How to Have an Emotionally Healthy Divorce
Avoid being combative., Limit emotional communication., Set aside anger., Make requests, not demands.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Avoid being combative.
Because of what you might hear/see on TV and from others who have gotten divorced, you may think that getting divorced has to be a big fight.
The truth is, however, that it doesn’t.
Keeping this in mind can help you from being defensive.Try to get on the same page with your ex.
If you can be on the same page then it will make the whole process easier.
Understand that this doesn’t mean that you can avoid experiencing negative emotions.
Divorce is almost always painful, so you’ll have to deal with those feelings of loss.
Most people experience anger, grief, fear, and anxiety when going through a divorce.If you are able to find a way to be civil and productive together, you may even be able to finalize your divorce without wasting time and money on a lawyer. -
Step 2: Limit emotional communication.
There are likely many things that have happened in your relationship that you haven’t been able to work out with each other.
There is little point in going through it over and over again.
Agree to let the past stay in the past, and consider this a new beginning for whatever relationship you might have with your ex.If you have no reason to communicate with your ex after the divorce then this should be easy.
Keep your communications with your ex strictly business.
Don’t talk about how you’re feeling or ask how your ex is feeling.
Take care of the details of the divorce and move on.
If you want to have some type of friendly relationship with your ex (for whatever reason), then agree with one another that all past hurts and disagreements are to stay in the past.
It may be easier said than done, but do your best to keep your communication in the present tense, and try to keep your talks as positive as possible. , You will no doubt be feeling a lot of different emotions when you are going through a divorce.
Many of these emotions may be very negative.
Do your best to stay positive when communicating with your ex.This is especially important if you have children together.
Move the focus off of your failed relationship, and focus on how you can work together to raise your children.
Anger, shock, and blaming the other spouse for the failure of the marriage are all common reactions to divorce.
You shouldn't ignore them or suppress them, but try to put them aside when you are communicating with your ex, then work through them with the assistance of a therapist or using healthy coping tools, like journaling. , When you are negotiating the divorce with your ex, try to remain civil.
If you want something, don’t demand it.
Even if you mean it as a request, stating something that you want without wording it carefully can lead to misunderstandings and anger.For example, if you want to sell the home you bought together then don’t say, “We are selling the house.” This sounds like a demand even if you didn’t mean it that way.
Instead, try saying it like this, “What do you think about selling the house and splitting the money from the sale 50/50?” This gives your ex a chance to express their feelings about it rather than feeling that they need to defend themselves. -
Step 3: Set aside anger.
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Step 4: Make requests
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Step 5: not demands.
Detailed Guide
Because of what you might hear/see on TV and from others who have gotten divorced, you may think that getting divorced has to be a big fight.
The truth is, however, that it doesn’t.
Keeping this in mind can help you from being defensive.Try to get on the same page with your ex.
If you can be on the same page then it will make the whole process easier.
Understand that this doesn’t mean that you can avoid experiencing negative emotions.
Divorce is almost always painful, so you’ll have to deal with those feelings of loss.
Most people experience anger, grief, fear, and anxiety when going through a divorce.If you are able to find a way to be civil and productive together, you may even be able to finalize your divorce without wasting time and money on a lawyer.
There are likely many things that have happened in your relationship that you haven’t been able to work out with each other.
There is little point in going through it over and over again.
Agree to let the past stay in the past, and consider this a new beginning for whatever relationship you might have with your ex.If you have no reason to communicate with your ex after the divorce then this should be easy.
Keep your communications with your ex strictly business.
Don’t talk about how you’re feeling or ask how your ex is feeling.
Take care of the details of the divorce and move on.
If you want to have some type of friendly relationship with your ex (for whatever reason), then agree with one another that all past hurts and disagreements are to stay in the past.
It may be easier said than done, but do your best to keep your communication in the present tense, and try to keep your talks as positive as possible. , You will no doubt be feeling a lot of different emotions when you are going through a divorce.
Many of these emotions may be very negative.
Do your best to stay positive when communicating with your ex.This is especially important if you have children together.
Move the focus off of your failed relationship, and focus on how you can work together to raise your children.
Anger, shock, and blaming the other spouse for the failure of the marriage are all common reactions to divorce.
You shouldn't ignore them or suppress them, but try to put them aside when you are communicating with your ex, then work through them with the assistance of a therapist or using healthy coping tools, like journaling. , When you are negotiating the divorce with your ex, try to remain civil.
If you want something, don’t demand it.
Even if you mean it as a request, stating something that you want without wording it carefully can lead to misunderstandings and anger.For example, if you want to sell the home you bought together then don’t say, “We are selling the house.” This sounds like a demand even if you didn’t mean it that way.
Instead, try saying it like this, “What do you think about selling the house and splitting the money from the sale 50/50?” This gives your ex a chance to express their feelings about it rather than feeling that they need to defend themselves.
About the Author
Eric Morgan
Enthusiastic about teaching DIY projects techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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