How to Deal with an Unsupportive Husband After a Miscarriage
Identify what you are feeling., Talk about the loss with your husband., Consider your husband’s grieving style., Tell your husband what kind of emotional support you need., Ask your husband what kind of support he needs.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Identify what you are feeling.
Before you talk with your husband about how you are feeling, make sure to take some time to think about how the miscarriage has affected you.
Spend some time alone and reflect on your feeling.
Try writing out how you feel before starting a discussion with your husband.
For example, you might write about feeling sad, disappointed, angry, frightened, etc. -
Step 2: Talk about the loss with your husband.
Miscarriage affects everyone differently.
Your husband may be having a hard time coming to terms with what has happened, too.
Sharing your feelings with each other may be painful, but it is a necessary step towards working through your grief.Grieving is often more effective when you voice your thoughts and feelings with someone who shares the loss.
You might say to your husband, "I am heartbroken about the miscarriage.
I was so excited about our first child.
I know you must be hurting, too..." Recognizing that he suffered a loss, too, can open the door for honest conversation. , Different people sometimes grieve differently.
Your husband may channel his pain into taking care of practical things and trying to move on, rather than dwelling on the event and his emotions.
Even if your husband is putting on a good face to the world, that doesn’t mean he isn’t sad, angry, or depressed inside.Think about other losses or setbacks your husband has experienced in your time together.
How did he respond? Was it similar to how he is responding now? Ask your husband what he needs, and express your own needs, too.
Say something to the effect of, "It helps me to mourn the loss if I talk about what happened.
But, I understand that this type of grieving won't work for everyone.
What can I do to help support you as you grieve our baby?"
Your husband may not know how to comfort you, or he may be worried about saying the wrong thing.
Instead of hoping he’ll know what to do and then feeling resentful when he doesn’t, ask him directly for what you need, whether that means a listening ear, a hug, or just some company.For instance, you might say to him, “Today has been a rough day for me.
Can I talk to you about how I’m feeling?” Some people are more comfortable expressing their emotions non-verbally.
Your husband might have a hard time talking about the miscarriage, but be eager to comfort you in other ways, such as holding you or taking care of things around the house.
Look for ways in which he is trying to comfort you or make your life easier, and recognize him for those to strengthen your bond.
For example, if you notice that your husband has been helping out more than usual with household chores, then this might , Your husband might be acting brave in the face of the loss, but he needs support too.
By taking the initiative to comfort him, you’ll make him feel more comfortable doing the same for you.
Address his feelings when you talk about the miscarriage, and ask him what he needs from you.If your husband isn’t forthcoming about his feelings, make sure he knows you’ll be there for him in the future if he changes his mind.
Say, “If you ever want to talk about this, just let me know.” Affectionate touch like hugs and back rubs can be a good way to communicate your love and support to your husband.
You might think about a few ways that you could support him and pass them along for him to think about, making it clear that you mean no pressure. -
Step 3: Consider your husband’s grieving style.
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Step 4: Tell your husband what kind of emotional support you need.
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Step 5: Ask your husband what kind of support he needs.
Detailed Guide
Before you talk with your husband about how you are feeling, make sure to take some time to think about how the miscarriage has affected you.
Spend some time alone and reflect on your feeling.
Try writing out how you feel before starting a discussion with your husband.
For example, you might write about feeling sad, disappointed, angry, frightened, etc.
Miscarriage affects everyone differently.
Your husband may be having a hard time coming to terms with what has happened, too.
Sharing your feelings with each other may be painful, but it is a necessary step towards working through your grief.Grieving is often more effective when you voice your thoughts and feelings with someone who shares the loss.
You might say to your husband, "I am heartbroken about the miscarriage.
I was so excited about our first child.
I know you must be hurting, too..." Recognizing that he suffered a loss, too, can open the door for honest conversation. , Different people sometimes grieve differently.
Your husband may channel his pain into taking care of practical things and trying to move on, rather than dwelling on the event and his emotions.
Even if your husband is putting on a good face to the world, that doesn’t mean he isn’t sad, angry, or depressed inside.Think about other losses or setbacks your husband has experienced in your time together.
How did he respond? Was it similar to how he is responding now? Ask your husband what he needs, and express your own needs, too.
Say something to the effect of, "It helps me to mourn the loss if I talk about what happened.
But, I understand that this type of grieving won't work for everyone.
What can I do to help support you as you grieve our baby?"
Your husband may not know how to comfort you, or he may be worried about saying the wrong thing.
Instead of hoping he’ll know what to do and then feeling resentful when he doesn’t, ask him directly for what you need, whether that means a listening ear, a hug, or just some company.For instance, you might say to him, “Today has been a rough day for me.
Can I talk to you about how I’m feeling?” Some people are more comfortable expressing their emotions non-verbally.
Your husband might have a hard time talking about the miscarriage, but be eager to comfort you in other ways, such as holding you or taking care of things around the house.
Look for ways in which he is trying to comfort you or make your life easier, and recognize him for those to strengthen your bond.
For example, if you notice that your husband has been helping out more than usual with household chores, then this might , Your husband might be acting brave in the face of the loss, but he needs support too.
By taking the initiative to comfort him, you’ll make him feel more comfortable doing the same for you.
Address his feelings when you talk about the miscarriage, and ask him what he needs from you.If your husband isn’t forthcoming about his feelings, make sure he knows you’ll be there for him in the future if he changes his mind.
Say, “If you ever want to talk about this, just let me know.” Affectionate touch like hugs and back rubs can be a good way to communicate your love and support to your husband.
You might think about a few ways that you could support him and pass them along for him to think about, making it clear that you mean no pressure.
About the Author
Margaret Hamilton
Brings years of experience writing about organization and related subjects.
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