How to Be More Talkative and Less Shy
Practice some conversation starters., Practice what you will say., Focus on the other person., Make small contributions during group conversations., Ask open ended questions., Speak early in the conversation.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Practice some conversation starters.
Starting a conversation with someone you do not know can be difficult.
You will feel less awkward if you are well prepared.
Prepare some conversation starters before you go somewhere so you will have something to talk about.If you are going to a party, you may say, “The food is really good.
Have you tried the ____?” or “How do you know ____?” You can give a compliment. “Hey, I love your shirt.
Where did you get it?” If you are going to a place where you have something in common with the people there, talk about what you have in common and then ask a question.
You may say, “I love video games too, what is your favorite one?” -
Step 2: Practice what you will say.
Write down what you would like to say and rehearse in front of the mirror or out loud.
This will help the conversation feel more natural when you actually go through with it.
Even though you practice, things may not go exactly how you planned, but that it okay.After you have practiced and tried to do it in real life, you can make adjustments based on your experience.
Your practice should be specific to the challenge that you are taking on.
If you are going to school, your practice conversations may focus on studying, note taking, or an upcoming project or test.
If you are going to a party, your practice conversation may focus on music, providing compliments, and food at the party. , Because you are shy, you are probably thinking about yourself when you interact with others.
You may worry about how the other person perceives you or what you will say next.
Instead of thinking about yourself and your feelings, focus on what the other person is saying or what is going on around you.Being a good listener can help you focus on the other person.
Make eye contact, nod your head every once in a while, and smile at the person.
You can also make comments like “yes,” “uh huh,” or “mmhmmm” during the conversation.
Watch their behaviors, tones, body language, facial expressions, and how they relate to others.
Use empathy to try to experience what they are talking about.
Doing this will also help you be more present in a conversation and more able to respond appropriately. , It can be easy to sit back and observe a conversation instead of actually participating in the conversation.
This is even more difficult if the group of people all know each other, and you are an outsider.
If this is the case, try to stay engaged in the conversation and make small statements such as:”Yeah, I know right.” ”That’s crazy.” ”I heard that too.” Laugh when other people laugh instead of being silent.
These small statements can also prepare you to start saying more when you feel more comfortable. , Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer.
These types of questions keep the conversation going and allow you to learn about the other person.
Most people like talking about themselves so this takes the burden off of you.For example, instead of saying, “Do you have a pet?” you say, “What type of animals do you like?” Instead of saying, “Do you have plans this weekend?” you say, “What are you looking forward to this weekend?” , When you are entering a group situation where you would like to speak more, try to get in the conversation within the first 10 minutes.
If you jump in the conversation early, you are less likely to clam up or chicken out.
You do not have to make a big contribution to the conversation either.Simply agreeing with someone or asking a question will do. -
Step 3: Focus on the other person.
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Step 4: Make small contributions during group conversations.
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Step 5: Ask open ended questions.
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Step 6: Speak early in the conversation.
Detailed Guide
Starting a conversation with someone you do not know can be difficult.
You will feel less awkward if you are well prepared.
Prepare some conversation starters before you go somewhere so you will have something to talk about.If you are going to a party, you may say, “The food is really good.
Have you tried the ____?” or “How do you know ____?” You can give a compliment. “Hey, I love your shirt.
Where did you get it?” If you are going to a place where you have something in common with the people there, talk about what you have in common and then ask a question.
You may say, “I love video games too, what is your favorite one?”
Write down what you would like to say and rehearse in front of the mirror or out loud.
This will help the conversation feel more natural when you actually go through with it.
Even though you practice, things may not go exactly how you planned, but that it okay.After you have practiced and tried to do it in real life, you can make adjustments based on your experience.
Your practice should be specific to the challenge that you are taking on.
If you are going to school, your practice conversations may focus on studying, note taking, or an upcoming project or test.
If you are going to a party, your practice conversation may focus on music, providing compliments, and food at the party. , Because you are shy, you are probably thinking about yourself when you interact with others.
You may worry about how the other person perceives you or what you will say next.
Instead of thinking about yourself and your feelings, focus on what the other person is saying or what is going on around you.Being a good listener can help you focus on the other person.
Make eye contact, nod your head every once in a while, and smile at the person.
You can also make comments like “yes,” “uh huh,” or “mmhmmm” during the conversation.
Watch their behaviors, tones, body language, facial expressions, and how they relate to others.
Use empathy to try to experience what they are talking about.
Doing this will also help you be more present in a conversation and more able to respond appropriately. , It can be easy to sit back and observe a conversation instead of actually participating in the conversation.
This is even more difficult if the group of people all know each other, and you are an outsider.
If this is the case, try to stay engaged in the conversation and make small statements such as:”Yeah, I know right.” ”That’s crazy.” ”I heard that too.” Laugh when other people laugh instead of being silent.
These small statements can also prepare you to start saying more when you feel more comfortable. , Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer.
These types of questions keep the conversation going and allow you to learn about the other person.
Most people like talking about themselves so this takes the burden off of you.For example, instead of saying, “Do you have a pet?” you say, “What type of animals do you like?” Instead of saying, “Do you have plans this weekend?” you say, “What are you looking forward to this weekend?” , When you are entering a group situation where you would like to speak more, try to get in the conversation within the first 10 minutes.
If you jump in the conversation early, you are less likely to clam up or chicken out.
You do not have to make a big contribution to the conversation either.Simply agreeing with someone or asking a question will do.
About the Author
Joseph Ross
Writer and educator with a focus on practical lifestyle knowledge.
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