How to Get a Toddler to Stop Hitting
Accept that anger is normal and healthy., Realize that toddlers struggle to express emotion., Recognize your toddler’s need for control., Watch for negative role models., Deal with the issue immediately., Explain clearly that hitting is not...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Accept that anger is normal and healthy.
Everyone feels angry on occasion, and your toddler is no exception.
Developmentally, toddlers have limited ways to express their anger, and so they sometimes start hitting and kicking when they don’t get what they want.
It’s this behavior that needs to be modified – not the anger itself. -
Step 2: Realize that toddlers struggle to express emotion.
Toddlers still have fairly small vocabularies, and their language skills simply don’t allow them to describe their feelings accurately.
They sometimes lash out physically because they can’t express their frustration verbally. , Toddlers have so little control over their lives: for the most part, they follow a schedule set by adults and eat, drink, wear, and play with items adults select for them.
Hitting gives some toddlers a sense of control, and it can feel fun and empowering. , Most toddlers hit for developmental reasons, but if yours witnesses you, an older sibling, or another adult lashing out angrily or violently, he or she is likely to imitate that behavior. , If your child hits you or anyone else, you need to address the situation right away; do not leave it for a more convenient time.
Toddlers have a somewhat fuzzy sense of cause and effect, and if you scold or punish them later, they may not connect your words with their previous actions.
You want to be as clear as possible. , Say that hitting hurts other people and that you will not allow it.
If they hit another child, let them watch you comfort and help the child that was hit.
Encourage saying sorry, but don't force it.
Toddlers do not yet know the meaning of "I'm sorry."
If your toddler continues to hit, you will need to implement a clear consequence, and you’ll need to do it consistently – if you let your toddler slide once, he or she will feel free to behave badly in the future.
Don’t bother trying to lecture your toddler when he or she is out of control; it won’t work.
Simply implement the punishment calmly.
Time-outs are a popular punishment.
If you choose to use time-outs for episodes of hitting, simply place your child in a quiet (and ideally boring) place, and require that he or she stay there until the time-out is over.
You will probably have to stay there, too, to make sure your toddler stays put.
In general, time-outs should last one minute for each year of your child’s life (so, if your child is 3, he or she should sit in time-out for 3 minutes). , Don’t just say, “time-out is over!” and send your toddler to play.
You need to remind your child what happened (“you got punished because you hit your brother/sister”) and make sure he or she knows you will be consistent (“whenever you hit, I’ll have to punish you”).
If possible, you can use this time to suggest that your toddler apologize to the person he hit.
You can also use this as an opportunity to start teaching the difference between an emotion, which is healthy and normal, and a behavior, which can be unacceptable.
You can tell your toddler that “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hit.” , If you pay attention, you will probably find that your toddler’s hitting is somewhat predictable: it happens in certain circumstances (such as when your toddler is hungry or tired) or at certain times (such as bath time or bedtime).
You may be able to minimize your child’s bad behavior by making sure he or she does not get too hungry or too tired.
Stick to a regular eating schedule and bedtime routine.
If the hitting happens at certain times, it can help to prepare your toddler in advance: “It’s almost bedtime.
Soon we’ll have to put your toys away.
I expect you to listen and keep your hands to yourself.” , When you notice your child is getting angry, say something right away – don’t wait for it to escalate.
Recognize the emotion, validate it, and give your child words to describe it.
Over time, this may prevent bouts of hitting, and he or she will begin to express anger verbally.
You could say, for example, “I see that you’re feeling really angry right now, and that’s okay.
It’s okay to be mad sometimes.
Want to tell me why you’re so upset?” If you stay calm and use these kinds of statements when you notice your child getting angry, you will teach your toddler that he or she has options other than hitting. , Lecturing a toddler who is in the middle of a violent tantrum is unlikely to yield any discernible results; instead, talk about the issue when he or she feels calm and happy.
Reiterate that hitting is not okay. , Too much time in front of a television or computer means that your toddler is expending precious little physical energy; later, when angry, he or she will be less able to exercise self-control and more likely to hit.
Content matters too – if your toddler sees violence (even silly cartoon violence) on TV, he or she may imitate that behavior. , Include your toddler in your daily activities, and spend quality time talking and playing together.
Your toddler will then be less likely to lash out in an effort to get you to pay attention. , Toddlers imitate the behavior of the adults in their lives, so don’t become a negative role model.
Refrain from any kind of violent behavior.
Many experts believe that spanking can fall into this category.
It can teach children that hitting is acceptable, especially if you do it in anger, and it confuses them: parents say not to hit even as they hit themselves. , Whenever your toddler manages anger or frustration without hitting, give lots of praise and positive reinforcement. -
Step 3: Recognize your toddler’s need for control.
-
Step 4: Watch for negative role models.
-
Step 5: Deal with the issue immediately.
-
Step 6: Explain clearly that hitting is not acceptable.
