How to React when Your Child Talks Back
Keep your cool., Avoid snapping back at them., Ask them if they understand what they said., Make sure that your response is age-appropriate., Sympathize with the child's feelings., State your own feelings., Ask them to rephrase their complaint...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Keep your cool.
While you may be angry, annoyed, or upset by what the child said, try to remain calm.
Speak in a firm but level voice.
Do not strike or hit the child.
By reacting calmly, you’re modeling good behavior for the child.
They will learn that insults and yelling are not appropriate responses to frustration and anger.It is especially important to remain calm when you are interacting with a teenage child.
This is because teenagers tend to explode or respond by shutting down completely if you yell at them.
If you teen reacts in an inappropriate manner, just keep in mind that this is normal for the age. -
Step 2: Avoid snapping back at them.
It can be tempting to respond by talking back yourself, but this may only increase the child’s disobedience.
It shows the child that what they are doing is correct behavior.Try to avoid responding with statements like: ”How dare you.” “Don’t you talk back to me.” ”When I want to know your opinion, I’ll ask.” “Don’t give me lip.” , Your child might learn certain insults, curse words, and phrases from their friends.
They might repeat these words even if they do not know what they mean.If your child says something like this to you, ask them if they know what it means.
Then ask where they learned it from.
You can say, “Do you know what that word means?” You should always explain that the phrase or word is mean.
You can say, “Calling someone an idiot is not a nice thing to do, and you shouldn't repeat that word anymore.” You should ask, “Where did you learn such a thing?” Your child might state that they heard it from a friend, a television show, or a family member.
Try to address the source. , It is important to respond right away when your child talks back to you.
However, keep in mind that the way you speak to your child should be different depending on their age.
A very young child will need to be spoken to in a way that is different than a teenager.
For example, if your child is very young, then it is important to speak to them in terms they can understand and to remain calm and pleasant while doing so.
If your child is older, then you can respond more directly and you will not need to adjust your language to their level as much.
You might ask and older child or teenager to write a letter of apology for what they have done.
This will provide them with an opportunity to reflect on what happened and learn from the experience. , Acknowledge what emotions the child is feeling.
As you do so, express that talking back is wrong.
This shows the child that you are listening to their needs even as you tell them that their attitude is unacceptable.
You can say, “I know you don’t want to wash the dishes, but that is not a good reason to call me names.
We all have our jobs in the house.” You can also say, “I’m sorry that we can’t go outside today, but that does not mean that you can yell at me.” , Tell the child how their backtalk makes you feel.
Try to phrase it in a way that does not blame the child.
To do this, you should use “I” statements like “I feel” or “I hear.”For example, you can say, “When I hear that you think I’m mean, it makes me feel bad.” , If the child wants something or they have a complaint, you should ask your child (in a way that is appropriate for their age) to rephrase the statement in a more polite manner.
This teaches children how to express their frustration in a polite way.You can say to the child, “I want you to say that in a nicer way.” -
Step 3: Ask them if they understand what they said.
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Step 4: Make sure that your response is age-appropriate.
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Step 5: Sympathize with the child's feelings.
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Step 6: State your own feelings.
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Step 7: Ask them to rephrase their complaint respectfully.
Detailed Guide
While you may be angry, annoyed, or upset by what the child said, try to remain calm.
Speak in a firm but level voice.
Do not strike or hit the child.
By reacting calmly, you’re modeling good behavior for the child.
They will learn that insults and yelling are not appropriate responses to frustration and anger.It is especially important to remain calm when you are interacting with a teenage child.
This is because teenagers tend to explode or respond by shutting down completely if you yell at them.
If you teen reacts in an inappropriate manner, just keep in mind that this is normal for the age.
It can be tempting to respond by talking back yourself, but this may only increase the child’s disobedience.
It shows the child that what they are doing is correct behavior.Try to avoid responding with statements like: ”How dare you.” “Don’t you talk back to me.” ”When I want to know your opinion, I’ll ask.” “Don’t give me lip.” , Your child might learn certain insults, curse words, and phrases from their friends.
They might repeat these words even if they do not know what they mean.If your child says something like this to you, ask them if they know what it means.
Then ask where they learned it from.
You can say, “Do you know what that word means?” You should always explain that the phrase or word is mean.
You can say, “Calling someone an idiot is not a nice thing to do, and you shouldn't repeat that word anymore.” You should ask, “Where did you learn such a thing?” Your child might state that they heard it from a friend, a television show, or a family member.
Try to address the source. , It is important to respond right away when your child talks back to you.
However, keep in mind that the way you speak to your child should be different depending on their age.
A very young child will need to be spoken to in a way that is different than a teenager.
For example, if your child is very young, then it is important to speak to them in terms they can understand and to remain calm and pleasant while doing so.
If your child is older, then you can respond more directly and you will not need to adjust your language to their level as much.
You might ask and older child or teenager to write a letter of apology for what they have done.
This will provide them with an opportunity to reflect on what happened and learn from the experience. , Acknowledge what emotions the child is feeling.
As you do so, express that talking back is wrong.
This shows the child that you are listening to their needs even as you tell them that their attitude is unacceptable.
You can say, “I know you don’t want to wash the dishes, but that is not a good reason to call me names.
We all have our jobs in the house.” You can also say, “I’m sorry that we can’t go outside today, but that does not mean that you can yell at me.” , Tell the child how their backtalk makes you feel.
Try to phrase it in a way that does not blame the child.
To do this, you should use “I” statements like “I feel” or “I hear.”For example, you can say, “When I hear that you think I’m mean, it makes me feel bad.” , If the child wants something or they have a complaint, you should ask your child (in a way that is appropriate for their age) to rephrase the statement in a more polite manner.
This teaches children how to express their frustration in a polite way.You can say to the child, “I want you to say that in a nicer way.”
About the Author
Sharon Davis
Experienced content creator specializing in cooking guides and tutorials.
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