How to Feel Normal if You're from a Different Race
Deal with impostor syndrome., Remember that racist comments are not about you., Release the stress of being a cultural “representative”., Be informed., Use humor., Find similarities with those around you.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Deal with impostor syndrome.
Impostor syndrome occurs when you believe that your abilities are not up to par as those around you.
You may believe you received a scholarship or a job offer because of your race, somehow making you less qualified than those around you.
You may try to overachieve as a result of feeling “not good enough” or feel great dissatisfaction or guilt in your studies or profession.
You may fear the day the “truth” comes out and people believe you are a fraud.
It’s important to recognize that you have value for your own characteristics and achievements.Be aware when feelings of being an impostor come up.
Understand the difference between reality and feelings.
When feelings come up, use the statement, “Even if I feel undeserving, it doesn’t mean I really am.” If you feel like an impostor, know that you are not alone.
Even some high achieving individuals suffer from impostor syndrome.
Remind yourself that you work hard and deserve the things you have. -
Step 2: Remember that racist comments are not about you.
Remember that racist comments reflect a problem with the person who holds those beliefs, not you.
Experiencing prejudice or discrimination does not automatically make you less valuable or mean there is anything wrong with you.It’s important to feel empowered by who you are and not “less than” other people.[ If you do experience prejudice or discrimination, take it seriously.
Report the prejudice to someone who can help.
For example, school bullies might exclude you from participating in a social group due to your race, or they might call you hurtful names.These are both actions that should be reported to a parent, teacher, counselor, or another figure of authority.
You do not deserve this treatment, and you don't have to put up with it. , If you are a minority in a group of people racially different than you, don’t feel pressure to represent your race.You may feel like people have negative associations with those in your racial group, and you want to prove them wrong.
Remember that you can’t change people’s judgments, no matter how hard you try.
There is great variation within your race, and you cannot represent everyone as one person.
Don’t allow people to see you as a representative, either.
Remind people that while stereotypes exist, everyone is unique and not to judge a whole group by one person. , When faced with discriminatory comments, be ready to fire back.
This can be empowering for you to have a response and to use information as power.When faced with insensitive comments or racism, be ready with events, facts, or statistics that help you educate people that may be less aware of how these comments affect people.
When people are overtly ignorant about other groups, you can help them understand it better.
Even a comment like, “When you put Chinese people down, it perpetuates a mentality of them being less than you” is helpful.
You can also say, "When you say that Black people are better at sports, you're essentializing a whole group of people, which isn't fair." You can also use the power of facts in your favor.
For example, if someone makes a remark about how immigrants hurt the community, you can reply that immigrants often own small businesses and contribute to the economy.Or, if someone has said that immigrants are "criminals," you can tell them that immigrants are much less likely to commit crimes than native-born citizens., When experiencing stress related to race, empower yourself to not back down.
While some people may fire back, you may take a lighter stance by adding a bit of humor to the situation.
Especially if you are within a group of friends and someone says something offensive, say something light and funny, yet still makes a point.
Using humor can be a bridge to talk about an uncomfortable topic but in a more approachable way.
You can say, “"Well, my girlfriend is Indian, and I haven't noticed that with her... should I call her and ask her if that's true?" or "That's a cool joke, can you tell it to my Nigerian friend? Do you think he'd like it?"
It may be easy to see how you differ from those around you, but challenge yourself to see the similarities between yourself and those you feel different from.Remember that underneath all the cultural and physical differences, we share more similarities than differences because we are all human.
As humans, we all feel fear, joy, nervousness, pain, excitement, betrayal, and love.
Even when you feel different, remember that despite cultural differences, we have experiential similarities that make us all human.
Find activities that you enjoy, and share them with a group.
This could be joining a sport team, taking a sewing class, or engaging in any activity that you can enjoy with other people. -
Step 3: Release the stress of being a cultural “representative”.
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Step 4: Be informed.
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Step 5: Use humor.
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Step 6: Find similarities with those around you.
Detailed Guide
Impostor syndrome occurs when you believe that your abilities are not up to par as those around you.
You may believe you received a scholarship or a job offer because of your race, somehow making you less qualified than those around you.
You may try to overachieve as a result of feeling “not good enough” or feel great dissatisfaction or guilt in your studies or profession.
You may fear the day the “truth” comes out and people believe you are a fraud.
It’s important to recognize that you have value for your own characteristics and achievements.Be aware when feelings of being an impostor come up.
Understand the difference between reality and feelings.
When feelings come up, use the statement, “Even if I feel undeserving, it doesn’t mean I really am.” If you feel like an impostor, know that you are not alone.
Even some high achieving individuals suffer from impostor syndrome.
Remind yourself that you work hard and deserve the things you have.
Remember that racist comments reflect a problem with the person who holds those beliefs, not you.
Experiencing prejudice or discrimination does not automatically make you less valuable or mean there is anything wrong with you.It’s important to feel empowered by who you are and not “less than” other people.[ If you do experience prejudice or discrimination, take it seriously.
Report the prejudice to someone who can help.
For example, school bullies might exclude you from participating in a social group due to your race, or they might call you hurtful names.These are both actions that should be reported to a parent, teacher, counselor, or another figure of authority.
You do not deserve this treatment, and you don't have to put up with it. , If you are a minority in a group of people racially different than you, don’t feel pressure to represent your race.You may feel like people have negative associations with those in your racial group, and you want to prove them wrong.
Remember that you can’t change people’s judgments, no matter how hard you try.
There is great variation within your race, and you cannot represent everyone as one person.
Don’t allow people to see you as a representative, either.
Remind people that while stereotypes exist, everyone is unique and not to judge a whole group by one person. , When faced with discriminatory comments, be ready to fire back.
This can be empowering for you to have a response and to use information as power.When faced with insensitive comments or racism, be ready with events, facts, or statistics that help you educate people that may be less aware of how these comments affect people.
When people are overtly ignorant about other groups, you can help them understand it better.
Even a comment like, “When you put Chinese people down, it perpetuates a mentality of them being less than you” is helpful.
You can also say, "When you say that Black people are better at sports, you're essentializing a whole group of people, which isn't fair." You can also use the power of facts in your favor.
For example, if someone makes a remark about how immigrants hurt the community, you can reply that immigrants often own small businesses and contribute to the economy.Or, if someone has said that immigrants are "criminals," you can tell them that immigrants are much less likely to commit crimes than native-born citizens., When experiencing stress related to race, empower yourself to not back down.
While some people may fire back, you may take a lighter stance by adding a bit of humor to the situation.
Especially if you are within a group of friends and someone says something offensive, say something light and funny, yet still makes a point.
Using humor can be a bridge to talk about an uncomfortable topic but in a more approachable way.
You can say, “"Well, my girlfriend is Indian, and I haven't noticed that with her... should I call her and ask her if that's true?" or "That's a cool joke, can you tell it to my Nigerian friend? Do you think he'd like it?"
It may be easy to see how you differ from those around you, but challenge yourself to see the similarities between yourself and those you feel different from.Remember that underneath all the cultural and physical differences, we share more similarities than differences because we are all human.
As humans, we all feel fear, joy, nervousness, pain, excitement, betrayal, and love.
Even when you feel different, remember that despite cultural differences, we have experiential similarities that make us all human.
Find activities that you enjoy, and share them with a group.
This could be joining a sport team, taking a sewing class, or engaging in any activity that you can enjoy with other people.
About the Author
Larry Burns
Writer and educator with a focus on practical creative arts knowledge.
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