How to Deal With a Manipulative Friend
Determine if your friend is being manipulative., Look out for the warning signs., Think about whether you really like them, or whether you just feel guilty if you don't spend time with them., Confide in other friends., Confront your manipulative...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Determine if your friend is being manipulative.
The signs are very easy to spot, but most victims don't believe they're being manipulated and instead think they have the problem.
The goals of the manipulator are fairly simple: they like power, control, attention and sympathy.
Generally, manipulators are not stable and secure people. -
Step 2: Look out for the warning signs.
These can vary a lot, but generally these are some good indicators:
They control your life as much as possible, especially your friends.
They'll find any reason to not like your friends. "She's weird"
"She makes you act different"
"She's rude"
and if it's not one of those then you better believe they can find another reason.
If that's not enough to lure you away from your friends, depending on their limits the luring could get worse.
They will do things such as give you money or advice, even just once in a while, but will forever hold it against you. "Oh, you borrowed a ton of money from me so the least you can do is buy me this!" They constantly start minor arguments with you and then accuse you of being nasty to them.
They tell minor, but constant lies, but will claim to be real and say that they never lie.
They are tolerable in person, but are often vicious and abusive through emails and Facebook.
They accuse you of insulting them and offending them, and will tell you you're sounding a bit 'moody' or 'bitchy' to them.
They say that you have a problem, often that you're a nasty person who gets on people's nerves.
They will make subtle threats, such as 'You need to start being nicer to me, because I don't have to put up with you' or 'I'm always trying to convince everybody that you're actually a nice person, you could at least put some effort in'.
They try to convince you that everybody around you hates you except them. , If they constantly tell you that they don't like you, but still remain friends with you, you have to think about their motives. , People the manipulator doesn't know are best, as they won't hear her spin on the story. , This is often the hardest part, as they will fight tooth and claw to humiliate you, to make you feel sad, lonely and guilty, and to convince you that you have the problem, not them.
The key is to remember that you're the victim, and that this isn't friendship, it's abuse. , They may often resort to childish or hurtful tactics, such as turning all your friends against you, or spreading rumours about you.
Ignore them, refuse to talk about them, make new friends and generally try to avoid all contact with them, so that you are never exposed to their mind games. , Often, there will be other people that they have repeated the cycle with, and that will make you feel slightly less alone. , This final step is necessary for getting your confidence back and moving on with your life.
Most likely your former friend will try to find ways of getting you back into their life.
Just distance yourself from them, and think of how much better you are without them. -
Step 3: Think about whether you really like them
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Step 4: or whether you just feel guilty if you don't spend time with them.
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Step 5: Confide in other friends.
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Step 6: Confront your manipulative friend.
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Step 7: If they are abusive to you
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Step 8: or fail to admit they have a problem
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Step 9: cut them off.
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Step 10: Look for past victims.
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Step 11: Forget.
Detailed Guide
The signs are very easy to spot, but most victims don't believe they're being manipulated and instead think they have the problem.
The goals of the manipulator are fairly simple: they like power, control, attention and sympathy.
Generally, manipulators are not stable and secure people.
These can vary a lot, but generally these are some good indicators:
They control your life as much as possible, especially your friends.
They'll find any reason to not like your friends. "She's weird"
"She makes you act different"
"She's rude"
and if it's not one of those then you better believe they can find another reason.
If that's not enough to lure you away from your friends, depending on their limits the luring could get worse.
They will do things such as give you money or advice, even just once in a while, but will forever hold it against you. "Oh, you borrowed a ton of money from me so the least you can do is buy me this!" They constantly start minor arguments with you and then accuse you of being nasty to them.
They tell minor, but constant lies, but will claim to be real and say that they never lie.
They are tolerable in person, but are often vicious and abusive through emails and Facebook.
They accuse you of insulting them and offending them, and will tell you you're sounding a bit 'moody' or 'bitchy' to them.
They say that you have a problem, often that you're a nasty person who gets on people's nerves.
They will make subtle threats, such as 'You need to start being nicer to me, because I don't have to put up with you' or 'I'm always trying to convince everybody that you're actually a nice person, you could at least put some effort in'.
They try to convince you that everybody around you hates you except them. , If they constantly tell you that they don't like you, but still remain friends with you, you have to think about their motives. , People the manipulator doesn't know are best, as they won't hear her spin on the story. , This is often the hardest part, as they will fight tooth and claw to humiliate you, to make you feel sad, lonely and guilty, and to convince you that you have the problem, not them.
The key is to remember that you're the victim, and that this isn't friendship, it's abuse. , They may often resort to childish or hurtful tactics, such as turning all your friends against you, or spreading rumours about you.
Ignore them, refuse to talk about them, make new friends and generally try to avoid all contact with them, so that you are never exposed to their mind games. , Often, there will be other people that they have repeated the cycle with, and that will make you feel slightly less alone. , This final step is necessary for getting your confidence back and moving on with your life.
Most likely your former friend will try to find ways of getting you back into their life.
Just distance yourself from them, and think of how much better you are without them.
About the Author
Brian Flores
Brian Flores has dedicated 1 years to mastering lifestyle and practical guides. As a content creator, Brian focuses on providing actionable tips and step-by-step guides.
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