How to Deal With Unrequited Love

Accept that romantic love isn't usually a conscious decision., Eradicate any sense of neediness., Distance yourself., Enjoy being single., If you want to stay friends, follow the steps in How to Deal With Being Dumped when You Want to Remain...

7 Steps 2 min read Medium

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Step 1: Accept that romantic love isn't usually a conscious decision.

    So, if a person knows that you love them, but doesn't feel the same way about you, don't view it as some kind of betrayal or deliberate withholding.

    They might want to love you, but simply don't, for reasons they don't understand, and may never understand.

    Sometimes the feeling just isn't there.

    Try not to take it personally.
  2. Step 2: Eradicate any sense of neediness.

    If you're feeling upset, depressed, or bitter, it's probably because you feel you need that person's love in order to be happy.

    But, the research on happiness says that all you need is a healthy dose of optimism.

    You may also find that it's a sense of neediness (which you may be conveying without even realizing it) that's turning off the person you love, perhaps by making them feel like they are on a pedestal that they don't want to be on. , You won't want to, but staying close to someone you want but can't have just isn't healthy.

    Don't tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise.

    Just try to get away for a while.

    Don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequently visit, and make yourself scarce.

    If you must have some contact (such as work) respond to messages slowly after a few days.

    Only call back when you have a good excuse to get off the phone after a few minutes.

    Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself. , Dealing with unrequited love is a lot like getting over a break up, except you feel a sense of loss over something you never had.

    Still, you have to learn how to enjoy life without someone, which can be hard in our couple-centered society, but it's do-able. , While you weren't dumped, you were rejected, and following that advice will help preserve your friendship with this person. , If you feel that you really, truly love this person, then perhaps you can love them unconditionally.

    You'll know you've reached that point when you can genuinely feel happy for them, even if that happiness does not include you.

    With unconditional love, there's no sense of loss, because it's about deriving all your happiness from the act of giving
    - not from receiving.
  3. Step 3: Distance yourself.

  4. Step 4: Enjoy being single.

  5. Step 5: If you want to stay friends

  6. Step 6: follow the steps in How to Deal With Being Dumped when You Want to Remain Friends.

  7. Step 7: Practice unconditional love.

Detailed Guide

So, if a person knows that you love them, but doesn't feel the same way about you, don't view it as some kind of betrayal or deliberate withholding.

They might want to love you, but simply don't, for reasons they don't understand, and may never understand.

Sometimes the feeling just isn't there.

Try not to take it personally.

If you're feeling upset, depressed, or bitter, it's probably because you feel you need that person's love in order to be happy.

But, the research on happiness says that all you need is a healthy dose of optimism.

You may also find that it's a sense of neediness (which you may be conveying without even realizing it) that's turning off the person you love, perhaps by making them feel like they are on a pedestal that they don't want to be on. , You won't want to, but staying close to someone you want but can't have just isn't healthy.

Don't tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise.

Just try to get away for a while.

Don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequently visit, and make yourself scarce.

If you must have some contact (such as work) respond to messages slowly after a few days.

Only call back when you have a good excuse to get off the phone after a few minutes.

Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself. , Dealing with unrequited love is a lot like getting over a break up, except you feel a sense of loss over something you never had.

Still, you have to learn how to enjoy life without someone, which can be hard in our couple-centered society, but it's do-able. , While you weren't dumped, you were rejected, and following that advice will help preserve your friendship with this person. , If you feel that you really, truly love this person, then perhaps you can love them unconditionally.

You'll know you've reached that point when you can genuinely feel happy for them, even if that happiness does not include you.

With unconditional love, there's no sense of loss, because it's about deriving all your happiness from the act of giving
- not from receiving.

About the Author

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Teresa Perry

Writer and educator with a focus on practical home improvement knowledge.

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