How to Be a Good Friend to Someone with Gender Dysphoria
Help them by listening., Don't avoid the situation., Don't always talk about the condition, either, and avoid the term "disorder". , Always refer your friend as being the gender they are inside; avoid "he" for male-assigned girls and "she" for...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Help them by listening.
Your friend will definitely have lows.
Let them know you're always available to talk. -
Step 2: Don't avoid the situation.
Don't try to totally ignore the fact they they have Gender Dysphoria, because they will need to talk about it. ,, There are also many other pronouns that people may use, most commonly if they are non-binary.
If you're not sure what pronouns to use for your friend in public (for example, if they still live as their assigned gender), ask! You don't want to accidentally out them.
Outing people can place them in severe danger. , If your friend is a woman who was coercively male-assigned at birth (CAMAB), point out something pretty about her when you meet; don't overdo this though, actually find a good point
- don't lie to her.
If she's wearing cute shoes, or her hair looks especially nice, say so! Trans guys like this too! If they seem especially "manly" or handsome that day, they'd probably love to hear it, even if they grumble and try to act like they don't care.
If they don't look good, mental qualities are very safe ground for true compliments.
She's got an eye for fashion.
He's great for remembering all the sports scores.
Things that they are genuinely strong in.
Don't always keep it to appearance or they may start to feel even more self conscious about how they look. , Conversely, if your friend is a guy, ask him to hang out with you and do guy-things. , With a trans woman, ask her if she'd mind helping you clean up sometime or go shopping with you, girl things.
If you're a guy, compliment her for being really good at the girl things.
If you're hanging out with a trans man, ask him to carry your packages, smile and appreciate it if he holds the door, ask him to get the firewood, things like that.
Small gender-related compliments along with these expectations can go so deep to help a trans person feel accepted. "Butch can get that stuff down from the top shelf, he's so strong.
Hey Butch, would you pull the grill down so we can barbecue?" That kind of thing.
Not like overdoing it, like you would with anyone of their age, health and gender. "Dear, would you please arrange the flowers? I know you've got an eye for that." No matter what they look like, these little gendered encounters go on all the time for most people and get taken for granted.
They're water in the desert to someone who's been long burned by never being accepted as who they are.
Don't be surprised at occasional thanks much bigger than a small favor merits, that only means that what you did meant that much to them. , If you're the same gender, going in first to see if anyone's in there and beckoning them in, then standing guard is a very big favor.
Most people in transition have a hard time finding a bathroom they can use, at some stages they can get trouble in either bathroom.
When planning outings, scout ahead for where any mixed-use single user bathrooms are.
Some places have disabled bathrooms set up separately from male or female with just one toilet in it.
Anytime a friend checks this out first may save them a lot of embarrassment in the search. -
Step 3: Don't always talk about the condition
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Step 4: either
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Step 5: and avoid the term "disorder".
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Step 6: Always refer your friend as being the gender they are inside; avoid "he" for male-assigned girls and "she" for female-assigned boys.
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Step 7: Compliment your friend.
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Step 8: If your friend is a woman
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Step 9: invite her to your girly nights as this will do a lot for her self-esteem.
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Step 10: Ask for small favors appropriate to the gender your friend is inside.
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Step 11: Help them with same sex bathrooms.
Detailed Guide
Your friend will definitely have lows.
Let them know you're always available to talk.
Don't try to totally ignore the fact they they have Gender Dysphoria, because they will need to talk about it. ,, There are also many other pronouns that people may use, most commonly if they are non-binary.
If you're not sure what pronouns to use for your friend in public (for example, if they still live as their assigned gender), ask! You don't want to accidentally out them.
Outing people can place them in severe danger. , If your friend is a woman who was coercively male-assigned at birth (CAMAB), point out something pretty about her when you meet; don't overdo this though, actually find a good point
- don't lie to her.
If she's wearing cute shoes, or her hair looks especially nice, say so! Trans guys like this too! If they seem especially "manly" or handsome that day, they'd probably love to hear it, even if they grumble and try to act like they don't care.
If they don't look good, mental qualities are very safe ground for true compliments.
She's got an eye for fashion.
He's great for remembering all the sports scores.
Things that they are genuinely strong in.
Don't always keep it to appearance or they may start to feel even more self conscious about how they look. , Conversely, if your friend is a guy, ask him to hang out with you and do guy-things. , With a trans woman, ask her if she'd mind helping you clean up sometime or go shopping with you, girl things.
If you're a guy, compliment her for being really good at the girl things.
If you're hanging out with a trans man, ask him to carry your packages, smile and appreciate it if he holds the door, ask him to get the firewood, things like that.
Small gender-related compliments along with these expectations can go so deep to help a trans person feel accepted. "Butch can get that stuff down from the top shelf, he's so strong.
Hey Butch, would you pull the grill down so we can barbecue?" That kind of thing.
Not like overdoing it, like you would with anyone of their age, health and gender. "Dear, would you please arrange the flowers? I know you've got an eye for that." No matter what they look like, these little gendered encounters go on all the time for most people and get taken for granted.
They're water in the desert to someone who's been long burned by never being accepted as who they are.
Don't be surprised at occasional thanks much bigger than a small favor merits, that only means that what you did meant that much to them. , If you're the same gender, going in first to see if anyone's in there and beckoning them in, then standing guard is a very big favor.
Most people in transition have a hard time finding a bathroom they can use, at some stages they can get trouble in either bathroom.
When planning outings, scout ahead for where any mixed-use single user bathrooms are.
Some places have disabled bathrooms set up separately from male or female with just one toilet in it.
Anytime a friend checks this out first may save them a lot of embarrassment in the search.
About the Author
Cheryl Walker
Writer and educator with a focus on practical DIY projects knowledge.
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