How to Rock Out
Turn up the music., Get comfortable., Develop your alter-ego., Find the zone.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Turn up the music.
No one can tell you what music you can or cannot rock out to.
Sure, it's a little tough to jam to Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake, but if you're up for a challenge, go for it.
Whatever "it" is, turn it up.
Turn it way, way up.
This is not to burst your eardrums or to attract the attention of neighborhood watch--this is to drown out all worldly distractions.
In order to successfully rock out, you must clear your mind of everything keeping you from mastering the air guitar while simultaneously winding up in the drop splits.
After all, these things are just holding you back.
Turn down everything else.
That means turning off your phone, the TV, and anything else that could possibly awaken you from your soon-to-be rocking reverie. -
Step 2: Get comfortable.
These coming moments are for you and only you.
No one else should ever be granted the privilege of witnessing your practiced methods of physio melodic expression.
Wear whatever the heck you want.
Some may opt for their old, ratty Peter Frampton Comes Alive! t-shirt from 1975 while others may wish to be naked as a jaybird.
Still others may have a red jumpsuit, blonde hair extensions, and light purple eyeshadow that does the trick.
Pick your poison for the mood.
Close the windows, draw the curtains, and lock the door.
You don't want Earl Hindman peering over his fence to watch you roaming about in your tighty whities or your baby sister walking in to think you're having a seizure.
No emergency vehicles should be called during the making of this venture. , Is he a head-banging, guitar-shredding maniac? Maybe a bootylicious, lascivious heartbreaker? Your identity determines how you rock out.
What instrument does your alter-ego play? Can he feel it coming in the air tonight? If so, would he do an appropriate air drum solo? Or would he dangerously dangle and spin a mic cord as he sticks his thumbs in his too-tight-if-he-weren't-a-rockstar leather pants? How often would he break his air guitar? If you know how to play a rockin' instrument, or are learning, these same principles apply.
However, it's a little hard to get down on the clarinet.
Unless, of course, you can power-slide while playing a little diddy.
If your other half is a little more toned down and wouldn't be caught attempting to breakdance on a shag rug, fear not! One can rock out with dance, song, and crumping. , The danger zone.
You'll know you're there when time stops but the music continues.
Don't think about it! Let it happen.
Let it flow.
You'll know you achieved a rocker's nirvana afterward.
Let your hair down.
While you headbang, the freedom will wash over you like holy water on a baby's bare head.
Not a hair on your scalp or a muscle in your body should feel restricted.
Climb on virtually everything that can be climbed on without breaking.
Your rocking out should exist on all planes.
That means you rock out on the floor, on the bed, on the tables, but not on your mom's collection of ceramic cows.
Close your eyes.
You see that nothing in your hands? Nope, you don't.
That's your own custom Fender Telecaster.
And that Berber carpet? NO! That's a mosh pit.
So be careful. -
Step 3: Develop your alter-ego.
-
Step 4: Find the zone.
Detailed Guide
No one can tell you what music you can or cannot rock out to.
Sure, it's a little tough to jam to Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake, but if you're up for a challenge, go for it.
Whatever "it" is, turn it up.
Turn it way, way up.
This is not to burst your eardrums or to attract the attention of neighborhood watch--this is to drown out all worldly distractions.
In order to successfully rock out, you must clear your mind of everything keeping you from mastering the air guitar while simultaneously winding up in the drop splits.
After all, these things are just holding you back.
Turn down everything else.
That means turning off your phone, the TV, and anything else that could possibly awaken you from your soon-to-be rocking reverie.
These coming moments are for you and only you.
No one else should ever be granted the privilege of witnessing your practiced methods of physio melodic expression.
Wear whatever the heck you want.
Some may opt for their old, ratty Peter Frampton Comes Alive! t-shirt from 1975 while others may wish to be naked as a jaybird.
Still others may have a red jumpsuit, blonde hair extensions, and light purple eyeshadow that does the trick.
Pick your poison for the mood.
Close the windows, draw the curtains, and lock the door.
You don't want Earl Hindman peering over his fence to watch you roaming about in your tighty whities or your baby sister walking in to think you're having a seizure.
No emergency vehicles should be called during the making of this venture. , Is he a head-banging, guitar-shredding maniac? Maybe a bootylicious, lascivious heartbreaker? Your identity determines how you rock out.
What instrument does your alter-ego play? Can he feel it coming in the air tonight? If so, would he do an appropriate air drum solo? Or would he dangerously dangle and spin a mic cord as he sticks his thumbs in his too-tight-if-he-weren't-a-rockstar leather pants? How often would he break his air guitar? If you know how to play a rockin' instrument, or are learning, these same principles apply.
However, it's a little hard to get down on the clarinet.
Unless, of course, you can power-slide while playing a little diddy.
If your other half is a little more toned down and wouldn't be caught attempting to breakdance on a shag rug, fear not! One can rock out with dance, song, and crumping. , The danger zone.
You'll know you're there when time stops but the music continues.
Don't think about it! Let it happen.
Let it flow.
You'll know you achieved a rocker's nirvana afterward.
Let your hair down.
While you headbang, the freedom will wash over you like holy water on a baby's bare head.
Not a hair on your scalp or a muscle in your body should feel restricted.
Climb on virtually everything that can be climbed on without breaking.
Your rocking out should exist on all planes.
That means you rock out on the floor, on the bed, on the tables, but not on your mom's collection of ceramic cows.
Close your eyes.
You see that nothing in your hands? Nope, you don't.
That's your own custom Fender Telecaster.
And that Berber carpet? NO! That's a mosh pit.
So be careful.
About the Author
Claire Jordan
Brings years of experience writing about crafts and related subjects.
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