How to Deal with a Needy Significant Other

Encourage separate interests., Set boundaries about going out without each other., Suggest doing tasks alone., Be honest about your time apart., Meet new people.

5 Steps 3 min read Medium

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Step 1: Encourage separate interests.

    A good way to get some space from a needy significant other is to encourage both of you to pursue separate interests.

    Both of you may have things you like that the other doesn’t, and this is a good thing.

    Suggest that your significant other get involved in an activity they like to do and then you do the same.

    For example, you may encourage your significant other to join a fitness program or recreational sports team, get involved with a volunteer organization or join a community theater.

    You may suggest they take an art or photography class, or join a club.

    Be supportive and positive about your significant other’s pursuit of a new activity.

    Make it a positive thing.

    For example, you might try saying something like, “I think it is so cool that you are learning how to decorate cakes! That’s a really great skill to have.” If your significant other only likes what you like, then help them find their own interests.

    Ask them what they like, what they did before you got together, and what have they always wanted to learn.Refrain from saying things like, “We need some space” or “This is a good way for me to find some friends who aren’t you.”
  2. Step 2: Set boundaries about going out without each other.

    You and your significant other may have many of the same friends, but you probably have your own separate friends, too.

    When you go out with your friends, you should set boundaries about contacting each other while visiting with others.For example, when you’re out with your friends, it might be frustrating for your significant other to text you non-stop.

    Instead, set a limit about number of texts and phone calls you both make to each other when you are with other people, such as just checking in with each other once per night.

    There’s nothing wrong with texting or calling to let your significant other know you have changed plans or will be coming home later, but neither of you should obsessively text the other. , To help establish your own identities and independence, suggest to your partner that you do tasks alone.

    You don’t have to do everything together as a couple.

    Not every moment has to be spent together.

    Doing things alone doesn’t mean you love or care for one another any less.For example, you can go to the grocery store or to wash your car alone.

    You can go workout or go to work in the yard without your significant other.

    You can even watch television or movies alone. , When you decide to do things apart, reassure your partner that you care about them.

    Tell them what your plans are and talk about the fact that you can share your experiences with them after you return.

    Tell them that this is a good time for them to do something on their own as well, and that you are excited about hearing about what they did in their personal time. , To help your significant other reduce their dependence on you, make an effort to go out and meet new people.

    This can be through friends you already have, through family, or through social activities.

    Encourage your partner to make friends.

    Tell them that you think meeting new people and going out with others is a good thing for them.
  3. Step 3: Suggest doing tasks alone.

  4. Step 4: Be honest about your time apart.

  5. Step 5: Meet new people.

Detailed Guide

A good way to get some space from a needy significant other is to encourage both of you to pursue separate interests.

Both of you may have things you like that the other doesn’t, and this is a good thing.

Suggest that your significant other get involved in an activity they like to do and then you do the same.

For example, you may encourage your significant other to join a fitness program or recreational sports team, get involved with a volunteer organization or join a community theater.

You may suggest they take an art or photography class, or join a club.

Be supportive and positive about your significant other’s pursuit of a new activity.

Make it a positive thing.

For example, you might try saying something like, “I think it is so cool that you are learning how to decorate cakes! That’s a really great skill to have.” If your significant other only likes what you like, then help them find their own interests.

Ask them what they like, what they did before you got together, and what have they always wanted to learn.Refrain from saying things like, “We need some space” or “This is a good way for me to find some friends who aren’t you.”

You and your significant other may have many of the same friends, but you probably have your own separate friends, too.

When you go out with your friends, you should set boundaries about contacting each other while visiting with others.For example, when you’re out with your friends, it might be frustrating for your significant other to text you non-stop.

Instead, set a limit about number of texts and phone calls you both make to each other when you are with other people, such as just checking in with each other once per night.

There’s nothing wrong with texting or calling to let your significant other know you have changed plans or will be coming home later, but neither of you should obsessively text the other. , To help establish your own identities and independence, suggest to your partner that you do tasks alone.

You don’t have to do everything together as a couple.

Not every moment has to be spent together.

Doing things alone doesn’t mean you love or care for one another any less.For example, you can go to the grocery store or to wash your car alone.

You can go workout or go to work in the yard without your significant other.

You can even watch television or movies alone. , When you decide to do things apart, reassure your partner that you care about them.

Tell them what your plans are and talk about the fact that you can share your experiences with them after you return.

Tell them that this is a good time for them to do something on their own as well, and that you are excited about hearing about what they did in their personal time. , To help your significant other reduce their dependence on you, make an effort to go out and meet new people.

This can be through friends you already have, through family, or through social activities.

Encourage your partner to make friends.

Tell them that you think meeting new people and going out with others is a good thing for them.

About the Author

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Theresa Tucker

Committed to making DIY projects accessible and understandable for everyone.

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