How to Get a Shy Guy to Open Up to You
Make the first move., Ask a question about the surroundings, request help, or make a general statement about the immediate situation.Focus on thoughts and/or actions, rather than feelings., Match his intensity and adopt a similar posture., Watch his...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Make the first move.
Shy people want social interaction, but are often anxious or afraid.Thus, they are not likely to initiate conversation, so be prepared to get the conversation started.
Approach him casually.
A formal introduction may make him nervous and more self-conscious.
If you are in an unfamiliar place, try approaching him and telling him you're glad to see someone familiar there.
If you haven't had much contact in the past, explain where you know him from. -
Step 2: Ask a question about the surroundings
This will ease him into conversation.
Ask open-ended questions to prevent him from slipping into a pattern of providing yes or no answers and provide opportunity for follow up questions.
It will make keeping the conversation going easier.
For example, you might ask him, "What project did you come up with for class?" After he answers, you can ask him to explain it to you and ask follow up questions. , This will demonstrate your interest without being perceived as aggressive.Mirroring also increases the sense of connection and helps to speed the development of rapport.While mirroring involves mimicking behavior, focus more on mimicking his mood and subtle movements.
Outright copying may be received negatively.For example, if he leans in, you should lean in but don't directly copy every large movement. , If your guy is really shy, he may not even feel comfortable telling you if he's not comfortable with the conversation.
Watch his body language to see if he seems comfortable and relaxed, or nervous and tense.If his arms are crossed in front of him or his hands are in his pockets, he probably feels uncomfortable.
If his arms are relaxed and hang by his sides, he probably feels pretty chill.
If his body is angled away from you, it's a sign he'd probably like to get away from the conversation.
If his body is angled toward you (including his feet), he's probably interested in staying put.
If his movements are jerky or tense, he's probably not comfortable.
If his movements are fairly smooth and fluid, he's probably feeling all right.
If he's making consistent eye contact, he's likely interested in continuing the conversation.
If his glance darts away or seems unfocused, he's probably feeling uncomfortable. , The conversation should start superficially and gradually become more personal to allow him to manage his discomfort.
Asking questions about what he thinks or feels about the topic of conversation is an easy way to ease into the personal, without becoming too intimate.
To subtly shift the conversation to the personal, ask "what interested you about the project?" or "why did you choose that project?" -
Step 3: request help
-
Step 4: or make a general statement about the immediate situation.Focus on thoughts and/or actions
-
Step 5: rather than feelings.
-
Step 6: Match his intensity and adopt a similar posture.
-
Step 7: Watch his body language.
-
Step 8: Transition the conversation to the personal
-
Step 9: slowly.
Detailed Guide
Shy people want social interaction, but are often anxious or afraid.Thus, they are not likely to initiate conversation, so be prepared to get the conversation started.
Approach him casually.
A formal introduction may make him nervous and more self-conscious.
If you are in an unfamiliar place, try approaching him and telling him you're glad to see someone familiar there.
If you haven't had much contact in the past, explain where you know him from.
This will ease him into conversation.
Ask open-ended questions to prevent him from slipping into a pattern of providing yes or no answers and provide opportunity for follow up questions.
It will make keeping the conversation going easier.
For example, you might ask him, "What project did you come up with for class?" After he answers, you can ask him to explain it to you and ask follow up questions. , This will demonstrate your interest without being perceived as aggressive.Mirroring also increases the sense of connection and helps to speed the development of rapport.While mirroring involves mimicking behavior, focus more on mimicking his mood and subtle movements.
Outright copying may be received negatively.For example, if he leans in, you should lean in but don't directly copy every large movement. , If your guy is really shy, he may not even feel comfortable telling you if he's not comfortable with the conversation.
Watch his body language to see if he seems comfortable and relaxed, or nervous and tense.If his arms are crossed in front of him or his hands are in his pockets, he probably feels uncomfortable.
If his arms are relaxed and hang by his sides, he probably feels pretty chill.
If his body is angled away from you, it's a sign he'd probably like to get away from the conversation.
If his body is angled toward you (including his feet), he's probably interested in staying put.
If his movements are jerky or tense, he's probably not comfortable.
If his movements are fairly smooth and fluid, he's probably feeling all right.
If he's making consistent eye contact, he's likely interested in continuing the conversation.
If his glance darts away or seems unfocused, he's probably feeling uncomfortable. , The conversation should start superficially and gradually become more personal to allow him to manage his discomfort.
Asking questions about what he thinks or feels about the topic of conversation is an easy way to ease into the personal, without becoming too intimate.
To subtly shift the conversation to the personal, ask "what interested you about the project?" or "why did you choose that project?"
About the Author
Janice Gray
Creates helpful guides on practical skills to inspire and educate readers.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: