How to Bring Severe Social Anxiety Under Control

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Assess the cognitive distortion.

   Often anxiety begins when a person is engaging in cognitive distortions, or distorted and unhelpful ways of thinking.
   
   Distorted thoughts are thinking errors that start in your subconscious mind and make you feel anxious.
   
   Once you realize that you are engaging in a thinking error, then it’s much easier to change your thinking pattern.
   
   Here are four unhelpful thinking errors that often make anxiety worse:
   Fortune telling is when you try to predict the future without any real evidence to support your prediction.
   
   Typically you’re assuming the worst.
   
   For example, you may think, “I know that everyone is going to laugh at me.” When you find yourself doing this, ask yourself for the evidence.
   
   Personalizing is when you believe, without any evidence, that people are negatively focused on you.
   
   For example, if you see someone talking to another person while looking in your direction, you may assume, “That person is talking about my outfit.” Mind reading is when you assume that you know what other people are thinking.
   
   For example, you may think, “She thinks I’m stupid” when you have no idea what she is really thinking.
   
   Catastrophizing is basically when you blow things out of proportion or “make a mountain out of a molehill.” You turn everything into a catastrophe when you use this thinking pattern.
   
   For example, if your friend forgets to compliment you on your performance, you might automatically think, “Oh my goodness.
   
   I did awful.
   
   Everyone probably thinks I’m completely incompetent.”
2. 2

   Step 2: Ask yourself for the evidence.

   When you think that you may be engaging in cognitive distortions, take a minute to determine if your thoughts are real or distorted.
   
   You can do this by asking yourself for the evidence.
   
   Say to yourself, "What real evidence do I have that supports this thought?" When you take this approach, it helps you identify the thinking error and allows you to think more helpful and realistic thoughts.
   
   Here are examples of asking for the evidence based on the cognitive distortions above: "What actual evidence do I have that everyone will laugh at me during my presentation?" "How do I know that she is really talking about my outfit and not about something else?" "What actual evidence do I have that she really thinks I'm stupid?" "What evidence do I have that the audience thought that I was incompetent?"
   
   Negative automatic thoughts are usually at the foundation of your anxiety.They are quick flashes of thought that enter your consciousness without you really being aware of them.
   
   Unfortunately they have often been reinforced since early childhood so you no longer even realize that they are present.
   
   They also usually contribute to your thinking errors.
   
   For example, if every time you stood up in class in elementary school to speak, a peer laughed at you, you may have internalized that people laugh at you when you speak.
   
   Your automatic thought as an adult might now be, “If I speak in public, I will be embarrassed because people will laugh at me.” When you find yourself feeling anxious, reflect on your thoughts.
   
   Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling anxious?” Take note of your response and then dig deeper by asking yourself, “What else?” For example, if you ask yourself why you are feeling anxious, you may think, “I don’t want to speak in public.” If you dig a little deeper by asking, “What else?” you may discover that the real negative thought is “I’m afraid people will laugh at me.” , Once you understand the negative thoughts that are causing you to feel anxious, now it’s time to replace them with more helpful thoughts.
   
   Ask yourself questions that will help you identify a healthier opposite thought.Using the same example from above about public speaking, here are some questions that you could ask yourself:
   Do people ALWAYS laugh at me when I speak? When was the last time someone laughed at me when I said something? Even if someone does laugh, is that the end of the world? A healthier alternative thought could be “I am going to speak to the best of my ability.
   
   The people who need the information will hear it, even if the delivery is not perfect.
   
   It doesn't have to be perfect in order for me to do a good job.” , Try to avoid listening to your internal chatter by focusing on the external world.
   
   Observe what people are doing and saying.
   
   Try to really tune into conversations so that you aren’t preoccupied with your thoughts or uneasy bodily sensations.
3. 3

   Step 3: Identify your negative automatic thoughts.

4. 4

   Step 4: Challenge and replace the negative thought.

5. 5

   Step 5: Focus on your surroundings.

Detailed Guide

About the Author