How to Deal with Good Friends Getting Mad at You
Think about why your friend is mad at you., Apologize., If the thing you did was pretty big, consider going an extra mile to apologize., Give them some space., Never be mean to your friend., Never tolerate friends being nasty to you for a long...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Think about why your friend is mad at you.
What did you do that triggered the fight? What made your friend feel so upset? If you were in your friend's shoes, how would you have reacted? Consider telling one of your parents about what happened, and asking them for an opinion.
If you're not sure why your friend is so upset, ask them.
Ask in person, or send a note along the lines of "I'm really sorry that I made you upset.
I'm not sure exactly what I did that hurt you, but I feel bad about it and I want to make it up to you.
Please let me know what I did wrong." -
Step 2: Apologize.
Instead of feeling guilty and having it fermenting inside of you it's best to come clean, accept that you did wrong, and apologize.
Say to your friend that you want to talk to them and do it in private.
Say, "I'm sorry that I (what you did wrong).
I did it because (I didn't know it would hurt you/I was tired and not thinking/I was being a jerk/etc.) I am deeply sorry and I hope that you will forgive me." If your friend forgives you, then the two of you can move on.
If not, then don't panic or get angry.
The fight is putting stress on your friend too, and they need time to deal with their feelings before they can move on. , Try baking cookies, giving them a cake with "I'm sorry" written on it, buying them a CD or small thing they'd like, writing a letter, or using another creative technique. , The last thing that your friend wants is to have you pressuring them to forgive you, or you following them around saying sorry.
Just give them some space.
Wait a little, and then walk up to them and say "hi" or ask if the two of you can talk.
Don't wait for days or weeks for your friend to make the first move.
If your friend is shy, or feels guilty about what happened, they may be afraid to make the first move.
This could prolong the waiting time and you could start to drift apart.
Offer communication, but don't pressure them.
When you enter the same room, look at them and smile or say hi, to let them know that you see them and are open to talking to them.
If they are ready to talk to you, they'll take the bait.
If your friend keeps ignoring your communication offers for weeks or months, that means your they have probably decided to move on.
If this happens, it's best to get on with your life and make some new friends. , If you have done something wrong, you should be mature about it.
When your friend confronts you, they have every right to do so.
Instead of arguing, admit to them that you made a big mistake, it was your fault, and you're sorry.
This will show that you're a mature and conscientious person who cares about them.
If it was partially your friend's fault, hearing your apology will encourage them to think about what happened, and they might apologize too. , If you are being kind to them, but they keep being upset with you, this might be more than a spat between friends.
Tell a parent, teacher, or counselor if...
It seems almost impossible to please your friend—it's like they get mad at you no matter what You're constantly apologizing You often feel sad, angry at yourself, insecure, anxious, or weepy after hanging out with them Your friend gets mad at you for expressing your opinions or trying to have some input on decisions. (Note: this doesn't include opinions that disrespect others' existence, such as racist or ableist remarks) You often feel nervous before hanging out with them You're particularly at risk for abuse: you've been abused in the past, you're autistic or intellectually/developmentally disabled.
Your friend has threatened or physically hurt you This is bullying and should not be tolerated. , The teacher may be able to help sort out the argument, or find a mediator who can.
Remember that this wasn't easy for your friend, and that you value your friendship.
Not being angry with them is a very strong and mature thing to do and if you manage it, you should be proud of yourself.
If what you did was so bad that you'll be punished, then do your best to accept it with grace.
These are the consequences of your behavior, and you can choose to learn from it.
If you need to, give yourself some space from them until you're sure that you can stop being mad at them. , If you feel that your friendship cannot be mended, then maybe it's time to leave your friend behind.
If you feel that your friendship is worth saving, and can be saved, then persevere.
Either you or your friend have to make this decision, and if you feel that it's time, then it's best to sit down and talk about it then to let your friendship drift away or to have more arguments.
Have a final talk and then draw a line under it.
Don't just not talk to each other ever again, just become acquaintances and go your separate ways.
Maybe your friendship can be rekindled in the future. , You have done something wrong but it's not the end of the world.
As long as you accept it, apologize sincerely, and treat your friend well, your friend should forgive you.
In time, things will be okay again. -
Step 3: If the thing you did was pretty big
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Step 4: consider going an extra mile to apologize.
