How to Deal with Borderline Personality Disorder

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Seek help from a therapist.

   Therapy is commonly the first treatment option for people suffering from BPD.
   
   Although there are several types of therapy that may be used in treating BPD, the one with the strongest track record is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT.
   
   It is partially based on Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) principles and was developed by Marsha Linehan.Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a treatment method specifically developed to help people with BPD.
   
   Studies show that it has a consistent success record.
   
   DBT focuses on teaching people with BPD to regulate their emotions, develop frustration tolerance, learn mindfulness skills, identify and label their emotions, and strengthen psychosocial skills to help them interact with other people.
   
   Another common treatment is schema-focused therapy.
   
   This type of treatment combines CBT techniques with techniques from other therapy approaches.
   
   It focuses on helping people with BPD reorder or restructure their perceptions and experiences to help build a stable self-image.Therapy is commonly conducted in both one-on-one and group settings.
   
   This combination allows for the best effectiveness.
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   Step 2: Pay attention to how you feel.

   One common problem faced by people suffering from BPD is being unable to recognize, identify, and label their emotions.
   
   Taking some time to slow down during an emotional experience and think about what you are experiencing can help you learn to regulate your emotions.Try “checking in” with yourself several times throughout the day.
   
   For example, you might take a brief break from work to close your eyes and “check in” with your body and your emotions.
   
   Note whether you feel tense or achy physically.
   
   Think about whether you have been dwelling on a particular thought or feeling for some time.
   
   Taking note of how you feel can help you learn to recognize your emotions, and that will help you better regulate them.
   
   Try to be as specific as possible.
   
   For example, rather than thinking “I’m so angry I just can’t stand it!” try to note where you think the emotion is coming from: “I’m feeling angry because I was late to work because I got stuck in traffic.” Try not to judge your emotions as you think about them.
   
   For example, avoid saying something to yourself like “I’m feeling angry right now.
   
   I’m such a bad person for feeling that way.” Instead, focus just on identifying the feeling without judgment, such as “I am feeling angry because I am hurt that my friend was late.”, Learning to uncover all of the feelings you may experience in a given situation is an important step toward learning emotional regulation.
   
   It is common for people with BPD to feel overwhelmed by a whirl of emotions.
   
   Take a moment to separate out what you feel first, and what else you may be feeling.For example, if your friend forgot that you were having lunch together today, your immediate reaction might be anger.
   
   This would be the primary emotion.
   
   That anger could also be accompanied by other feelings.
   
   For example, you might feel hurt that your friend forgot you.
   
   You might feel fear that this is a sign your friend actually doesn’t care about you.
   
   You might feel shame, as though you don’t deserve to have friends remember you.
   
   These are all secondary emotions.
   
   Considering the source of your emotions can help you learn to regulate them. , One way to learn to handle your reactions to situations in a more healthy way is to challenge negative reactions and habits with positive self-talk.
   
   It can take awhile to feel comfortable or natural doing this, but it’s helpful.Research has shown that using positive self-talk can help you feel more focused, improve your concentration, and relieve anxiety.Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and respect.Make it a game to find things about yourself that you admire, such as competence, caring, imagination, etc.Remind yourself of these positive things when you find that you are feeling negatively about yourself.
   
   Try reminding yourself that unpleasant situations are temporary, limited, and happen to everyone at some point.
   
   For example, if your coach criticized your performance at tennis practice, remind yourself that this instance does not characterize every practice in the past or future.
   
   Instead of allowing yourself to ruminate on what happened in the past, focus on what you can do to improve next time.
   
   This gives you a sense of control over your actions, rather than feeling as though you are being victimized by someone else.Reframe negative thoughts in positive terms.
   
   For example, if you did not do well on an exam, your first thought might be “I’m such a loser.
   
   I’m worthless and I’m going to fail this course.” This is not helpful, and it isn’t fair to you, either.
   
   Instead, think about what you can learn from the experience: “I didn’t do as well as I hoped on this exam.
   
   I can speak with my professor to see where my weak areas are and study more effectively for the next exam.”, A natural reaction for a person with BPD is often anger or despair.
   
   For example, if a friend did something to upset you, your first instinct might be to react with a screaming fit and make threats to the other person.
   
   Instead, take some time to check in with yourself and identify your feelings.
   
   Then, try to communicate them to the other person in a nonthreatening way.For example, if your friend was late to meet you for lunch, your immediate reaction might be anger.
   
   You might want to yell at her and ask her why she was so disrespectful to you.
   
   Check in with your emotions.
   
   What are you feeling? What is the primary emotion, and are there secondary emotions? For example, you might feel angry, but you might also feel fear because you believe the person was late because she doesn’t care about you.
   
   In a calm voice, ask the person why she was late without judging or threatening her.
   
   Use "I"-focused statements.
   
   For example: "I am feeling hurt that you were late to our lunch.
   
