressure, sunglasses, vibrating stuffed animals, comfort items, or whatever they usually need.
If your child has a history of violence, keep all potentially dangerous items out of immediate reach. , If you don't know how to handle a meltdown, or if you start feeling too stressed to respond compassionately to the child, bring someone who can deal with it.
Get a parent, older sibling, friend, or therapist—someone whom the child trusts and loves.
Call them, or ask someone nearby to go bring them.
Avoid leaving the distressed child alone while you get help, as this may worsen their anxiety.
Avoid calling the police unless there is a severe and immediate safety threat.
Police may use excessive force and traumatize or kill the child—it has happened before. -
Step 3: Let the child leave the situation.
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Step 4: Learn to tell the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum.
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Step 5: Be prepared for future meltdowns.
-
Step 6: Get help if need be.
Detailed Guide
During a meltdown, the child may feel confused, agitated, frustrated, overwhelmed, or scared—i.e. experiencing all sorts of negative emotions.
Therefore, shouting, yelling, or hitting them will do nothing to help in this situation.
It is far more likely to aggravate the situation.
During a meltdown, a child most needs the opportunity to relax.
Thus, you should respond patiently and compassionately.
A tight hug provides deep pressure, which helps them feel calm and secure.
A long bear hug may help them feel better.
Do not force a hug on the child or hold them down.
This is incredibly distressing, especially if the child is already feeling overwhelmed.
The child may panic and lash out at you. , Going outside, retreating to their calming down corner, or going to their room are all good ways to help an autistic person calm down.
A good portion of meltdowns are due to sensory overload, a phenomenon that happens when there are too many stimuli and a person becomes overwhelmed.
Leaving the situation removes them from the distressing stimuli and allows them to rebalance.
The duration of the quiet time depends on the severity of the distress and the needs of the child.
A milder meltdown might require only a few minutes of quiet time, while greater distress might require 15 minutes or more of recovery. , A meltdown is an involuntary reaction to stress or needs not being met, and the autistic person will often feel ashamed and apologetic afterwards.A tantrum is thrown deliberately, with a goal in mind (such as more dessert or a later bedtime).
What could your child achieve? If there's a clear "want" answer, then it is a tantrum.
If it is a need (e.g. leaving an overwhelming grocery store), it's the release of built-up stress, or you can't identify a motivation, it's a meltdown, and your child is not throwing it on purpose.
Is the child performing for an audience? A child throwing a tantrum will check to make sure that the parent/caregiver is still watching; a child melting down has little control and may feel embarrassed about melting down in front of others.
Is the child at risk of getting hurt? A child throwing a tantrum will be careful not to hurt themselves.
A child melting down may lack the self-control to protect themselves. , While you can reduce the number of meltdowns, you cannot eliminate them, so it is good to always be prepared.
Have an action plan for getting the child to leave an overwhelming situation.
Where can she go to feel safe? Make sure the telephone is near you and working in case you need to call someone for help.
Have things the child can use for self-calming: earplugs, headphones, beanbags for deep pressure, sunglasses, vibrating stuffed animals, comfort items, or whatever they usually need.
If your child has a history of violence, keep all potentially dangerous items out of immediate reach. , If you don't know how to handle a meltdown, or if you start feeling too stressed to respond compassionately to the child, bring someone who can deal with it.
Get a parent, older sibling, friend, or therapist—someone whom the child trusts and loves.
Call them, or ask someone nearby to go bring them.
Avoid leaving the distressed child alone while you get help, as this may worsen their anxiety.
Avoid calling the police unless there is a severe and immediate safety threat.
Police may use excessive force and traumatize or kill the child—it has happened before.
About the Author
Kathryn Harvey
Committed to making DIY projects accessible and understandable for everyone.
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