How to Tell Your Parents You Are Gay

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Choose the right time and place.

   Be sure to be selective about the environment in which you tell your parents that you’re gay.
   
   Avoid telling them right after work or when they are dealing with significant stress, like job loss or a death in the family.
   
   Avoid being alone with them when you tell them if they are homophobic or violent.Find a day when you all have a lot of free time.
   
   Write a letter or email if necessary.
2. 2

   Step 2: Be honest.

   Now is the time to come out to your parents.
   
   Be honest with them about your sexuality.
   
   Talk to them about all of the preparation you have done for this conversation so that they know it’s serious, real and important to you.
   
   You might say something like “Mom and Dad, I’ve been wanting to tell you this for longer than I can remember.
   
   I’m gay.
   
   It’s been so hard keeping this from you but I thought it was time you knew.” , Be sure to practice good communication skills when speaking to your parents.
   
   Don’t interrupt them when they are speaking and avoid daydreaming or preparing your responses in your head while they are still talking.
   
   Instead, actively listen to them and give them some space to speak.
   
   You might also repeat back what you hear your parents saying to show that you understand and are listening.
   
   An example would be “So, it sounds like you aren’t really shocked but you don’t necessarily approve of me being this way.” , In addition to coming out, be sure to remind your parents that you love them.
   
   This news might be hard to hear for some, but reminding them of the love that you have for them can make things a bit easier.You might say something like “I really love you both so much and not sharing this part of me with you has been hurting me for a while.” , Your parents will likely have an entire range of questions to ask you, especially if they did not suspect that you were gay before now.
   
   Try to answer their questions if you are comfortable, but know that you don’t have to answer anything that you don’t want to.
   
   They will likely ask when you knew, if you are dating someone, and if you are sure.
   
   Feel free to avoid any questions about sex.
   
   You could say something like “I really prefer to keep that part of my life private and I hope you respect that, Dad.” , Your parents will experience a range of emotions in this process.
   
   Some might experience denial, but you should reaffirm to them that you are gay, and tell them it’s not their fault and you don’t need counseling, if they suggest that.
   
   Also, be aware that one parent might be slower to accept than the other Give both of your parents the grace and space to process.You might say something like “Mom, I know you’re not happy right now and I get it.
   
   But please don’t blame yourself for this.
   
   You did nothing wrong.
   
   You have been a wonderful parent to me, but this is who I am and I hope you’ll still love and accept me.” , Your parents may not know many, if any, gay people and may be struggling with this news.
   
   Collect some pamphlets or articles for parents of gay children and give them to them to look over.
   
   It can help walk them through the process of acceptance from the perspective of other parents dealing with the same news.Find out if there is an organization or local group for parents and families of gay children, like PFLAG, in the area.
   
   You might say “I know this was all a bit heavy, but I did want you to know that there are resources out there to help you work through this.
   
   I brought you these articles to read if you like.” , After your conversation, give your parents some space to process.
   
   Avoid forcing them to see your sexuality in the way that you see it.
   
   You have been coming to terms with your identity for your whole life while they may have been in denial or had no idea.
   
   Give them some room to accept and understand.Consider checking in weekly if they do not reach out to you soon after the conversation.
   
   Remind them that you are here to talk and want to continue having a relationship with them.
3. 3

   Step 3: Communicate effectively with them.

4. 4

   Step 4: Tell them you love them.

5. 5

   Step 5: Answer any questions they might have.

6. 6

   Step 6: Handle their reaction positively.

7. 7

   Step 7: Give them resources.

8. 8

   Step 8: Give them time.

Detailed Guide

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