   Why were you late?" You will probably find that the reason why your friend was late was something innocuous, such as traffic or not being able to find her keys.
   
   The "I"-statements keep you from sound like you are blaming the other person.
   
   This will help them feel less defensive and more open.
   
   Reminding yourself to process your emotions and not to jump to conclusions can help you learn to regulate your responses to other people. , Try to associate physical symptoms with the emotional states in which you usually experience them.
   
   Learning to identify your physical feelings as well as your emotional feelings can help you describe and better understand your emotions.
   
   For example, you might feel a sinking in the pit of your stomach in certain situations, but you might not know what the feeling is related to.
   
   The next time you feel that sinking, think about what feelings you are experiencing.
   
   It could be that this sinking feeling is related to nervousness or anxiety.
   
   Once you know that the sinking feeling in your stomach is anxiety, you will eventually feel more in control of that feeling, rather than feeling as though it controls you. , Learning self-soothing behaviors can help keep you calm when you feel in turmoil.
   
   These are behaviors that you can do to comfort and show kindness to yourself.Take a hot bath or shower.
   
   Research has shown that physical warmth has a soothing effect on many people.Listen to soothing music.
   
   Research has shown that listening to certain types of music can help you relax.
   
   The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of songs that have been scientifically shown to promote feelings of relaxation and soothing.Try comforting self-touch.
   
   Touching yourself in a compassionate, calming way can help soothe you and relieve stress by releasing oxytocin.
   
   Try crossing your arms over your chest and giving yourself a gentle squeeze.
   
   Or put your hand over your heart and notice the warmth of your skin, the beat of your heart, and the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe.
   
   Take a moment to remind yourself that you are beautiful and worthy. , Emotional tolerance is the ability to endure an uncomfortable emotion without reacting to it inappropriately.
   
   You can practice this skill by becoming familiar with your emotions, and gradually exposing yourself to unfamiliar or uncertain situations in a safe environment.Keep a journal throughout the day that notes whenever you feel uncertain, anxious, or afraid.
   
   Be sure to note what situation you were in when you felt this way, and how you responded to it in the moment.
   
   Rank your uncertainties.
   
   Try to place things that make you anxious or uncomfortable on a scale from 0-10.
   
   For example, “going to a restaurant alone” might be a 4, but “letting a friend plan a vacation” might be a
   10.
   
   Practice tolerating uncertainty.
   
   Start with small, safe situations.
   
   For example, you could try ordering a dish you’ve never had at a new restaurant.
   
   You might or might not enjoy the meal, but that’s not the important thing.
   
   You will have shown yourself that you are strong enough to handle uncertainty on your own.
   
   You can gradually work up to bigger situations as you feel safe doing so.
   
   Record your responses.
   
   When you try something uncertain, record what happened.
   
   What did you do? How did you feel during the experience? How did you feel afterward? What did you do if it did not turn out as you expected? Do you think you will be able to handle more in the future? , Your therapist can help you learn to endure uncomfortable emotions by giving you exercises to do.
   
   Some things you can do on your own include the following:
   Hold an ice cube until you feel the negative emotion pass.
   
   Focus on the physical sensation of the ice cube in your hand.
   
   Notice how it first becomes more intense and then lessens.
   
   The same is true of emotions.Visualize an ocean wave.
   
   Imagine it building up until it finally crests and then falls.
   
   Remind yourself that just like waves, emotions swell and then recede. , Exercise can help reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression.This is because physical exercise releases endorphins, which are natural “feel-good” chemicals produced by your body.The National Institute of Mental Health recommends that you get regular physical activity to help reduce these negative feelings.Research shows that even moderate exercise, such as walking or gardening, can have these effects., Because instability is one of the hallmarks of BPD, setting a regular schedule for things such as meal times and sleep can be helpful.
   
   Fluctuations in your blood sugar or sleep deprivation can make the symptoms of BPD worse.If you have trouble remember to take care of yourself, such as forgetting to eat meals or not going to bed at a healthy time, ask someone to help remind you. , Dealing with any disorder takes time and practice.
   
   You won’t experience a complete revolution in a few days.
   
   Don’t allow yourself to get discouraged.
   
   Remember, you can only do your best, and your best is good enough.Remember that your symptoms will improve gradually, not overnight.
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   Step 3: Distinguish between primary and secondary emotions.

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   Step 4: Use positive self-talk.

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   Step 5: Stop and check in with yourself before reacting to others.

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   Step 6: Describe your emotions in detail.

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   Step 7: Learn self-soothing behaviors.

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   Step 8: Practice increasing your tolerance of uncertainty or distress.

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   Step 9: Practice unpleasant experiences in a safe way.

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    Step 10: Get regular exercise.

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    Step 11: Keep a set schedule.

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    Step 12: Keep your goals realistic.

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