How to Deal when You Are Jealous of Your Friend
Identify the reasons for your envy., Practice what works., Change your thinking., Practice gratitude., Focus on caring for others., Accept how things are.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Identify the reasons for your envy.
Envy is when you want something that someone else has.
Understanding what you are envious of and why can help you better deal with your feelings.
Think about what influences your desire.
Are you envious of her hair or her car? Why are you envious of it? Realize that the reason you are envious of a friend might be because you like something that she has (such as a characteristic or material item). -
Step 2: Practice what works.
Once you know what makes you envious, try to think of what would make you feel better.This may be different for each person.
For example, if you like someone's hair color, you could try dying your hair too.
Just make sure you aren’t completely copying the person and that you make it your own unique style.
If it helps to let it go, then do so.
This might mean that you remind yourself of all of the positive items and traits you have instead of focusing on what you don't have.
Continue to try other techniques to cope with your envy.
Distancing yourself from the person, focusing on your own responsibilities, or setting positive goals are good examples of helpful coping skills.
Read on to identify new ways to cope. , Understand that just because something looks good on someone else doesn't mean it'll look good on you.
You may like someone's haircut, but the style might look wrong depending on your face type.
Find something that works for you and nobody else! Keep a record of your envious thoughts.Come up with reasons why having what that person has will not be good for you.For example, perhaps having the car you want will lead you to driving dangerously or even feeling superior to others.
Realize that a keeping up with the Jones’ mentality, or trying to be like your friends or neighbors, will get you nowhere.
Unfortunately, someone will always have something better than you, whether it's a better car, home, or a better phone.
Accept this as reality and you might not be as focused on trying to gain what others have, which can lessen your jealousy. , If you are grateful for what you already have, this thought goes against the feeling of envy.
Being grateful can protect against envy and increase positive feelings.You may be less envious if you believe that you already have everything you need.
Be thankful for the things you have, material or otherwise.
Focus on the ways you are privileged.
For example, the country you grew up in can have a large influence on your way of life.
Make a list of everything you are thankful for such as: family, friends, a roof over your head, medical treatment, and anything else you can think of.
Try making a gratitude journal or creating one online. , Envy can lead to selfishness, so pay attention to how others are struggling instead of on thinking about yourself and what you are lacking.
For example, some parts of the world do not have clean running water, enough food, or the internet.
Helping others in need can help reduce your envy and increase positive mood.
Volunteer at a non-profit organization, donate to a good cause, or give food to the needy. , Let go of what you can’t change.
This can help you deal with feeling envy and can increase your overall mental health functioning.If all else fails, try to get over it.
Accept things as they currently are, whether or not they are how you want them to be.
Learn to let things go.
If it helps, try visualization.
For example, close your eyes and visualize that you are next to a stream with leaves falling and flowing through the water.
Place things you want to change (or do not accept) on leaves and watch them float away down the stream.
This can help increase your ability to let go of things you can't change.
To increase acceptance you can do a writing exercise to focus on acceptance.
For example, you could make a list (either written or in your head) of the things that you think could be better in your life.
Instead of focusing on how you can change them, think about how you can accept them.
Say to yourself, "I accept this part of my life.
It is fine for the moment and I can deal with it." This act of proclaiming your acceptance can help you learn to appreciate what you have. -
Step 3: Change your thinking.
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Step 4: Practice gratitude.
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Step 5: Focus on caring for others.
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Step 6: Accept how things are.
Detailed Guide
Envy is when you want something that someone else has.
Understanding what you are envious of and why can help you better deal with your feelings.
Think about what influences your desire.
Are you envious of her hair or her car? Why are you envious of it? Realize that the reason you are envious of a friend might be because you like something that she has (such as a characteristic or material item).
Once you know what makes you envious, try to think of what would make you feel better.This may be different for each person.
For example, if you like someone's hair color, you could try dying your hair too.
Just make sure you aren’t completely copying the person and that you make it your own unique style.
If it helps to let it go, then do so.
This might mean that you remind yourself of all of the positive items and traits you have instead of focusing on what you don't have.
Continue to try other techniques to cope with your envy.
Distancing yourself from the person, focusing on your own responsibilities, or setting positive goals are good examples of helpful coping skills.
Read on to identify new ways to cope. , Understand that just because something looks good on someone else doesn't mean it'll look good on you.
You may like someone's haircut, but the style might look wrong depending on your face type.
Find something that works for you and nobody else! Keep a record of your envious thoughts.Come up with reasons why having what that person has will not be good for you.For example, perhaps having the car you want will lead you to driving dangerously or even feeling superior to others.
Realize that a keeping up with the Jones’ mentality, or trying to be like your friends or neighbors, will get you nowhere.
Unfortunately, someone will always have something better than you, whether it's a better car, home, or a better phone.
Accept this as reality and you might not be as focused on trying to gain what others have, which can lessen your jealousy. , If you are grateful for what you already have, this thought goes against the feeling of envy.
Being grateful can protect against envy and increase positive feelings.You may be less envious if you believe that you already have everything you need.
Be thankful for the things you have, material or otherwise.
Focus on the ways you are privileged.
For example, the country you grew up in can have a large influence on your way of life.
Make a list of everything you are thankful for such as: family, friends, a roof over your head, medical treatment, and anything else you can think of.
Try making a gratitude journal or creating one online. , Envy can lead to selfishness, so pay attention to how others are struggling instead of on thinking about yourself and what you are lacking.
For example, some parts of the world do not have clean running water, enough food, or the internet.
Helping others in need can help reduce your envy and increase positive mood.
Volunteer at a non-profit organization, donate to a good cause, or give food to the needy. , Let go of what you can’t change.
This can help you deal with feeling envy and can increase your overall mental health functioning.If all else fails, try to get over it.
Accept things as they currently are, whether or not they are how you want them to be.
Learn to let things go.
If it helps, try visualization.
For example, close your eyes and visualize that you are next to a stream with leaves falling and flowing through the water.
Place things you want to change (or do not accept) on leaves and watch them float away down the stream.
This can help increase your ability to let go of things you can't change.
To increase acceptance you can do a writing exercise to focus on acceptance.
For example, you could make a list (either written or in your head) of the things that you think could be better in your life.
Instead of focusing on how you can change them, think about how you can accept them.
Say to yourself, "I accept this part of my life.
It is fine for the moment and I can deal with it." This act of proclaiming your acceptance can help you learn to appreciate what you have.
About the Author
Ronald Sullivan
A passionate writer with expertise in creative arts topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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