How to Forgive
Reach out to connect., Ask to be heard., Discuss the issue., Apologize for your contribution., Accept the apology.If you have discussed the situation and the person has extended a sincere apology, then accept it., Show your willingness to move on.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Reach out to connect.
As life gets busy, it is difficult to stay in touch with friends.
When a conflict has occurred to push people apart, that connection becomes even harder to salvage.
If you want to forgive someone, then take the first step in the process by reaching out.
This act alone will help you to feel more open and optimistic.
It is always difficult to take the first step, and sometimes you need to give yourself a push.
Simply tell yourself, "Here we go," and pick up the phone and make contact. -
Step 2: Ask to be heard.
Whether you decide to set up a face-to-face meeting with the person, or communicate via telephone or electronic device, the goal is the same: ask the person for time to express your thoughts and feelings about the conflict.
Assure the person that you are open and willing to hear what she has to say as well.
This will allow the person to feel more open about the forthcoming discussion.
If the person refuses to meet with you, do not despair.
There are things you can do to move toward forgiveness regardless of whether the person complies.
The act of forgiveness is designed to help you in the end.
For example, use writing instead of direct contact to express your feelings and thoughts about the person.
Writing in a journal helps to process your feelings and is effective.Journaling can help reduce anxiety and stress, as it is a healthy outlet for confusing or overwhelming emotions., Some discussions in life are harder to have than others.
When a conflict has occurred and negative feelings have grown, it is difficult to start the conversation.
The goal would be to frame the conversation and guide it toward a peaceful resolution to manage the hurt and disappointment you are feeling.First, thank the person for meeting with you.
Second, tell the person your goal is to hear each other’s side of the story and come to some peaceful resolution so you both can move on.
Third, provide the details of your story including how you felt and what you thought.
Fourth, ask the person if there is anything else you can clarify for him before he provides the details of his side of the story.
Fifth, ask the person questions that will give you the necessary information to understand his intent, motives, thoughts and feelings. , Most every conflict involves a misunderstanding or misconception of what someone did or said.
There are things that you must do to loosen the tension in the situation.
Taking responsibility for your role is an act that fosters the open communication that you want, and is necessary to reach a resolution., Even if you have to force yourself to say the words, “I accept your apology,” this is a large step toward creating a sense of forgiveness for yourself.
Accepting an apology can be difficult.
If you are making your best effort to forgive someone, you can say, “I accept your apology and I am working toward forgiving you, but it’s going to take time.” , If you must or want to maintain a relationship with this person, then your behaviors must demonstrate that you are serious.
Your relationship will improve when you go through the process of forgiveness.This includes not holding grudges and bringing up the past.It also includes your willingness to laugh and be lighthearted around the person.
Moving past a conflict is a huge relief.
Let that motivate your actions toward being fair-minded and resolved.
As time passes and progress is made, you may notice you are still allowing feelings of betrayal to affect the way you treat the person.
Perhaps it happens during heated arguments or discussions.
You may not have processed your hurt feelings and still have some work to do.
This is a normal reaction and can be managed by talking about your feelings with the person involved, or someone else. -
Step 3: Discuss the issue.
-
Step 4: Apologize for your contribution.
-
Step 5: Accept the apology.If you have discussed the situation and the person has extended a sincere apology
-
Step 6: then accept it.
-
Step 7: Show your willingness to move on.
Detailed Guide
As life gets busy, it is difficult to stay in touch with friends.
When a conflict has occurred to push people apart, that connection becomes even harder to salvage.
If you want to forgive someone, then take the first step in the process by reaching out.
This act alone will help you to feel more open and optimistic.
It is always difficult to take the first step, and sometimes you need to give yourself a push.
Simply tell yourself, "Here we go," and pick up the phone and make contact.
Whether you decide to set up a face-to-face meeting with the person, or communicate via telephone or electronic device, the goal is the same: ask the person for time to express your thoughts and feelings about the conflict.
Assure the person that you are open and willing to hear what she has to say as well.
This will allow the person to feel more open about the forthcoming discussion.
If the person refuses to meet with you, do not despair.
There are things you can do to move toward forgiveness regardless of whether the person complies.
The act of forgiveness is designed to help you in the end.
For example, use writing instead of direct contact to express your feelings and thoughts about the person.
Writing in a journal helps to process your feelings and is effective.Journaling can help reduce anxiety and stress, as it is a healthy outlet for confusing or overwhelming emotions., Some discussions in life are harder to have than others.
When a conflict has occurred and negative feelings have grown, it is difficult to start the conversation.
The goal would be to frame the conversation and guide it toward a peaceful resolution to manage the hurt and disappointment you are feeling.First, thank the person for meeting with you.
Second, tell the person your goal is to hear each other’s side of the story and come to some peaceful resolution so you both can move on.
Third, provide the details of your story including how you felt and what you thought.
Fourth, ask the person if there is anything else you can clarify for him before he provides the details of his side of the story.
Fifth, ask the person questions that will give you the necessary information to understand his intent, motives, thoughts and feelings. , Most every conflict involves a misunderstanding or misconception of what someone did or said.
There are things that you must do to loosen the tension in the situation.
Taking responsibility for your role is an act that fosters the open communication that you want, and is necessary to reach a resolution., Even if you have to force yourself to say the words, “I accept your apology,” this is a large step toward creating a sense of forgiveness for yourself.
Accepting an apology can be difficult.
If you are making your best effort to forgive someone, you can say, “I accept your apology and I am working toward forgiving you, but it’s going to take time.” , If you must or want to maintain a relationship with this person, then your behaviors must demonstrate that you are serious.
Your relationship will improve when you go through the process of forgiveness.This includes not holding grudges and bringing up the past.It also includes your willingness to laugh and be lighthearted around the person.
Moving past a conflict is a huge relief.
Let that motivate your actions toward being fair-minded and resolved.
As time passes and progress is made, you may notice you are still allowing feelings of betrayal to affect the way you treat the person.
Perhaps it happens during heated arguments or discussions.
You may not have processed your hurt feelings and still have some work to do.
This is a normal reaction and can be managed by talking about your feelings with the person involved, or someone else.
About the Author
Michael Powell
Creates helpful guides on crafts to inspire and educate readers.
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