How to Gain Your Stubborn Ex's Friendship

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Stop viewing your ex's refusal to remain your friend as a "stubborn" attitude.

   By calling your ex stubborn, you have effectively projected your own frustration about the situation onto your ex and consider that your ex is preventing you from fulfilling your desired outcome.
   
   More than likely your ex has given this ample reflection and feels strongly that remaining friends with you will just not work for him or her.
2. 2

   Step 2: Think carefully about why you believe it's worth staying friends with your ex.

   What possible benefits will arise out of maintaining such a relationship for both of you? Are you just wanting this from a place of pain? Or do you really feel that the bonds of friendship remain between both of you? Another thing to watch is fear of social approbation; are you driven by a fear of not having your ex "on your side" in social situations, at school, at work, etc.? Be honest in your assessment, as a lot rides on trying to keep a friendship with an ex. , If your ex is willing to discuss the possibility of friendship, you have a foot in the door but don't make more of it than what it is.
   
   Be sure to find a neutral location to talk together (do not revisit memory lane places!) and remain calm, considerate and factual.
   
   Explain the reasons for why you believe that friendship would be a good outcome for both of you.
   
   This means thinking of good reasons in advance, as well as viewing things from your ex's perspective as well. , This means actively hearing what your ex is really saying.
   
   It might be tempting to hear what you would like to hear being said but it is much more important to hear what your ex really means.
   
   Instead of trying to color the conversation with your view of a positive outcome, take a reality check by thinking through what your ex is actually saying.
   
   Ask yourself:
   Does this really sound like someone who wants friendship with me? Is my ex still angry, hurt, avoiding me? Does my ex seem comfortable? Am I being reasonable, am I really listening, am I mindful of what my ex really wants? , Whenever you feel your emotions getting the better of you, stick to the facts and benefits of your reasoning.
   
   Any attempt at emotionally blackmailing your ex will backfire, so avoid this – you don't want a reinstatement of a relationship at any level if it was brought about by one person feeling obliged to another, as that will not endure.
   
   Examples of attempting to emotionally blackmail your ex might include:
   Harping on about promises he or she made when the two of you were together Discussing how hurt or disappointed others will be if you don't remain friends (family, friends, mutual acquaintances, etc.) Crying without stop, and making a general emotional scene Begging Threatening to harm yourself or someone/something, threatening to do something terrible etc. , While it might hurt to have to walk away finally, it is a lesson in life that many people learn from.
   
   Happiness does not come from trying to manipulate people or the future to bend to your will; that will simply result in you feeling powerless and worried about when things will come tumbling down around you.
3. 3

   Step 3: Seek a mutual meeting of minds.

4. 4

   Step 4: Listen to your ex.

5. 5

   Step 5: Stay calm and reasoned at all times.

6. 6

   Step 6: Respect your ex's decision.

Detailed Guide

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