How to Tell if Someone Is Avoiding You
Notice a sudden drop-off in communication., Identify when someone is making excuses not to spend time with you., Try to make eye contact., Send the person a few messages, and watch the response., Listen for short, disengaged answers., Be aware of...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Notice a sudden drop-off in communication.
Be aware when a person stops contacting you, even sporadically.
The person may not even bother to speak with you in person: perhaps he/she only contacts you via email, text message, and social media.
If you consider yourself friendly or romantically-linked with someone, but s/he suddenly stops talking to you, it could be a sign that s/he is avoiding you.
Consider that your friend may just be busy, and may legitimately want to see you.
They might send a message like: "Sorry I haven't returned your calls...
I'm just so busy with school right now.
Let's get together next week when I have more time." However, if you continue to get these messages week after week—or no message at all—then you can assume that they are trying to avoid you. -
Step 2: Identify when someone is making excuses not to spend time with you.
Perhaps they keep blaming their busy work schedule, or their hectic social life, or maybe something always seems to "come up".
If a person is consistently finding reasons to back out of plans, there's a chance that they are avoiding you.
Don't be too harsh.
Things do "come up," and this person might legitimately feel overwhelmed by their hectic schedule.
Excuses indicate avoidance, but they do not necessarily mean that the person doesn't want to spend time with you. , If you encounter this person face to face, try to look him/her in the eyes.
If he/she is avoiding you, odds are that he/she won't make eye contact with you.
If s/he does, it may just be brief – or s/he may roll his eyes. , If you send a simple "Hey! What's up?" message, and they haven't responded by a few days later, they might not want to talk to you.
Try again, if you don't hear back, but don't accuse them of anything; just try to strike up a normal conversation.
If they don't respond to this second message, don't keep pushing the issue.
Respect their reasons for avoiding you, and do not give them even more reason to avoid you.
Some messaging services show you when a recipient has read your message.
Use this to gauge whether you're being ignored.
If s/he reads all of your messages, but never responds, this indicates at least that s/he isn't interested in holding a message conversation.
If your messages don't show up as "read" or "seen"
you might be able to tell that s/he's online from the "Chat" bar or the timing of her/his other posts.
Use your knowledge of the person's technology habits.
If you know that your friend doesn't log on to Facebook very often, it might be completely in character for her/him to miss your message.
However, if s/he's constantly on Facebook, but s/he's doesn't respond to your messages, it seems likely that s/he's avoiding you. , If you manage to start a conversation with the person, notice if they're giving only short, monotone answers.
They may just be trying to deflect your questions so that they can slip away.
For example: you say, "Hey, we haven't talked in a while.
How are you?" they say, "Fine," and walk away.
This could indicate that your friend is avoiding you. , If the friend makes a point to talk to everyone except for you, they might be avoiding you.
Avoidance doesn't necessarily mean that someone won't spend time with you – it may just mean that they don't acknowledge your presence.
Try to say something directly to the friend, and see how they respond.
If the friend responds quickly and curtly, then turns away—or does not respond at all—there's a good chance that your friend is avoiding you.
Compare this treatment to how the person acts one-on-one.
Perhaps s/he only "avoids" you in group settings, or perhaps he quickly slips away as soon as it's just the two of you.
Try to figure out whether he does this with other people, or just with you.
Notice whether the person leaves the room when you enter.
If this happens consistently, it may indicate that he/she doesn't want to spend time with you. , If this person doesn't ask for your input in meetings or friendly discussions, it may indicate that he/she is trying to ignore you.
Perhaps she doesn't ask you how you feel about decisions; perhaps she doesn't even react when you weigh in with your perspective. , Consider whether you are a priority in his/her life.
Someone might be avoiding you if he/she doesn't make time for you.
Perhaps this person is uncomfortable committing, and wants you to be content to "go with the flow".
Look for these indicators that you may not be a priority:
The relationship doesn’t progress: it sputters through dramatic skips and hops, or it stagnates, or it actually sets you back.
This person is only around when he/she wants something from you.
This includes money, attention, sex, or just an ear to talk to.
Consider whether you are being consistently used.
They only make plans at the last minute.
He/she may just show up at your door or text you late at night without even trying to make plans, -
Step 3: Try to make eye contact.