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Step 5: Give them some space.
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Step 6: Never be mean to your friend.
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Step 7: Never tolerate friends being nasty to you for a long period of time.
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Step 8: Don't be angry if they go to a teacher.
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Step 9: Decide whether it is time to break the friendship.
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Step 10: Finally
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Step 11: don't let this put you down.
Detailed Guide
What did you do that triggered the fight? What made your friend feel so upset? If you were in your friend's shoes, how would you have reacted? Consider telling one of your parents about what happened, and asking them for an opinion.
If you're not sure why your friend is so upset, ask them.
Ask in person, or send a note along the lines of "I'm really sorry that I made you upset.
I'm not sure exactly what I did that hurt you, but I feel bad about it and I want to make it up to you.
Please let me know what I did wrong."
Instead of feeling guilty and having it fermenting inside of you it's best to come clean, accept that you did wrong, and apologize.
Say to your friend that you want to talk to them and do it in private.
Say, "I'm sorry that I (what you did wrong).
I did it because (I didn't know it would hurt you/I was tired and not thinking/I was being a jerk/etc.) I am deeply sorry and I hope that you will forgive me." If your friend forgives you, then the two of you can move on.
If not, then don't panic or get angry.
The fight is putting stress on your friend too, and they need time to deal with their feelings before they can move on. , Try baking cookies, giving them a cake with "I'm sorry" written on it, buying them a CD or small thing they'd like, writing a letter, or using another creative technique. , The last thing that your friend wants is to have you pressuring them to forgive you, or you following them around saying sorry.
Just give them some space.
Wait a little, and then walk up to them and say "hi" or ask if the two of you can talk.
Don't wait for days or weeks for your friend to make the first move.
If your friend is shy, or feels guilty about what happened, they may be afraid to make the first move.
This could prolong the waiting time and you could start to drift apart.
Offer communication, but don't pressure them.
When you enter the same room, look at them and smile or say hi, to let them know that you see them and are open to talking to them.
If they are ready to talk to you, they'll take the bait.
If your friend keeps ignoring your communication offers for weeks or months, that means your they have probably decided to move on.
If this happens, it's best to get on with your life and make some new friends. , If you have done something wrong, you should be mature about it.
When your friend confronts you, they have every right to do so.
Instead of arguing, admit to them that you made a big mistake, it was your fault, and you're sorry.
This will show that you're a mature and conscientious person who cares about them.
If it was partially your friend's fault, hearing your apology will encourage them to think about what happened, and they might apologize too. , If you are being kind to them, but they keep being upset with you, this might be more than a spat between friends.
Tell a parent, teacher, or counselor if...
It seems almost impossible to please your friend—it's like they get mad at you no matter what You're constantly apologizing You often feel sad, angry at yourself, insecure, anxious, or weepy after hanging out with them Your friend gets mad at you for expressing your opinions or trying to have some input on decisions. (Note: this doesn't include opinions that disrespect others' existence, such as racist or ableist remarks) You often feel nervous before hanging out with them You're particularly at risk for abuse: you've been abused in the past, you're autistic or intellectually/developmentally disabled.
Your friend has threatened or physically hurt you This is bullying and should not be tolerated. , The teacher may be able to help sort out the argument, or find a mediator who can.
Remember that this wasn't easy for your friend, and that you value your friendship.
Not being angry with them is a very strong and mature thing to do and if you manage it, you should be proud of yourself.
If what you did was so bad that you'll be punished, then do your best to accept it with grace.
These are the consequences of your behavior, and you can choose to learn from it.
If you need to, give yourself some space from them until you're sure that you can stop being mad at them. , If you feel that your friendship cannot be mended, then maybe it's time to leave your friend behind.
If you feel that your friendship is worth saving, and can be saved, then persevere.
Either you or your friend have to make this decision, and if you feel that it's time, then it's best to sit down and talk about it then to let your friendship drift away or to have more arguments.
Have a final talk and then draw a line under it.
Don't just not talk to each other ever again, just become acquaintances and go your separate ways.
Maybe your friendship can be rekindled in the future. , You have done something wrong but it's not the end of the world.
As long as you accept it, apologize sincerely, and treat your friend well, your friend should forgive you.
In time, things will be okay again.
About the Author
Charles Ryan
A passionate writer with expertise in hobbies topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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