How to End a Relationship Without Losing Mutual Friends
Avoid talking about the breakup., Don't ever trash talk your ex., Be careful of what you reveal., Stay in touch., If you are already seeing someone new, keep the new lover away from the mutual friends., Speaking of gatherings, don't assume you are...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Avoid talking about the breakup.
There are two sides to every story.
Save your side for telling to your family and those friends you knew prior to starting the relationship. -
Step 2: Don't ever trash talk your ex.
Just because you're not talking about the breakup doesn't mean you can gossip about your ex behind his/her back, your talk being unrelated to the end of the relationship.
When you trash your ex to people who are his or her friends as much as yours, you're putting those friends between a rock and a hard place.
They want to be loyal to both of you. , Since these are mutual friends, remember that anything you say to them may get repeated to your ex.
This can really botch up any headway you've made in terms of establishing a less contentious relationship with the ex. , It's hard sometimes, because those friends are so powerfully connected to the old relationship in your mind and heart.
If you want to keep these friends, realize they may not know how to approach you, so give them a call or send an email to them to let them know you want to continue your friendship.
As mentioned, be careful that you don't reveal things you wouldn't want your ex to be privy to, but do tell them enough about how you're doing that they feel like they're still a part of your life.
You can say things like, "I'm doing pretty well, all things considered.
Yes, it's tough starting over, but hopefully the worst is behind me now, and I'm ready to move on."
There may be resentment or a pre-disposition not to like the new love, simply because s/he isn't your old love.
This is because your friends might feel like they're betraying their friend (your ex) by liking the person who took his or her place.
For awhile, keep your new love interest to yourself.
Wait until the dust settles and you all feel like you're on more solid ground before bringing someone new to gatherings. , Some of your friends will not want to deal with the "who do I invite?" feeling that forces them to choose between the two of you.
They will simply invite you both and let you settle how you handle it, thinking that as you're both adults, you will be okay.
In a large group, this may be all right.
At a small dinner party? Awk-warrrrrd.
Avoid the situation when invited to a small gathering by asking straight out, "Is ________(your ex) coming?" There is a strong likelihood it will be answered truthfully.
Don't pitch a fit that makes your host feel guilty, simply give your regrets right then, "Oh, okay.
I probably won't come, then, because that's a pretty small gathering.
No worries, we'll just make it a time when there will be more people and distractions." Smile and be gracious, and thank your host for thinking of you. , In a misguided attempt to assure you that they are on "your side," your friends may even take a shot or two at your ex.
Don't join in or take pleasure at jokes made at his or her expense.
Remember
- they're probably making the same kinds of jokes about you to him/her.
Instead, just take it in stride and say something to the effect of, "You know, I did get angry during the breakup, but now I just feel sorry and sad.
We had a lot of good times together, and even though it's time to move on, I don't regret the time we spent together.
I would never have met you guys if not for __________(your ex's name here)." And then don't say any more.
They'll all nod and admire your class. , Remember the saying "time heals all wounds".
A breakup is like a broken arm.
It hurts like hell, and there's nothing you can do about it once it's been set and cast, except give it time.
You just have to endure the pain and deal with the changes it causes in your life.
As time passes and you still refuse to badmouth your ex or take part in shooting matches with him or her as the target, your friends will realize you've moved on. -
Step 3: Be careful of what you reveal.
-
Step 4: Stay in touch.
-
Step 5: If you are already seeing someone new
-
Step 6: keep the new lover away from the mutual friends.
-
Step 7: Speaking of gatherings
-
Step 8: don't assume you are the only one being invited.
-
Step 9: Take the high road in all things.
-
Step 10: Let time take care of the rest.
Detailed Guide
There are two sides to every story.
Save your side for telling to your family and those friends you knew prior to starting the relationship.
Just because you're not talking about the breakup doesn't mean you can gossip about your ex behind his/her back, your talk being unrelated to the end of the relationship.
When you trash your ex to people who are his or her friends as much as yours, you're putting those friends between a rock and a hard place.
They want to be loyal to both of you. , Since these are mutual friends, remember that anything you say to them may get repeated to your ex.
This can really botch up any headway you've made in terms of establishing a less contentious relationship with the ex. , It's hard sometimes, because those friends are so powerfully connected to the old relationship in your mind and heart.
If you want to keep these friends, realize they may not know how to approach you, so give them a call or send an email to them to let them know you want to continue your friendship.
As mentioned, be careful that you don't reveal things you wouldn't want your ex to be privy to, but do tell them enough about how you're doing that they feel like they're still a part of your life.
You can say things like, "I'm doing pretty well, all things considered.
Yes, it's tough starting over, but hopefully the worst is behind me now, and I'm ready to move on."
There may be resentment or a pre-disposition not to like the new love, simply because s/he isn't your old love.
This is because your friends might feel like they're betraying their friend (your ex) by liking the person who took his or her place.
For awhile, keep your new love interest to yourself.
Wait until the dust settles and you all feel like you're on more solid ground before bringing someone new to gatherings. , Some of your friends will not want to deal with the "who do I invite?" feeling that forces them to choose between the two of you.
They will simply invite you both and let you settle how you handle it, thinking that as you're both adults, you will be okay.
In a large group, this may be all right.
At a small dinner party? Awk-warrrrrd.
Avoid the situation when invited to a small gathering by asking straight out, "Is ________(your ex) coming?" There is a strong likelihood it will be answered truthfully.
Don't pitch a fit that makes your host feel guilty, simply give your regrets right then, "Oh, okay.
I probably won't come, then, because that's a pretty small gathering.
No worries, we'll just make it a time when there will be more people and distractions." Smile and be gracious, and thank your host for thinking of you. , In a misguided attempt to assure you that they are on "your side," your friends may even take a shot or two at your ex.
Don't join in or take pleasure at jokes made at his or her expense.
Remember
- they're probably making the same kinds of jokes about you to him/her.
Instead, just take it in stride and say something to the effect of, "You know, I did get angry during the breakup, but now I just feel sorry and sad.
We had a lot of good times together, and even though it's time to move on, I don't regret the time we spent together.
I would never have met you guys if not for __________(your ex's name here)." And then don't say any more.
They'll all nod and admire your class. , Remember the saying "time heals all wounds".
A breakup is like a broken arm.
It hurts like hell, and there's nothing you can do about it once it's been set and cast, except give it time.
You just have to endure the pain and deal with the changes it causes in your life.
As time passes and you still refuse to badmouth your ex or take part in shooting matches with him or her as the target, your friends will realize you've moved on.
About the Author
Alice Ross
Enthusiastic about teaching creative arts techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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