How to Not Get Mad at Someone Even Though You Really Want To
Be mindful of the real source of your annoyance., Let go of resentments., Consider whether you have unexpressed expectations., Develop empathy., Practice gratitude., Remember to HALT before you speak.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be mindful of the real source of your annoyance.
It can be very easy to become mad at someone needlessly if you have a tendency to displace your anger or your bad mood.
Taking your displaced anger out on other people is not a healthy way to manage your emotions or your relationships.
To avoid displaced anger, try the following:
Ask yourself, “what is really bothering me?” Then ask yourself, “what is the worst thing about that?” This will help you pinpoint exactly why you feel bothered.Think about why you feel like you need to redirect your anger (for example, if you feel powerless to address a difficult work situation, you may take your anger out on someone at home).
Write down the different things that are causing you to feel negatively or stressed.
Try to deal with each stressor or annoyance separately, rather than rolling them together all into one big stressor.Apologize to someone if you have been short with or rude to her through no fault of her own.
You might say something like, “I’m really sorry that I snapped at you about dinner.
I am a bit overwhelmed at work and I’m having trouble dealing with the stress, but that’s not your fault.
How can I make it up to you?” -
Step 2: Let go of resentments.
Holding onto resentments for things that happened in the past is a common reason for feeling mad at someone.
Resentment is not healthy, and letting go of those feelings is the best way to move on.To move on from resentment, try the following:
Acknowledge that your feelings of resentment don’t serve a productive purpose.
Realize that feeling resentment cannot actually change the past.
Accept that you cannot control the actions or feelings of other people.
Forgive if you can forgive or try to forget if you feel that you cannot forgive. , You might feel mad at another person for doing or not doing something that you expect them to do.
However, she may have no idea that you expect her to do that thing! If you feel like someone is not meeting your expectations, try voicing those expectations and having a conversation about whether they are reasonable.For example, you may feel mad at a coworker who never contributes to the daily coffee fund but drinks coffee every day.
She may not realize that she is expected to pay into the fund or you might find out that she has a sick child and many medical bills.
Having a conversation about your expectations instead of letting yourself feel mad can help strengthen your relationship with her. , One of the best ways to avoid getting mad at someone is to truly understand where she is coming from through understanding.
Getting to know someone better and digging deeper into why she may act a certain way can help you feel empathetic towards her.
Compassion will usually override feelings of anger or annoyance. , Particularly if the person you’re trying not to be mad at is a loved one, try to picture your life without that person in it.
Think about all of the things that she contributes to your life and allow yourself to feel grateful for all that she does.
Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to make a habit of practicing gratitude., The acronym HALT stands for “Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.” It is a common recommendation in 12-step programs to tell yourself to halt (stop) and evaluate whether you feel any of those things before you lash out at another person.
For example, if your husband gets home late and you feel mad at him, before you express that anger, think about yourself first.
Realize if you feel hungry, angry, lonely, or tired and think about whether those factors are influencing your feelings towards your husband.
Eat something, relax on the couch for a few minutes, then ask him about why he is late. -
Step 3: Consider whether you have unexpressed expectations.
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Step 4: Develop empathy.
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Step 5: Practice gratitude.
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Step 6: Remember to HALT before you speak.
Detailed Guide
It can be very easy to become mad at someone needlessly if you have a tendency to displace your anger or your bad mood.
Taking your displaced anger out on other people is not a healthy way to manage your emotions or your relationships.
To avoid displaced anger, try the following:
Ask yourself, “what is really bothering me?” Then ask yourself, “what is the worst thing about that?” This will help you pinpoint exactly why you feel bothered.Think about why you feel like you need to redirect your anger (for example, if you feel powerless to address a difficult work situation, you may take your anger out on someone at home).
Write down the different things that are causing you to feel negatively or stressed.
Try to deal with each stressor or annoyance separately, rather than rolling them together all into one big stressor.Apologize to someone if you have been short with or rude to her through no fault of her own.
You might say something like, “I’m really sorry that I snapped at you about dinner.
I am a bit overwhelmed at work and I’m having trouble dealing with the stress, but that’s not your fault.
How can I make it up to you?”
Holding onto resentments for things that happened in the past is a common reason for feeling mad at someone.
Resentment is not healthy, and letting go of those feelings is the best way to move on.To move on from resentment, try the following:
Acknowledge that your feelings of resentment don’t serve a productive purpose.
Realize that feeling resentment cannot actually change the past.
Accept that you cannot control the actions or feelings of other people.
Forgive if you can forgive or try to forget if you feel that you cannot forgive. , You might feel mad at another person for doing or not doing something that you expect them to do.
However, she may have no idea that you expect her to do that thing! If you feel like someone is not meeting your expectations, try voicing those expectations and having a conversation about whether they are reasonable.For example, you may feel mad at a coworker who never contributes to the daily coffee fund but drinks coffee every day.
She may not realize that she is expected to pay into the fund or you might find out that she has a sick child and many medical bills.
Having a conversation about your expectations instead of letting yourself feel mad can help strengthen your relationship with her. , One of the best ways to avoid getting mad at someone is to truly understand where she is coming from through understanding.
Getting to know someone better and digging deeper into why she may act a certain way can help you feel empathetic towards her.
Compassion will usually override feelings of anger or annoyance. , Particularly if the person you’re trying not to be mad at is a loved one, try to picture your life without that person in it.
Think about all of the things that she contributes to your life and allow yourself to feel grateful for all that she does.
Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to make a habit of practicing gratitude., The acronym HALT stands for “Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.” It is a common recommendation in 12-step programs to tell yourself to halt (stop) and evaluate whether you feel any of those things before you lash out at another person.
For example, if your husband gets home late and you feel mad at him, before you express that anger, think about yourself first.
Realize if you feel hungry, angry, lonely, or tired and think about whether those factors are influencing your feelings towards your husband.
Eat something, relax on the couch for a few minutes, then ask him about why he is late.
About the Author
George Jones
Experienced content creator specializing in creative arts guides and tutorials.
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