How to End a Lifelong Friendship
Determine why you are ending the long term relationship., Once you have made the decision, don't second guess yourself., Recall the good times, and try to remember the friendship in a good light, if possible., Don't call the person you have decided...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Determine why you are ending the long term relationship.
If the reasons start with the fact that you have known each other for over 30 years, but do not have mutual affection or interests in common, or the person makes you feel drained and unhappy when you are around them, it is time to end this friendship for maintaining your own personal self-esteem and personal health. -
Step 2: Once you have made the decision
You are making a healthy decision to find new friends who support you, don't go back to this unhealthy relationship just because it is comfortable. , It is always difficult to stop being friends with someone, even when the act of friendship is one-sided or turns unhealthy for you.
It is perfectly acceptable to recall the good times, but don't obsess over them. , Do this in a natural way so that they won't notice a sudden change in your behavior and think something is up.
You can do this by ignoring phone calls and only calling back when you are on your way to an appointment, you want to become very busy.
Get out there and meet new healthy friends that lift you up.
This friend will only contact you to lean on you, bend your ear for more of their personal complaints, or ask to borrow money again.
They will not call you just to see how you are doing, so don't expect it.
Prepare how you will respond to this friend when he or she does call, after you have stopped calling for awhile.
Be ready to wait several days, weeks or months, because this type of friend will not notice that you are gone right away. , Say you are very busy and you're not sure when things will calm down.
Sound happy and be positive.
You know this person very well so be prepared when you talk to them.
Know what you are going to say and practice with a spouse or family member, but keep things short.
You will need to do this several times, as this friend will not believe at first that you are no longer there for them.
If they ask you out to lunch, say you are going out with friends and can't make it, but don't reschedule.
If they want to talk about her new promotion at work, say you can't talk now, you are finishing a project yourself for work and have to go.
Think of any excuse to get off of the phone.
They will eventually either come over to your house to see what is up, or they will break down and ask if she/he "did something to offend you." If they come over, be polite and tell them you're on your way to an appointment.
If they ask if you are offended by something they said, say "no, I'm just very busy and don't have a lot of spare time lately," and get off the phone. , If they stop and talk to you, again keep things short and sweet.
Appear to be very happy, even if you are having a difficult day.
This will send the message to this past friend that you no longer need them and are faring just fine without contact.
Eventually they will get the hints and stop calling you, because you are no longer giving them what they want or need. , In several years' time (not several days or months) people can change, and your vain friend may have turned over a new leaf.
But if you find that they are the same person you left before, pass again.
Anyone can legitimately be busy, so use this as an excuse, but don't elaborate that you have exciting news, etc. -
Step 3: don't second guess yourself.
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Step 4: Recall the good times
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Step 5: and try to remember the friendship in a good light
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Step 6: if possible.
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Step 7: Don't call the person you have decided to stop being friends with
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Step 8: just slowly phase the individual out of your life.
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Step 9: Once the past friend calls you
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Step 10: you need to stay strong in your resolve to end the relationship.
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Step 11: If you see this friend out and about
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Step 12: just smile
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Step 13: but keep moving.
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Step 14: If you decide after several years that you want to try being friends with this person again
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Step 15: go ahead and give it a go.
Detailed Guide
If the reasons start with the fact that you have known each other for over 30 years, but do not have mutual affection or interests in common, or the person makes you feel drained and unhappy when you are around them, it is time to end this friendship for maintaining your own personal self-esteem and personal health.
You are making a healthy decision to find new friends who support you, don't go back to this unhealthy relationship just because it is comfortable. , It is always difficult to stop being friends with someone, even when the act of friendship is one-sided or turns unhealthy for you.
It is perfectly acceptable to recall the good times, but don't obsess over them. , Do this in a natural way so that they won't notice a sudden change in your behavior and think something is up.
You can do this by ignoring phone calls and only calling back when you are on your way to an appointment, you want to become very busy.
Get out there and meet new healthy friends that lift you up.
This friend will only contact you to lean on you, bend your ear for more of their personal complaints, or ask to borrow money again.
They will not call you just to see how you are doing, so don't expect it.
Prepare how you will respond to this friend when he or she does call, after you have stopped calling for awhile.
Be ready to wait several days, weeks or months, because this type of friend will not notice that you are gone right away. , Say you are very busy and you're not sure when things will calm down.
Sound happy and be positive.
You know this person very well so be prepared when you talk to them.
Know what you are going to say and practice with a spouse or family member, but keep things short.
You will need to do this several times, as this friend will not believe at first that you are no longer there for them.
If they ask you out to lunch, say you are going out with friends and can't make it, but don't reschedule.
If they want to talk about her new promotion at work, say you can't talk now, you are finishing a project yourself for work and have to go.
Think of any excuse to get off of the phone.
They will eventually either come over to your house to see what is up, or they will break down and ask if she/he "did something to offend you." If they come over, be polite and tell them you're on your way to an appointment.
If they ask if you are offended by something they said, say "no, I'm just very busy and don't have a lot of spare time lately," and get off the phone. , If they stop and talk to you, again keep things short and sweet.
Appear to be very happy, even if you are having a difficult day.
This will send the message to this past friend that you no longer need them and are faring just fine without contact.
Eventually they will get the hints and stop calling you, because you are no longer giving them what they want or need. , In several years' time (not several days or months) people can change, and your vain friend may have turned over a new leaf.
But if you find that they are the same person you left before, pass again.
Anyone can legitimately be busy, so use this as an excuse, but don't elaborate that you have exciting news, etc.
About the Author
Steven Green
Committed to making hobbies accessible and understandable for everyone.
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