How to Deal With a Friend Who Invites Others to Come Along Without Telling You
Explain that the venue can only accommodate the previously agreed upon number of people., Ask your friend before making plans if he/she will be bringing others to the venue., Tell your friend how his/her behavior impacts the evening., Reconsider...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Explain that the venue can only accommodate the previously agreed upon number of people.
Although some restaurants or parties can find a few extra chairs for guests, make it seem as though where you are going cannot accommodate more folks.
Tell your friend that everyone agreed upon the guest list when you made the reservation.
The list was set in stone days or weeks prior and bringing more people is not possible.
Remind your friend that if you would have known beforehand you could have accommodated more people, however your hands are tied at this point.
Explain to your friend that if the situation were different and you were going to a house party or the movies, perhaps everyone could join you, however these plans will only allow the previously agreed upon guests. -
Step 2: Ask your friend before making plans if he/she will be bringing others to the venue.
Make a preemptive strike by remembering that this pal likes to add a few more people to your gatherings and ask in advance.
Remind him/her that whenever you get together and/or make plans, the guest list always seems to change.
Perhaps your friend isn’t fully aware of his/her behavior.
Remind your pal that this is something that has been done in the past and instead of being surprised, you are asking up front if others will be coming along so you can accommodate extras and be prepared.
If your friend shows up with a few extra party-goers, but told you ahead of time that he/she would not be bringing more people, tell your friend that the extra people are not going to be able to attend and that you asked him/her ahead of time.
While this may put you in an awkward position, remind your friend that you did open the door for more guests but he/she said no one else was coming.
You did your part, but he/she did not.
If time permits, ask your friend right before the event if he/she is going to bring an additional person.
If you’ve asked days/weeks before and your friend said he/she is flying solo, try one last time immediately before you are meeting or going to the party to provide an extra opportunity for your friend to add a “plus one (or more).” , From having to accommodate more people to the simple rudeness of not bothering to tell you, make sure you pal understands how his/her behavior makes the evening awkward.
If you don’t like the people your friend typically brings, let it be known.
Your friend may not realize that you and his/her friend(s) don’t mix well, which may help him/her make a better decision in the future.
Let your friend know that you wanted to keep the evening or encounter exclusive to the set list of friends.
Perhaps it is your birthday and you only wanted to see faces you knew in the crowd instead of strangers that your friend decided to bring along.
Try to explain the situation from your perspective in order to get your friend to see the light.
Make your buddy understand that showing up with extra people puts everyone in an awkward situation.
From the party host to the group dynamic, sometimes people would like to know who they are spending the day or evening with instead of being surprised.
Plus adding guests at the last minute puts the venue or restaurant in a bad position trying to accommodate extra people on the fly. , Perhaps you can overlook one or two times, however if you detect a pattern it may be time to re-think your level of friendship.
Don't invite your friend ahead of time to events.
Instead let him/her know at the very last minute.
If your friend can attend, great.
If not, at least you don’t have to worry about the entourage.
Only invite your friends to large parties or events where it won’t matter if he/she brings more people.
Avoid an awkward situation where you have to be the one accommodating extra folks and only extend an invite to an event where the number of attendees won’t matter.
Stop doing things socially with this friend, especially if he/she shows up with people you don’t like.
The situation may become more sour if you are constantly confronted with people you do not like.
Tell your friend that you see him/her going in a bad direction with the “influence” around him/her and then back away.
Hopefully your friend will realize that the group he/she is associating with is bad news and drop them. -
Step 3: Tell your friend how his/her behavior impacts the evening.
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Step 4: Reconsider your friendship if your buddy consistently brings extra people to events without telling you.
Detailed Guide
Although some restaurants or parties can find a few extra chairs for guests, make it seem as though where you are going cannot accommodate more folks.
Tell your friend that everyone agreed upon the guest list when you made the reservation.
The list was set in stone days or weeks prior and bringing more people is not possible.
Remind your friend that if you would have known beforehand you could have accommodated more people, however your hands are tied at this point.
Explain to your friend that if the situation were different and you were going to a house party or the movies, perhaps everyone could join you, however these plans will only allow the previously agreed upon guests.
Make a preemptive strike by remembering that this pal likes to add a few more people to your gatherings and ask in advance.
Remind him/her that whenever you get together and/or make plans, the guest list always seems to change.
Perhaps your friend isn’t fully aware of his/her behavior.
Remind your pal that this is something that has been done in the past and instead of being surprised, you are asking up front if others will be coming along so you can accommodate extras and be prepared.
If your friend shows up with a few extra party-goers, but told you ahead of time that he/she would not be bringing more people, tell your friend that the extra people are not going to be able to attend and that you asked him/her ahead of time.
While this may put you in an awkward position, remind your friend that you did open the door for more guests but he/she said no one else was coming.
You did your part, but he/she did not.
If time permits, ask your friend right before the event if he/she is going to bring an additional person.
If you’ve asked days/weeks before and your friend said he/she is flying solo, try one last time immediately before you are meeting or going to the party to provide an extra opportunity for your friend to add a “plus one (or more).” , From having to accommodate more people to the simple rudeness of not bothering to tell you, make sure you pal understands how his/her behavior makes the evening awkward.
If you don’t like the people your friend typically brings, let it be known.
Your friend may not realize that you and his/her friend(s) don’t mix well, which may help him/her make a better decision in the future.
Let your friend know that you wanted to keep the evening or encounter exclusive to the set list of friends.
Perhaps it is your birthday and you only wanted to see faces you knew in the crowd instead of strangers that your friend decided to bring along.
Try to explain the situation from your perspective in order to get your friend to see the light.
Make your buddy understand that showing up with extra people puts everyone in an awkward situation.
From the party host to the group dynamic, sometimes people would like to know who they are spending the day or evening with instead of being surprised.
Plus adding guests at the last minute puts the venue or restaurant in a bad position trying to accommodate extra people on the fly. , Perhaps you can overlook one or two times, however if you detect a pattern it may be time to re-think your level of friendship.
Don't invite your friend ahead of time to events.
Instead let him/her know at the very last minute.
If your friend can attend, great.
If not, at least you don’t have to worry about the entourage.
Only invite your friends to large parties or events where it won’t matter if he/she brings more people.
Avoid an awkward situation where you have to be the one accommodating extra folks and only extend an invite to an event where the number of attendees won’t matter.
Stop doing things socially with this friend, especially if he/she shows up with people you don’t like.
The situation may become more sour if you are constantly confronted with people you do not like.
Tell your friend that you see him/her going in a bad direction with the “influence” around him/her and then back away.
Hopefully your friend will realize that the group he/she is associating with is bad news and drop them.
About the Author
Sarah Cole
Committed to making pet care accessible and understandable for everyone.
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