How to Find Things to Talk About With Shallow People

Ask what they have been up to., Ask questions about the things they express interest in., Find common ground., Talk about current events., Try doing some activities together., Try some more intellectual topics, and see if they express interest...

8 Steps 5 min read Medium

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Step 1: Ask what they have been up to.

    You can get a better window into their lives by letting them share what they care about most.

    This lets them lead the conversation (so you don't have to do as much work), and lets you get to know them better.

    Get the scoop on their lives by asking questions like:
    What classes are you taking? Have you been reading any good books lately? Are you in any clubs? What are your hobbies? What do you do for work? What sort of job do you want?
  2. Step 2: Ask questions about the things they express interest in.

    If there is something they seem to enjoy talking about, encourage them to keep going.

    Ask open-ended questions (questions that require more than a yes or no answer) to get them to speak in more detail.

    Consider questions like:
    When did you get into sports? You said you went to Germany? What's it like there? Your little brother sounds really sweet.

    How old is he? What kinds of things does he like? Cheerleading must be hard work.

    How much do you practice? , The easiest way to find common ground is to use the situation you are in.

    You can comment on your reason for being in a specific place, or find something in your surroundings to remark on.

    For example, if you are in a restaurant for a friend’s birthday, then you could ask how they like the restaurant or ask how they met your friend.

    If they mention something that interests you, let them know.

    Then the conversation can shift to that subject.

    You can even try asking for advice on a subject you both have in common—people love to feel like an expert! For example, you could help find common interests with comments like:
    You have a dog? So do I! Mine is a golden retriever.

    Is that a Star Trek shirt? I love that series! It's really cool that you volunteer at the Down Syndrome group.

    I've been thinking about finding places to volunteer around here.

    Do you have any advice? , Stay up to date on current events and popular culture in order to have some conversation topics available with people.

    Read the news, flip through a gossip magazine at the dentist’s office, and stay tuned in to what is going on in the world.Mention any movies you’ve seen lately or want to see.

    Ask for their review if they’ve seen it already.

    Recommend any TV shows you’ve been watching that you think the other person might enjoy.

    Discuss current events.

    You might not want to discuss politics if you are unsure if they share your views, but other events in the day’s news may be good discussion points.

    Ask if the person enjoys sports, and if so start a discussion about a recent game that you both saw. , You can let them show you their world, or offer to give them a taste of yours.

    Let them teach you how to do one of the things they like, or do something you both enjoy.

    Working on an activity together can provide a natural source of conversation.You could cook a meal together, play a game, or work on a project.

    You may find yourselves bonding over your task.

    Ask the other person to show you how to do something they are good at.

    Ask questions and be curious about their area of expertise.

    You could also offer to show the other person how to do something they may have expressed interest in.

    For example, you may make smoothies every morning for breakfast, and your health-conscious neighbor is interested.

    You could show them your ingredients list and whip up a smoothie for your neighbor to try. , They may show their hidden depths.

    Find something you have in common and see if you can take it to a deeper level.

    For example, say you are both a fan of ‘80s music.

    You could say, “You know, I always admired Madonna for how she pioneered her own brand of feminism.

    I think she really helped shape the culture we’re in today, what do you think?” You may both be football fans, for example, but you could also talk about other issues facing the game, like the high rate of brain injury or player salaries. , If you are having a difficult time making conversation, or are growing tired of the person’s dull monologue, find a way to politely remove yourself from the situation.

    You don’t have to get stuck talking to someone for hours.If you are at a party, you could excuse yourself to get a drink or a snack.

    If you see someone you know, you could say, “I’m so sorry to cut this short, but I have been meaning to talk to Paul about something.

    Please excuse me!” If you are stuck in a place where you can’t easily get away from them (like on a car trip), try saying, “I think I’m going to close my eyes and try to rest for a bit.” If you have headphones, pop them on, too, so you can show you are no longer interested in having a conversation.
  3. Step 3: Find common ground.

  4. Step 4: Talk about current events.

  5. Step 5: Try doing some activities together.

  6. Step 6: Try some more intellectual topics

  7. Step 7: and see if they express interest.

  8. Step 8: Excuse yourself if you’re bored.

Detailed Guide

You can get a better window into their lives by letting them share what they care about most.

This lets them lead the conversation (so you don't have to do as much work), and lets you get to know them better.

Get the scoop on their lives by asking questions like:
What classes are you taking? Have you been reading any good books lately? Are you in any clubs? What are your hobbies? What do you do for work? What sort of job do you want?

If there is something they seem to enjoy talking about, encourage them to keep going.

Ask open-ended questions (questions that require more than a yes or no answer) to get them to speak in more detail.

Consider questions like:
When did you get into sports? You said you went to Germany? What's it like there? Your little brother sounds really sweet.

How old is he? What kinds of things does he like? Cheerleading must be hard work.

How much do you practice? , The easiest way to find common ground is to use the situation you are in.

You can comment on your reason for being in a specific place, or find something in your surroundings to remark on.

For example, if you are in a restaurant for a friend’s birthday, then you could ask how they like the restaurant or ask how they met your friend.

If they mention something that interests you, let them know.

Then the conversation can shift to that subject.

You can even try asking for advice on a subject you both have in common—people love to feel like an expert! For example, you could help find common interests with comments like:
You have a dog? So do I! Mine is a golden retriever.

Is that a Star Trek shirt? I love that series! It's really cool that you volunteer at the Down Syndrome group.

I've been thinking about finding places to volunteer around here.

Do you have any advice? , Stay up to date on current events and popular culture in order to have some conversation topics available with people.

Read the news, flip through a gossip magazine at the dentist’s office, and stay tuned in to what is going on in the world.Mention any movies you’ve seen lately or want to see.

Ask for their review if they’ve seen it already.

Recommend any TV shows you’ve been watching that you think the other person might enjoy.

Discuss current events.

You might not want to discuss politics if you are unsure if they share your views, but other events in the day’s news may be good discussion points.

Ask if the person enjoys sports, and if so start a discussion about a recent game that you both saw. , You can let them show you their world, or offer to give them a taste of yours.

Let them teach you how to do one of the things they like, or do something you both enjoy.

Working on an activity together can provide a natural source of conversation.You could cook a meal together, play a game, or work on a project.

You may find yourselves bonding over your task.

Ask the other person to show you how to do something they are good at.

Ask questions and be curious about their area of expertise.

You could also offer to show the other person how to do something they may have expressed interest in.

For example, you may make smoothies every morning for breakfast, and your health-conscious neighbor is interested.

You could show them your ingredients list and whip up a smoothie for your neighbor to try. , They may show their hidden depths.

Find something you have in common and see if you can take it to a deeper level.

For example, say you are both a fan of ‘80s music.

You could say, “You know, I always admired Madonna for how she pioneered her own brand of feminism.

I think she really helped shape the culture we’re in today, what do you think?” You may both be football fans, for example, but you could also talk about other issues facing the game, like the high rate of brain injury or player salaries. , If you are having a difficult time making conversation, or are growing tired of the person’s dull monologue, find a way to politely remove yourself from the situation.

You don’t have to get stuck talking to someone for hours.If you are at a party, you could excuse yourself to get a drink or a snack.

If you see someone you know, you could say, “I’m so sorry to cut this short, but I have been meaning to talk to Paul about something.

Please excuse me!” If you are stuck in a place where you can’t easily get away from them (like on a car trip), try saying, “I think I’m going to close my eyes and try to rest for a bit.” If you have headphones, pop them on, too, so you can show you are no longer interested in having a conversation.

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Samantha Gonzales

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