-
Step 7: Punish consistently.
-
Step 8: Follow up after a punishment.
-
Step 9: Be aware of triggers.
-
Step 10: Validate emotions.
-
Step 11: Discuss appropriate and inappropriate behavior when your child is calm.
-
Step 12: Limit screen time.
-
Step 13: Give your child your time
-
Step 14: attention
-
Step 15: and affection.
-
Step 16: Monitor your own behavior.
-
Step 17: Praise good behavior.
Detailed Guide
Everyone feels angry on occasion, and your toddler is no exception.
Developmentally, toddlers have limited ways to express their anger, and so they sometimes start hitting and kicking when they don’t get what they want.
It’s this behavior that needs to be modified – not the anger itself.
Toddlers still have fairly small vocabularies, and their language skills simply don’t allow them to describe their feelings accurately.
They sometimes lash out physically because they can’t express their frustration verbally. , Toddlers have so little control over their lives: for the most part, they follow a schedule set by adults and eat, drink, wear, and play with items adults select for them.
Hitting gives some toddlers a sense of control, and it can feel fun and empowering. , Most toddlers hit for developmental reasons, but if yours witnesses you, an older sibling, or another adult lashing out angrily or violently, he or she is likely to imitate that behavior. , If your child hits you or anyone else, you need to address the situation right away; do not leave it for a more convenient time.
Toddlers have a somewhat fuzzy sense of cause and effect, and if you scold or punish them later, they may not connect your words with their previous actions.
You want to be as clear as possible. , Say that hitting hurts other people and that you will not allow it.
If they hit another child, let them watch you comfort and help the child that was hit.
Encourage saying sorry, but don't force it.
Toddlers do not yet know the meaning of "I'm sorry."
If your toddler continues to hit, you will need to implement a clear consequence, and you’ll need to do it consistently – if you let your toddler slide once, he or she will feel free to behave badly in the future.
Don’t bother trying to lecture your toddler when he or she is out of control; it won’t work.
Simply implement the punishment calmly.
Time-outs are a popular punishment.
If you choose to use time-outs for episodes of hitting, simply place your child in a quiet (and ideally boring) place, and require that he or she stay there until the time-out is over.
You will probably have to stay there, too, to make sure your toddler stays put.
In general, time-outs should last one minute for each year of your child’s life (so, if your child is 3, he or she should sit in time-out for 3 minutes). , Don’t just say, “time-out is over!” and send your toddler to play.
You need to remind your child what happened (“you got punished because you hit your brother/sister”) and make sure he or she knows you will be consistent (“whenever you hit, I’ll have to punish you”).
If possible, you can use this time to suggest that your toddler apologize to the person he hit.
You can also use this as an opportunity to start teaching the difference between an emotion, which is healthy and normal, and a behavior, which can be unacceptable.
You can tell your toddler that “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hit.” , If you pay attention, you will probably find that your toddler’s hitting is somewhat predictable: it happens in certain circumstances (such as when your toddler is hungry or tired) or at certain times (such as bath time or bedtime).
You may be able to minimize your child’s bad behavior by making sure he or she does not get too hungry or too tired.
Stick to a regular eating schedule and bedtime routine.
If the hitting happens at certain times, it can help to prepare your toddler in advance: “It’s almost bedtime.
Soon we’ll have to put your toys away.
I expect you to listen and keep your hands to yourself.” , When you notice your child is getting angry, say something right away – don’t wait for it to escalate.
Recognize the emotion, validate it, and give your child words to describe it.
Over time, this may prevent bouts of hitting, and he or she will begin to express anger verbally.
You could say, for example, “I see that you’re feeling really angry right now, and that’s okay.
It’s okay to be mad sometimes.
Want to tell me why you’re so upset?” If you stay calm and use these kinds of statements when you notice your child getting angry, you will teach your toddler that he or she has options other than hitting. , Lecturing a toddler who is in the middle of a violent tantrum is unlikely to yield any discernible results; instead, talk about the issue when he or she feels calm and happy.
Reiterate that hitting is not okay. , Too much time in front of a television or computer means that your toddler is expending precious little physical energy; later, when angry, he or she will be less able to exercise self-control and more likely to hit.
Content matters too – if your toddler sees violence (even silly cartoon violence) on TV, he or she may imitate that behavior. , Include your toddler in your daily activities, and spend quality time talking and playing together.
Your toddler will then be less likely to lash out in an effort to get you to pay attention. , Toddlers imitate the behavior of the adults in their lives, so don’t become a negative role model.
Refrain from any kind of violent behavior.
Many experts believe that spanking can fall into this category.
It can teach children that hitting is acceptable, especially if you do it in anger, and it confuses them: parents say not to hit even as they hit themselves. , Whenever your toddler manages anger or frustration without hitting, give lots of praise and positive reinforcement.
About the Author
Sophia Hart
Writer and educator with a focus on practical hobbies knowledge.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: