How to Deal With a Friend Who's Become an Enemy
Pay attention to their opinions., Consider what they say when you’re gone., Notice if/when they stand up for you., Talk to the person., Consider the permanence of the split.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Pay attention to their opinions.
Friends will often share their opinions on a host of things, from your clothes to your significant other.
These opinions come from a genuine interest in your life, whether it’s good or bad.
If your friend offers you constructive criticism that has a positive intent, that is acceptable.
If they consistently bring you down with negative and overly critical opinions about you and your life, then it might be time to have a conversation with them about where the friendship is going wrong.A friend offering constructive criticism might pull you to the side and say something like “Have you noticed that the shoes you are wearing have a hole in them? You might want to put on something else before we go out.” Someone who is being overly critical may address the same situation by calling you out in front of everyone and saying something like “Seriously? You are wearing shoes with holes in them.
Don’t you have a better pair?” -
Step 2: Consider what they say when you’re gone.
People discuss other people all the time.
Doing so is not inherently bad, but when someone takes the opportunity to paint an absent person in a negative light, that’s not a good sign.
If one of your friends is talking about you in a bad way, you will probably hear about it from other people.
What they have to say about you when you aren’t around is a fair reflection of what they think about you overall.
Knowing what they think about you can help you salvage the friendship if you are interested in doing so, but it will require cooperation on both ends.Do not overreact to a friend making a lighthearted joke or stating something that is true.
For example, say you aren’t on time for a get together and one of your friends says something like, “I’m not surprised.
They probably lost the car keys.” This isn’t something to be offended by (especially if you commonly lose your car keys).
Personal and demeaning comments rarely, if ever, fall into the lighthearted joke category.
Take the same example of being late for an outing and imagine one of your friends says something behind your back like, “I can’t stand them.
All they do is complain about how bad their life is and bring everyone around them down.
I hope they don’t show up at all tonight.” In this case, this person is likely not a friend anymore. , Friends advocate for one another.
This means that a real friend will support you when you need it whether it is in public or private.
If you notice a friend sticking up for you or helping you out, they are likely a genuine friend.
This can be a good sign that they are interested in repairing the relationship, even it if it is currently on the rocks.For example, if someone says something rude to you and your friend diffuses the situation by saying something like, “That’s not necessary.
Let’s all be mature,” then they are taking up for you.
If your friend joins in and says something unkind to you, they might not be as good of a friend as you thought. , If your friend has flipped sides and become your enemy, there must be some reason.
Have a conversation with them and see exactly why the animosity has developed in your relationship.
Be direct and clear with your old friend, especially if you want to be friends again.
For example, you could say something like “I’ve noticed that we don’t get along as well as we used to.
It seems like you aren’t very fond of me anymore.
Is there a reason?” This conversation might be best had alone. , Once you deem a friend lost and an enemy gained, you have to decide whether this is what you want.
If you want to rekindle the friendship, you will need to cooperate with the other person and create active steps.
If you aren’t interested in rebuilding the friendship, then the two of you will most likely remain enemies.
You could take active steps like having breakfast together once a week to reunite.
Before deciding that the friendship isn’t worth fixing, you might want to consider things like mutual friends involved.
You might spend a lot of time around this person whether you want to be friends or not.
In this case, it might be best to at least be on speaking terms. -
Step 3: Notice if/when they stand up for you.
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Step 4: Talk to the person.
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Step 5: Consider the permanence of the split.
Detailed Guide
Friends will often share their opinions on a host of things, from your clothes to your significant other.
These opinions come from a genuine interest in your life, whether it’s good or bad.
If your friend offers you constructive criticism that has a positive intent, that is acceptable.
If they consistently bring you down with negative and overly critical opinions about you and your life, then it might be time to have a conversation with them about where the friendship is going wrong.A friend offering constructive criticism might pull you to the side and say something like “Have you noticed that the shoes you are wearing have a hole in them? You might want to put on something else before we go out.” Someone who is being overly critical may address the same situation by calling you out in front of everyone and saying something like “Seriously? You are wearing shoes with holes in them.
Don’t you have a better pair?”
People discuss other people all the time.
Doing so is not inherently bad, but when someone takes the opportunity to paint an absent person in a negative light, that’s not a good sign.
If one of your friends is talking about you in a bad way, you will probably hear about it from other people.
What they have to say about you when you aren’t around is a fair reflection of what they think about you overall.
Knowing what they think about you can help you salvage the friendship if you are interested in doing so, but it will require cooperation on both ends.Do not overreact to a friend making a lighthearted joke or stating something that is true.
For example, say you aren’t on time for a get together and one of your friends says something like, “I’m not surprised.
They probably lost the car keys.” This isn’t something to be offended by (especially if you commonly lose your car keys).
Personal and demeaning comments rarely, if ever, fall into the lighthearted joke category.
Take the same example of being late for an outing and imagine one of your friends says something behind your back like, “I can’t stand them.
All they do is complain about how bad their life is and bring everyone around them down.
I hope they don’t show up at all tonight.” In this case, this person is likely not a friend anymore. , Friends advocate for one another.
This means that a real friend will support you when you need it whether it is in public or private.
If you notice a friend sticking up for you or helping you out, they are likely a genuine friend.
This can be a good sign that they are interested in repairing the relationship, even it if it is currently on the rocks.For example, if someone says something rude to you and your friend diffuses the situation by saying something like, “That’s not necessary.
Let’s all be mature,” then they are taking up for you.
If your friend joins in and says something unkind to you, they might not be as good of a friend as you thought. , If your friend has flipped sides and become your enemy, there must be some reason.
Have a conversation with them and see exactly why the animosity has developed in your relationship.
Be direct and clear with your old friend, especially if you want to be friends again.
For example, you could say something like “I’ve noticed that we don’t get along as well as we used to.
It seems like you aren’t very fond of me anymore.
Is there a reason?” This conversation might be best had alone. , Once you deem a friend lost and an enemy gained, you have to decide whether this is what you want.
If you want to rekindle the friendship, you will need to cooperate with the other person and create active steps.
If you aren’t interested in rebuilding the friendship, then the two of you will most likely remain enemies.
You could take active steps like having breakfast together once a week to reunite.
Before deciding that the friendship isn’t worth fixing, you might want to consider things like mutual friends involved.
You might spend a lot of time around this person whether you want to be friends or not.
In this case, it might be best to at least be on speaking terms.
About the Author
Kathleen Wilson
Writer and educator with a focus on practical home improvement knowledge.
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