How to Feel Happy for Your Friends Instead of Jealous
Learn the difference between jealousy and envy., Be honest about your feelings., Discover the source of your insecurity., Break it down., Seek reassurance., Don’t view yourself in competition with your friend., Forgive yourself., Spend less time...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Learn the difference between jealousy and envy.
To feel the emotional energy of jealousy means that you are feeling a sense of insecurity about a potential loss, or not having or having enough of a desired resource.
It is important to understand that there is a difference between the emotional feeling of jealousy and envy.
Jealousy is the overwhelming fear that another person may take something away from you that you consider of importance.
For most people, it is a normal human response to experience the feelings of jealousy from time to time.
However, for a few others, jealousy can be destructive in life, often interfering with their normal functioning.
It is when jealousy becomes overpowering, making it difficult for you to engage and function normally that you may need to think about seeking professional support for help.
Envy is that emotion you may feel of wanting something that someone else has.
It is common for the feeling of envy to spark other emotions such as sadness, while jealousy is more associated with feelings of anger and resentment. -
Step 2: Be honest about your feelings.
If you are jealous, you need to admit it before you can ever work on feeling happy for your friends.You can either admit your feelings to yourself, to a third party, or to your friend directly.
All three forms of admission are equally valid.
Choose the one that you feel most comfortable with.For instance, you might want to quietly admit your jealous feelings to yourself to avoid the embarrassment that might accompany such an admission.
On the other hand, you might want to confess your feelings to a therapist or a close friend.
Doing so might help you feel as though you’ve lifted a weight off your shoulders in a more substantial way than you might if you simply acknowledged your jealousy to yourself in private.
Depending on the depth of your jealousy and the level of your friendship, you might want to admit your feelings to the friend you’re jealous of.
If you and your friend are very close and have a very open and honest relationship, you might choose to confess your feelings to them directly.
You might, for instance, say, “I am very jealous of your good looks.” , Jealousy appears when someone else has something that you wish you had.
Your friend might, for instance, have a talent, an object, or a relationship that you wish was yours.
Analyze your friendship and identify the specific source of your jealousy., Being aware of that initial pang of jealousy will allow you to put some focus on it and deconstruct it.
Ask yourself what the reason for your jealousy is.
Jealousy can tell you a lot about where you are at emotionally and mentally right now, and what it is you want or need.
Are there other emotions attached to your jealousy such as anger, hurt, fear, frustration, or resentment? Consider the information you’ve obtained and identify ways to find healthy coping skills and solutions to your issues. , Once you identify the source of your jealousy regarding your friend, ask them, a friend, or family member for reassurance.
For instance, if you are jealous of your friend’s style or clothing, you might ask a friend or close family member, “Do you think my clothes are nice?” or “Do I have a sophisticated and modern style?”If you don’t feel comfortable asking someone else for reassurance directly, think back on times when you’ve been complimented on your style, or reflect on times when you felt pleased and confident in the way you dressed. , Reframe the relationship between you and your friend as one in which you can both accomplish great things in different areas of your lives.
For instance, instead of feeling jealous for your friend’s swimming abilities, put yourself in their shoes and ask, “What can they not do that I can do quite well?”For instance, if your friend is a great swimmer, you might be jealous of that ability.
But if you are a great writer, they might be jealous of your ability.
Recognize that everyone has different talents and abilities, and not everyone has the same opportunity to develop the same skills.
Remember, just because your friend has earned praise or recognition doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve praise or recognition, or will never meet with praise or recognition.
This process occurs over a long period during which you will gradually adjust your attitude in order to overcome jealousy. , Jealousy often stems from feelings that you do not possess anything of value, or from a belief that you are somehow to blame for failing to accomplish something your friend has managed to accomplish.
This perceived failure often leads to jealousy.
Forgiving yourself can help you eliminate this jealousy.
To forgive yourself, see that your friend’s situation
- like yours
- is based largely on contingencies that are out of their control.
For instance, if your friend has a great relationship, you might feel envious that you do not have a great relationship (or even any relationship at all).
Instead of looking at your friend’s success as an indictment of you, look at it as merely good luck for them.
They just happened to be in the right place at the right time to meet the person they went on to have such a great relationship with. , If you find that your jealousy for your friend makes it impossible to spend time with them, take a break from them.
You don’t need to announce a formal break with your friend.
Instead, decline their invitations for a period of time during which you can regain your perspective and rediscover how great a friend they are.For instance, the next time the friend you’re jealous and not happy for invites you out, say, “No thank you.
I think I’ll be staying in tonight.” Spend the time apart from your friend contemplating your relationship with them and reflecting on all the great things about your friendship. -
Step 3: Discover the source of your insecurity.