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Step 4: Send the person a few messages
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Step 5: and watch the response.
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Step 6: Listen for short
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Step 7: disengaged answers.
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Step 8: Be aware of how the potentially avoidant person treats you in a group setting.
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Step 9: Consider whether this person respects your opinion.
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Step 10: Don't put up with someone who's stringing you along.
Detailed Guide
Be aware when a person stops contacting you, even sporadically.
The person may not even bother to speak with you in person: perhaps he/she only contacts you via email, text message, and social media.
If you consider yourself friendly or romantically-linked with someone, but s/he suddenly stops talking to you, it could be a sign that s/he is avoiding you.
Consider that your friend may just be busy, and may legitimately want to see you.
They might send a message like: "Sorry I haven't returned your calls...
I'm just so busy with school right now.
Let's get together next week when I have more time." However, if you continue to get these messages week after week—or no message at all—then you can assume that they are trying to avoid you.
Perhaps they keep blaming their busy work schedule, or their hectic social life, or maybe something always seems to "come up".
If a person is consistently finding reasons to back out of plans, there's a chance that they are avoiding you.
Don't be too harsh.
Things do "come up," and this person might legitimately feel overwhelmed by their hectic schedule.
Excuses indicate avoidance, but they do not necessarily mean that the person doesn't want to spend time with you. , If you encounter this person face to face, try to look him/her in the eyes.
If he/she is avoiding you, odds are that he/she won't make eye contact with you.
If s/he does, it may just be brief – or s/he may roll his eyes. , If you send a simple "Hey! What's up?" message, and they haven't responded by a few days later, they might not want to talk to you.
Try again, if you don't hear back, but don't accuse them of anything; just try to strike up a normal conversation.
If they don't respond to this second message, don't keep pushing the issue.
Respect their reasons for avoiding you, and do not give them even more reason to avoid you.
Some messaging services show you when a recipient has read your message.
Use this to gauge whether you're being ignored.
If s/he reads all of your messages, but never responds, this indicates at least that s/he isn't interested in holding a message conversation.
If your messages don't show up as "read" or "seen"
you might be able to tell that s/he's online from the "Chat" bar or the timing of her/his other posts.
Use your knowledge of the person's technology habits.
If you know that your friend doesn't log on to Facebook very often, it might be completely in character for her/him to miss your message.
However, if s/he's constantly on Facebook, but s/he's doesn't respond to your messages, it seems likely that s/he's avoiding you. , If you manage to start a conversation with the person, notice if they're giving only short, monotone answers.
They may just be trying to deflect your questions so that they can slip away.
For example: you say, "Hey, we haven't talked in a while.
How are you?" they say, "Fine," and walk away.
This could indicate that your friend is avoiding you. , If the friend makes a point to talk to everyone except for you, they might be avoiding you.
Avoidance doesn't necessarily mean that someone won't spend time with you – it may just mean that they don't acknowledge your presence.
Try to say something directly to the friend, and see how they respond.
If the friend responds quickly and curtly, then turns away—or does not respond at all—there's a good chance that your friend is avoiding you.
Compare this treatment to how the person acts one-on-one.
Perhaps s/he only "avoids" you in group settings, or perhaps he quickly slips away as soon as it's just the two of you.
Try to figure out whether he does this with other people, or just with you.
Notice whether the person leaves the room when you enter.
If this happens consistently, it may indicate that he/she doesn't want to spend time with you. , If this person doesn't ask for your input in meetings or friendly discussions, it may indicate that he/she is trying to ignore you.
Perhaps she doesn't ask you how you feel about decisions; perhaps she doesn't even react when you weigh in with your perspective. , Consider whether you are a priority in his/her life.
Someone might be avoiding you if he/she doesn't make time for you.
Perhaps this person is uncomfortable committing, and wants you to be content to "go with the flow".
Look for these indicators that you may not be a priority:
The relationship doesn’t progress: it sputters through dramatic skips and hops, or it stagnates, or it actually sets you back.
This person is only around when he/she wants something from you.
This includes money, attention, sex, or just an ear to talk to.
Consider whether you are being consistently used.
They only make plans at the last minute.
He/she may just show up at your door or text you late at night without even trying to make plans,
About the Author
Ryan Green
Creates helpful guides on DIY projects to inspire and educate readers.
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