How to Come Out to Your Friends
Stop and assess the environment and your situation., Assess how you feel., If you know that your friends will not take your coming out well, do not come out to them., Once you do make sure you're in a good environment/situation to come out, do so on...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Stop and assess the environment and your situation.
Probably the biggest factor in whether you are accepted or not is the environment and/or group of friends you're coming out to.
Also make sure that you are safe should your coming out leak to people you don't want it to.
The single, most important warning you should heed is to try to delay coming out to those around you if you know your parents will react negatively (such as kicking you out of the house, acting out abusively, etc.) when you are still dependent on them.
This option may suck.
However, when you head off to college or out on your own, you will finally be able to come out without worrying too much that word will get back to your family. -
Step 2: Assess how you feel.
Are you comfortable with yourself? A little bit nervous? Scared and upset? It's best to come out to most people when you are comfortable and happy with who you are, but that isn't for everyone.
Some people want to come out (at least to their closest friends) when they are still struggling, so that they don't have to struggle alone.
If you are going to do that, it is vital to be sure they are accepting. , Instead, find new friends who will be supportive and come out to those new ones.
You do not need that flood of negativity in your life that can happen when your "friends" all react badly to your coming out, start treating you horribly, or give you the silent treatment.
Instead, it's much healthier to situate yourself in a liberal/socially open accepting group and then come out to those folks.
It might be easier to find more supportive people to begin with than deal with the fallout from a negative reaction from people you already know. , Some find that an individual basis face-to-face is best, while others decide that a public FaceBook status of "I'm trans and these are my pronouns" is better.
However you choose to do it, it should be in a way that isn't awkward or threatening.
By necessity this is an emotional topic, but you may want to keep it from being overly emotional as well.
Consider telling them in a neutral meeting place, or in one where you have the upper hand. , Coming out is, by necessity, a process that can never be planned out to the tiniest details.
What you can do is decide what your first move is going to be and how you will react to some likely reactions on the part of your friends.
Are you going to bring up the topic yourself, or wait for it to naturally arise in conversation? Will you mention it as a joke or as a passing point? , Some people will react negatively to your coming out even if they seemed promising or accepting initially.
Don't take this personally, they're probably not great people for you to be around in the first place.
If you surrounded yourself with negative or anti-gay people, you'd probably end up internalizing a number of negative messages about yourself or be prone to depression.
Focus on the positive: the friends who accept you for who you are.
Some people even have the experience that their coming out strengthens their friendships because it shows a higher level of trust.
A word of caution though––it's not a good idea to make large leaps in sharing much more intimate things about yourself.
What's important is a level of equal exchange.
If your friend doesn't tell you much personal about themselves, they'll probably react very negatively to you saying something personal about yourself. ,, Also reach out to LGBT organizations or groups if you want to be involved with that. -
Step 3: If you know that your friends will not take your coming out well
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Step 4: do not come out to them.
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Step 5: Once you do make sure you're in a good environment/situation to come out
-
Step 6: do so on your own terms.
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Step 7: Plan what you are going to do and say.
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Step 8: Don't take their reaction personally.
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Step 9: Keep in mind that you have had a long time to get used to the idea of having a sexuality or gender
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Step 10: while your friends just heard about it
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Step 11: give them time to come to terms with it as well.
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Step 12: Continue being friends with positive supportive people.
Detailed Guide
Probably the biggest factor in whether you are accepted or not is the environment and/or group of friends you're coming out to.
Also make sure that you are safe should your coming out leak to people you don't want it to.
The single, most important warning you should heed is to try to delay coming out to those around you if you know your parents will react negatively (such as kicking you out of the house, acting out abusively, etc.) when you are still dependent on them.
This option may suck.
However, when you head off to college or out on your own, you will finally be able to come out without worrying too much that word will get back to your family.
Are you comfortable with yourself? A little bit nervous? Scared and upset? It's best to come out to most people when you are comfortable and happy with who you are, but that isn't for everyone.
Some people want to come out (at least to their closest friends) when they are still struggling, so that they don't have to struggle alone.
If you are going to do that, it is vital to be sure they are accepting. , Instead, find new friends who will be supportive and come out to those new ones.
You do not need that flood of negativity in your life that can happen when your "friends" all react badly to your coming out, start treating you horribly, or give you the silent treatment.
Instead, it's much healthier to situate yourself in a liberal/socially open accepting group and then come out to those folks.
It might be easier to find more supportive people to begin with than deal with the fallout from a negative reaction from people you already know. , Some find that an individual basis face-to-face is best, while others decide that a public FaceBook status of "I'm trans and these are my pronouns" is better.
However you choose to do it, it should be in a way that isn't awkward or threatening.
By necessity this is an emotional topic, but you may want to keep it from being overly emotional as well.
Consider telling them in a neutral meeting place, or in one where you have the upper hand. , Coming out is, by necessity, a process that can never be planned out to the tiniest details.
What you can do is decide what your first move is going to be and how you will react to some likely reactions on the part of your friends.
Are you going to bring up the topic yourself, or wait for it to naturally arise in conversation? Will you mention it as a joke or as a passing point? , Some people will react negatively to your coming out even if they seemed promising or accepting initially.
Don't take this personally, they're probably not great people for you to be around in the first place.
If you surrounded yourself with negative or anti-gay people, you'd probably end up internalizing a number of negative messages about yourself or be prone to depression.
Focus on the positive: the friends who accept you for who you are.
Some people even have the experience that their coming out strengthens their friendships because it shows a higher level of trust.
A word of caution though––it's not a good idea to make large leaps in sharing much more intimate things about yourself.
What's important is a level of equal exchange.
If your friend doesn't tell you much personal about themselves, they'll probably react very negatively to you saying something personal about yourself. ,, Also reach out to LGBT organizations or groups if you want to be involved with that.
About the Author
Aaron Perez
Aaron Perez specializes in lifestyle and practical guides and has been creating helpful content for over 5 years. Aaron is committed to helping readers learn new skills and improve their lives.
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