How to Give Good Hugs
Know when to hug., Be welcoming., Open your arms to signal that you want to hug., Consider announcing your hug., Be genuine., Determine your hugging style.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Know when to hug.
There are times for hugging, and times for keeping your hands to yourself.
First, understand why you are hugging this person: perhaps you are greeting a dear friend; perhaps you are comforting someone who's crying; perhaps you are trying to share your feelings for a crush or a partner.
No matter the context, a good hug should feel natural.
Wait for a break in the conversation, or a transition, or a poignant moment.
Consider these scenarios:
A break in the conversation could be any moment when time seems to pause.
You can take advantage of these moments, if you've been meaning to hug someone.
You don't need a reason to hug someone, but your hug should be in context.
It should feel natural to initiate a hug at this time.
A transition could be anything that begins or ends an interaction.
You might hug your friend when you meet her, or hug her when she leaves.
Hug to mark that something is beginning or ending.
A poignant moment could be any experience in which you and another person (or people) have shared powerful emotions.
Hug a friend after he shares a deep and emotional story; hug your sister when her boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with her.
Use hugs to acknowledge that a moment was significant and bring it to a beautiful end. -
Step 2: Be welcoming.
Create a safe and gentle space.
Open your arms wide, and try to keep a warm smile on your face.
Use your body language, your facial expression, and your general demeanor to invite the person into your arms.
Make this person feel like he or she is the only person who matters right now., Your body language should funnel the person into your embrace.
Step toward him or her to make the invitation more clear.
Look your hugging partner in the eyes, and watch her face to make sure that she is open to being hugged.
If the person steps forward to meet your embrace, then he or she has accepted the hug.
It's time to enter hug mode.Wait for a cue.
If you aren't sure, wait until the person you want to hug extends his or her arms.
This is a safe strategy – but you may also consider how much you can brighten someone's day by initiating the hug yourself.
If the person doesn't step into your hug, then don't force it.
Lower your arms and try to back off gracefully.
Let it go. , Say, "Can I hug you?" or "I want to hug you right now." This can be a great segue if you are uncomfortable initiating a hug, or if you think that the other person might be uncomfortable with a sudden hug.
By making your intentions clear, you may be able to clear the air and create a mutually comfortable space.
Know when you don't need to ask.
In most cases, you don't need to announce your hug – especially if you know someone well, or if you have hugged before.
Bear in mind that the hug will likely feel more natural if you just do it. , Don't expect anything from the hug other than warmth and a shared moment.A hug can mean much more than just a hug – but until stated otherwise, a hug is just a hug.
If you are hugging with a warm heart and a genuine desire to make someone feel better, you will likely come across as friendly and welcoming.
If you are trying to use the hug to get something from someone, then they probably won't feel as comfortable. , This will depend on your personality and who you happen to be hugging.
Some people are able to fearlessly rock the bear hug: they spread their arms wide and tightly hug everyone that they meet – and they might even pick people up! Others are subtler and less committal in their approach: they've perfected the side-hug the bro-hug.
Watch various people hug each other, and decide which hug is best for a given situation.
The bear hug:
Throw all of yourself into each hug.
Hold tight and be loving.
Rest your head on your hugging partner's chest or shoulder.
Unabashedly show your love.
The side-hug:
This approach is subtle and low-commitment.
Sidle up next to someone and reach out with one arm.
Slide your arm around their shoulder (if you're taller) or around their back, below their arm (if you're shorter).
Face the same direction as your hugging partner, squeeze their shoulder gently, and let go when it feels appropriate.
The bro-hug:
This is a casual hug between friends, characterized by a quick and low-contact embrace.
Keep your butt out, lean in, and pat your friend on the back 1-3 times.
Try leaning forward from a handshake into a quick, one-armed back-pat. -
Step 3: Open your arms to signal that you want to hug.
-
Step 4: Consider announcing your hug.
-
Step 5: Be genuine.
-
Step 6: Determine your hugging style.
Detailed Guide
There are times for hugging, and times for keeping your hands to yourself.
First, understand why you are hugging this person: perhaps you are greeting a dear friend; perhaps you are comforting someone who's crying; perhaps you are trying to share your feelings for a crush or a partner.
No matter the context, a good hug should feel natural.
Wait for a break in the conversation, or a transition, or a poignant moment.
Consider these scenarios:
A break in the conversation could be any moment when time seems to pause.
You can take advantage of these moments, if you've been meaning to hug someone.
You don't need a reason to hug someone, but your hug should be in context.
It should feel natural to initiate a hug at this time.
A transition could be anything that begins or ends an interaction.
You might hug your friend when you meet her, or hug her when she leaves.
Hug to mark that something is beginning or ending.
A poignant moment could be any experience in which you and another person (or people) have shared powerful emotions.
Hug a friend after he shares a deep and emotional story; hug your sister when her boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with her.
Use hugs to acknowledge that a moment was significant and bring it to a beautiful end.
Create a safe and gentle space.
Open your arms wide, and try to keep a warm smile on your face.
Use your body language, your facial expression, and your general demeanor to invite the person into your arms.
Make this person feel like he or she is the only person who matters right now., Your body language should funnel the person into your embrace.
Step toward him or her to make the invitation more clear.
Look your hugging partner in the eyes, and watch her face to make sure that she is open to being hugged.
If the person steps forward to meet your embrace, then he or she has accepted the hug.
It's time to enter hug mode.Wait for a cue.
If you aren't sure, wait until the person you want to hug extends his or her arms.
This is a safe strategy – but you may also consider how much you can brighten someone's day by initiating the hug yourself.
If the person doesn't step into your hug, then don't force it.
Lower your arms and try to back off gracefully.
Let it go. , Say, "Can I hug you?" or "I want to hug you right now." This can be a great segue if you are uncomfortable initiating a hug, or if you think that the other person might be uncomfortable with a sudden hug.
By making your intentions clear, you may be able to clear the air and create a mutually comfortable space.
Know when you don't need to ask.
In most cases, you don't need to announce your hug – especially if you know someone well, or if you have hugged before.
Bear in mind that the hug will likely feel more natural if you just do it. , Don't expect anything from the hug other than warmth and a shared moment.A hug can mean much more than just a hug – but until stated otherwise, a hug is just a hug.
If you are hugging with a warm heart and a genuine desire to make someone feel better, you will likely come across as friendly and welcoming.
If you are trying to use the hug to get something from someone, then they probably won't feel as comfortable. , This will depend on your personality and who you happen to be hugging.
Some people are able to fearlessly rock the bear hug: they spread their arms wide and tightly hug everyone that they meet – and they might even pick people up! Others are subtler and less committal in their approach: they've perfected the side-hug the bro-hug.
Watch various people hug each other, and decide which hug is best for a given situation.
The bear hug:
Throw all of yourself into each hug.
Hold tight and be loving.
Rest your head on your hugging partner's chest or shoulder.
Unabashedly show your love.
The side-hug:
This approach is subtle and low-commitment.
Sidle up next to someone and reach out with one arm.
Slide your arm around their shoulder (if you're taller) or around their back, below their arm (if you're shorter).
Face the same direction as your hugging partner, squeeze their shoulder gently, and let go when it feels appropriate.
The bro-hug:
This is a casual hug between friends, characterized by a quick and low-contact embrace.
Keep your butt out, lean in, and pat your friend on the back 1-3 times.
Try leaning forward from a handshake into a quick, one-armed back-pat.
About the Author
Frank Stewart
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow practical skills tutorials.
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