How to Express Sympathy
Be direct., Acknowledge their pain., Stay on topic., Avoid giving advice., Avoid talking about faith., Lower your tone.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be direct.
Tell the person that you care and are sorry for the troubled time they are experiencing.
Most people feel awkward in situations in which they feel sympathy, and so they are unsure of how to comfort their loved one.
Telling them you care is a great first step, and it opens the door for them to ask you for help if they need to.Say something like “I am so sorry.” Then try to offer assistance in a concrete way.
Instead of saying, "Let me know if I can help," suggest a specific way in which you can help.
Try, "I can watch the kids while you meet with the funeral planner," or "Let me bring you dinner tonight." -
Step 2: Acknowledge their pain.
Avoid comparing their pain to any other pain.
Even if you have experienced a similar situation, do not assume that they feel the same way you did.
Allow the person to feel pain in the way that they need to work through it.
Saying things like “I know how you feel,” can be offensive.Instead of assuming things such as, “I know how you feel,” try saying something like “I can see you are hurt.
Do you want to talk?” , When you are expressing your sympathies to a loved one, avoid rambling.
If your loved one is going through a hard time, jumping from topic to topic might be hard to follow, or they may lose interest altogether.
Instead, reassure them that you are there for them, and then give them the space they need.Make sure that it is well understood that they can open up to you as much as they want/need to. , In trying times, few people welcome hearing about what they should be doing.
Only issue advice in rough times if the person specifically asks you for your input.
Otherwise, saying things like “It’ll all work out, just give it time,” implies that you think you know more about their situation than they do.Aim for simply being available.
Say things such as “If you need anything at all, just call me.” , People often want to interject faith into hard times.
While your faith may give you comfort or strength, the person you sympathize with may or may not share the same views on faith.
Assuming that they share your views can come off as offensive and rude, and you should avoid pressuring them to discuss what they do or do not believe during hard times., If your tone is high pitched and loud, you will come off as flustered or excited.
Neither of these are conducive to expressing sympathy for another person.
When you speak, speak quietly and in a lower register to convey your sympathy. -
Step 3: Stay on topic.
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Step 4: Avoid giving advice.
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Step 5: Avoid talking about faith.
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Step 6: Lower your tone.
Detailed Guide
Tell the person that you care and are sorry for the troubled time they are experiencing.
Most people feel awkward in situations in which they feel sympathy, and so they are unsure of how to comfort their loved one.
Telling them you care is a great first step, and it opens the door for them to ask you for help if they need to.Say something like “I am so sorry.” Then try to offer assistance in a concrete way.
Instead of saying, "Let me know if I can help," suggest a specific way in which you can help.
Try, "I can watch the kids while you meet with the funeral planner," or "Let me bring you dinner tonight."
Avoid comparing their pain to any other pain.
Even if you have experienced a similar situation, do not assume that they feel the same way you did.
Allow the person to feel pain in the way that they need to work through it.
Saying things like “I know how you feel,” can be offensive.Instead of assuming things such as, “I know how you feel,” try saying something like “I can see you are hurt.
Do you want to talk?” , When you are expressing your sympathies to a loved one, avoid rambling.
If your loved one is going through a hard time, jumping from topic to topic might be hard to follow, or they may lose interest altogether.
Instead, reassure them that you are there for them, and then give them the space they need.Make sure that it is well understood that they can open up to you as much as they want/need to. , In trying times, few people welcome hearing about what they should be doing.
Only issue advice in rough times if the person specifically asks you for your input.
Otherwise, saying things like “It’ll all work out, just give it time,” implies that you think you know more about their situation than they do.Aim for simply being available.
Say things such as “If you need anything at all, just call me.” , People often want to interject faith into hard times.
While your faith may give you comfort or strength, the person you sympathize with may or may not share the same views on faith.
Assuming that they share your views can come off as offensive and rude, and you should avoid pressuring them to discuss what they do or do not believe during hard times., If your tone is high pitched and loud, you will come off as flustered or excited.
Neither of these are conducive to expressing sympathy for another person.
When you speak, speak quietly and in a lower register to convey your sympathy.
About the Author
Linda Sanchez
Linda Sanchez is an experienced writer with over 12 years of expertise in lifestyle and practical guides. Passionate about sharing practical knowledge, Linda creates easy-to-follow guides that help readers achieve their goals.
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