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Step 4: Break it down.
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Step 5: Seek reassurance.
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Step 6: Don’t view yourself in competition with your friend.
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Step 7: Forgive yourself.
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Step 8: Spend less time with your friend.
Detailed Guide
To feel the emotional energy of jealousy means that you are feeling a sense of insecurity about a potential loss, or not having or having enough of a desired resource.
It is important to understand that there is a difference between the emotional feeling of jealousy and envy.
Jealousy is the overwhelming fear that another person may take something away from you that you consider of importance.
For most people, it is a normal human response to experience the feelings of jealousy from time to time.
However, for a few others, jealousy can be destructive in life, often interfering with their normal functioning.
It is when jealousy becomes overpowering, making it difficult for you to engage and function normally that you may need to think about seeking professional support for help.
Envy is that emotion you may feel of wanting something that someone else has.
It is common for the feeling of envy to spark other emotions such as sadness, while jealousy is more associated with feelings of anger and resentment.
If you are jealous, you need to admit it before you can ever work on feeling happy for your friends.You can either admit your feelings to yourself, to a third party, or to your friend directly.
All three forms of admission are equally valid.
Choose the one that you feel most comfortable with.For instance, you might want to quietly admit your jealous feelings to yourself to avoid the embarrassment that might accompany such an admission.
On the other hand, you might want to confess your feelings to a therapist or a close friend.
Doing so might help you feel as though you’ve lifted a weight off your shoulders in a more substantial way than you might if you simply acknowledged your jealousy to yourself in private.
Depending on the depth of your jealousy and the level of your friendship, you might want to admit your feelings to the friend you’re jealous of.
If you and your friend are very close and have a very open and honest relationship, you might choose to confess your feelings to them directly.
You might, for instance, say, “I am very jealous of your good looks.” , Jealousy appears when someone else has something that you wish you had.
Your friend might, for instance, have a talent, an object, or a relationship that you wish was yours.
Analyze your friendship and identify the specific source of your jealousy., Being aware of that initial pang of jealousy will allow you to put some focus on it and deconstruct it.
Ask yourself what the reason for your jealousy is.
Jealousy can tell you a lot about where you are at emotionally and mentally right now, and what it is you want or need.
Are there other emotions attached to your jealousy such as anger, hurt, fear, frustration, or resentment? Consider the information you’ve obtained and identify ways to find healthy coping skills and solutions to your issues. , Once you identify the source of your jealousy regarding your friend, ask them, a friend, or family member for reassurance.
For instance, if you are jealous of your friend’s style or clothing, you might ask a friend or close family member, “Do you think my clothes are nice?” or “Do I have a sophisticated and modern style?”If you don’t feel comfortable asking someone else for reassurance directly, think back on times when you’ve been complimented on your style, or reflect on times when you felt pleased and confident in the way you dressed. , Reframe the relationship between you and your friend as one in which you can both accomplish great things in different areas of your lives.
For instance, instead of feeling jealous for your friend’s swimming abilities, put yourself in their shoes and ask, “What can they not do that I can do quite well?”For instance, if your friend is a great swimmer, you might be jealous of that ability.
But if you are a great writer, they might be jealous of your ability.
Recognize that everyone has different talents and abilities, and not everyone has the same opportunity to develop the same skills.
Remember, just because your friend has earned praise or recognition doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve praise or recognition, or will never meet with praise or recognition.
This process occurs over a long period during which you will gradually adjust your attitude in order to overcome jealousy. , Jealousy often stems from feelings that you do not possess anything of value, or from a belief that you are somehow to blame for failing to accomplish something your friend has managed to accomplish.
This perceived failure often leads to jealousy.
Forgiving yourself can help you eliminate this jealousy.
To forgive yourself, see that your friend’s situation
- like yours
- is based largely on contingencies that are out of their control.
For instance, if your friend has a great relationship, you might feel envious that you do not have a great relationship (or even any relationship at all).
Instead of looking at your friend’s success as an indictment of you, look at it as merely good luck for them.
They just happened to be in the right place at the right time to meet the person they went on to have such a great relationship with. , If you find that your jealousy for your friend makes it impossible to spend time with them, take a break from them.
You don’t need to announce a formal break with your friend.
Instead, decline their invitations for a period of time during which you can regain your perspective and rediscover how great a friend they are.For instance, the next time the friend you’re jealous and not happy for invites you out, say, “No thank you.
I think I’ll be staying in tonight.” Spend the time apart from your friend contemplating your relationship with them and reflecting on all the great things about your friendship.
About the Author
Melissa Peterson
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow practical skills tutorials.
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