How to Get Over Fear of Commitment

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Find a therapist.

   Look for a counselor or social worker who can work with you on exploring your commitment issues.
   
   You may want to look for someone who specializes in relationship issues and attachment theory.
   
   Make sure they are licensed by a state or national governing body that oversees mental health care professionals.Attachment theory focuses on a child’s early connections with their primary caregiver.
   
   This is important to consider in pursuing your own therapeutic work, because your early connections with your caregivers may have influenced your commitment phobia and/or how you navigate adult relationships.
   
   Ask your doctor, or contact your local community health agency, for suggestions as to how you can find a therapist near you.
   
   You could also type “find a therapist” into a search engine and you will find websites who can help you locate one.
2. 2

   Step 2: Examine your life history.

   A fear of commitment is likely the result of past experiences.
   
   Consider what events in your life may have contributed to your fear.
   
   A therapist or close friend may be able to help you with this and provide a listening ear.You may have had a previous relationship you thought was going well end suddenly without warning.
   
   You may have been in a previous abusive relationship.
   
   You may have suffered child abuse or other trauma while growing up.
   
   You may have experienced your parents divorcing while growing up.You may have unmet needs or attachment issues stemming from childhood. , Figure out what it is about commitment that scares you.
   
   Different people may find different aspects of commitment frightening.
   
   Generally, most people are afraid of intimacy and genuine emotional connection, but there is often another aspect that is holding them back to pursuing a commited relationship.You may be afraid that you are making the wrong choice.
   
   You may be with someone and think, “But what if there is someone better out there for me?” You may be afraid that you are losing your freedom.
   
   You may no longer have wide-open weekends or the opportunity to do whatever you want, when you want.
   
   You will have another person’s needs and wants to consider.
   
   You may be afraid of the monotony.
   
   By being in a relationship, you will be forced to do the work of a relationship, which is not all fireworks and butterflies.
   
   Authentic relationships take a lot of maintenance to thrive. , Spend some time writing in a journal about your commitment fears.
   
   Journaling helps you clarify your feelings and understand yourself better.
   
   Your written record also serves to show you a track of your progress, which can help you feel better about yourself.Try to turn off your inner censor and write quickly, without worrying about spelling or punctuation.
   
   Try to get into the habit of regular journaling.
   
   Many people find twenty minutes or so, first thing in the morning, to be mind-clearing and focusing.
   
   Be sure to revisit what you wrote to see if you hit on any clarifying points.
   
   Don’t worry if this doesn’t happen all the time.
   
   Journaling is a process. , Does your fear of commitment in relationships also show up in other parts of your life? If you see a pattern, you may wish to consider talking to a counselor about how to break the cycle.
   
   For example, you may be renting an apartment in an area in which you have lived for years, because the idea of owning property and being “stuck” somewhere is terrifying.
   
   Or you may have dropped out of a training program for a job you wanted because you were afraid that would narrow your options down the road.
   
   You may struggle with staying in one job for a long period of time.
   
   Not having a track record of consistent employment may result in career difficulties or stagnation down the road.
   
   Speaking to a career counselor to help you figure out your professional goals and develop a plan of action may be useful in this situation.
   
   Figure out what might make non-relationship commitment phobia easier for you to manage.
   
   For example, you may feel more comfortable about buying a big-ticket item after doing lots of research on it.
   
   Or you may find rewarding yourself for sticking to a plan is the key to your consistency.
   
   For example, if you stay in a job for two years, you will reward yourself with a cruise.
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   Step 3: Name your fears.

4. 4

   Step 4: Journal.

5. 5

   Step 5: Examine other areas of your life for possible commitment phobia.

Detailed Guide

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