How to Deal With a Friend Who Constantly Blows You Off
Modify your expectations., Prepare a “Plan B.” One of the biggest sources of frustration in dealing with a flaky friend is the fact that you’re always getting “stuck”: stuck waiting at the restaurant, stuck without a ride home, stuck not knowing if...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Modify your expectations.
If you’re tired of always being late to the movies, having plans fall through, or being stuck at a party alone, you need to make a change.
Sometimes, though, the easiest way to make this change is by adjusting your own perspective.Even in the best case scenario, you’re never going to completely change your friend’s flaky ways.
So you’re going to have to make some modifications on your part whether you confront your friend or not (assuming you have no desire to end the friendship).
Consider, for instance, whether you are making too big a deal out of at least some of the instances of being “blown off.” Is it really that big a deal to miss some of the half-hour of previews before movies? Did you have a good time at the party anyway? Did you make good use of your unexpectedly-free Saturday afternoon?This isn’t to say that your frustrations about your friend’s unreliability can’t be completely justified.
It does mean that preparing for this disappointment and looking for “silver linings” when plans go awry may be part of the “cost of doing business” with this friend. -
Step 2: Prepare a “Plan B.” One of the biggest sources of frustration in dealing with a flaky friend is the fact that you’re always getting “stuck”: stuck waiting at the restaurant
By always establishing a backup plan in advance of dealing with this friend, you can help minimize your frustration.Avoid making plans that hinge on the unreliable person showing up on time or making the key arrangements.
Always let someone more reliable be the driver or the organizer.
Envision the plan with or without your flaky friend’s involvement and make sure it works out either way.
Don’t let yourself get stuck alone waiting for a ride from your unreliable friend.
Have a backup “lift” in mind at all times, and try to ensure that you can at least wait around with some other friends.
While you’re waiting (and waiting) to be picked up by your flaky friend, keep working on something useful — homework, cleaning, exercise, etc.
Sitting there doing nothing and stewing over being late yet again will not do you any good. , If your friend is consistently unreliable, your first instinct may be to think she doesn’t care about you or has better things to do that spend time with you.
By taking the time to consider why she may have this problem with reliability, you might find being blown off by her less grating, or perhaps have a bit more compassion for her efforts.It is true that some people are simply fickle, unreliable, or indecisive by nature.
Sometimes people “flake” with regularity because they say “yes” when they are not truly interested in or capable of following through, due to an innate fear of confrontation or rejection.
Others may have every intention of following through, but are sabotaged by social anxiety — that is, they would rather not show up than to mess up.
Whether caused by nature or nurture (or both), some people simply have bad time management and organizational skills.
Working on improving those skills may help address the problem of unreliability.
Your friend may come from a family or community where notions about what it means to be “on time” or to “follow through” on a plan differ from yours.
They may see “meet me at 7” or “let’s do lunch tomorrow” as more of a general suggestion than an appointment. , Basically, you want to walk the fine line between being accommodating and understanding and being an enabler.
There’s only so much change you can make on your part, and at some point your unreliable friend is going to have to accept some responsibility for making changes as well.While it may be comforting to think that you can deal with an unreliable friend without having to raise the awkward topic with her, in the end the solution to the problem — and the larger relationship — needs to be a two-way street. -
Step 3: stuck without a ride home
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Step 4: stuck not knowing if the ski trip is really going to happen or not.
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Step 5: Try to understand the problem.
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Step 6: Don’t “bend over backwards.” When it comes to unreliable friends
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Step 7: sometimes the truth is as simple as this: “People are flaky because they can be.”That is
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Step 8: your friend may keep blowing you off because she experiences no consequences for doing so
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Step 9: and thus senses no reason to change.
Detailed Guide
If you’re tired of always being late to the movies, having plans fall through, or being stuck at a party alone, you need to make a change.
Sometimes, though, the easiest way to make this change is by adjusting your own perspective.Even in the best case scenario, you’re never going to completely change your friend’s flaky ways.
So you’re going to have to make some modifications on your part whether you confront your friend or not (assuming you have no desire to end the friendship).
Consider, for instance, whether you are making too big a deal out of at least some of the instances of being “blown off.” Is it really that big a deal to miss some of the half-hour of previews before movies? Did you have a good time at the party anyway? Did you make good use of your unexpectedly-free Saturday afternoon?This isn’t to say that your frustrations about your friend’s unreliability can’t be completely justified.
It does mean that preparing for this disappointment and looking for “silver linings” when plans go awry may be part of the “cost of doing business” with this friend.
By always establishing a backup plan in advance of dealing with this friend, you can help minimize your frustration.Avoid making plans that hinge on the unreliable person showing up on time or making the key arrangements.
Always let someone more reliable be the driver or the organizer.
Envision the plan with or without your flaky friend’s involvement and make sure it works out either way.
Don’t let yourself get stuck alone waiting for a ride from your unreliable friend.
Have a backup “lift” in mind at all times, and try to ensure that you can at least wait around with some other friends.
While you’re waiting (and waiting) to be picked up by your flaky friend, keep working on something useful — homework, cleaning, exercise, etc.
Sitting there doing nothing and stewing over being late yet again will not do you any good. , If your friend is consistently unreliable, your first instinct may be to think she doesn’t care about you or has better things to do that spend time with you.
By taking the time to consider why she may have this problem with reliability, you might find being blown off by her less grating, or perhaps have a bit more compassion for her efforts.It is true that some people are simply fickle, unreliable, or indecisive by nature.
Sometimes people “flake” with regularity because they say “yes” when they are not truly interested in or capable of following through, due to an innate fear of confrontation or rejection.
Others may have every intention of following through, but are sabotaged by social anxiety — that is, they would rather not show up than to mess up.
Whether caused by nature or nurture (or both), some people simply have bad time management and organizational skills.
Working on improving those skills may help address the problem of unreliability.
Your friend may come from a family or community where notions about what it means to be “on time” or to “follow through” on a plan differ from yours.
They may see “meet me at 7” or “let’s do lunch tomorrow” as more of a general suggestion than an appointment. , Basically, you want to walk the fine line between being accommodating and understanding and being an enabler.
There’s only so much change you can make on your part, and at some point your unreliable friend is going to have to accept some responsibility for making changes as well.While it may be comforting to think that you can deal with an unreliable friend without having to raise the awkward topic with her, in the end the solution to the problem — and the larger relationship — needs to be a two-way street.
About the Author
Douglas Hayes
Experienced content creator specializing in crafts guides and tutorials.
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