How to Get Over a Friend's Betrayal
Ask yourself if it was a misunderstanding., Ask yourself how the other person feels., Put it in perspective.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask yourself if it was a misunderstanding.
It's easy to get upset when you think that someone close to you has betrayed you, but you need to be sure that a betrayal has actually taken place.
Think about if you may have rushed to conclusions.
Make sure your friend has really done something wrong.
What was your role in the incident? Could you have made an assumption that led to a misunderstanding or upset? Find out what really happened.
Ask third-parties who may know what happened for more information.
Consider all the information including your own.
If your friend really has done something wrong, has he or she admitted wrongdoing? Of course, a confession is not the only evidence of guilt, but it should be taken into consideration.
Otherwise, you have to consider the possibility of a misunderstanding.
This is not to say that all guilty people confess.
Many don’t.
So consider all the evidence, and make a decision about what to do next if a betrayal has occurred.
For instance, if you told a secret and suddenly everyone knows your secret, then you'll probably suspect your friend of betraying you.
Ask your friend if he or she intentionally told someone.
Was it an accident? Did it just slip out? -
Step 2: Ask yourself how the other person feels.
If your friend is just as upset as you are, maybe you should understand your friend’s perspective.
Try to put yourself in your friend’s shoes.
Could you have said something that was misinterpreted by your friend, or vice versa? You also have to understand that you don’t know what is going on in a person’s life.
So, you have to look at the incident from the other person’s perspective.
If your friend is open to it, ask about how he or she is feeling.
You never know what could be happening, so you must try to see it from his or her point of view.
Continuing with the example above, understand how your friend felt carrying your secret.
Was the secret too much of a burden to carry? Also, consider if your friend feels badly. , There are two sides to every story, and there are many elements that influence events.
Try to look at the situation objectively.
If you remove yourself from the situation and think about it as if it happened to someone else, it allows you to view the incident differently.
You might see the situation and understand it in an entirely different light.
This is not to say that after you do this, you won’t think that any wrongdoing has occurred.
You still may come to the same conclusion:
You think you’re friend betrayed you whether you look at it objectively or subjectively.
If this is the case, then you’ll have to consider how you want to proceed.
After reviewing the situation objectively, you’ll likely develop some compassion for your friend.
This doesn’t mean you’ll excuse your friend’s behavior, but since you have a different lens to view the situation you’ll feel differently.
Having compassion for your friend who has betrayed you, believe it or not, will help you move on.You may also begin to realize how you may have contributed to a situation that led to betrayal, or how you may have contributed to the situation
-- either by turning a blind eye or overlooking something.
It's a powerful realization and a wake-up call to face-up to everything that was being ignored or overlooked.Was it too much to ask to ask a friend of yours to carry a major secret? Is your friend a blabber mouth? Does he or she tell everyone's business? If so, then you made a bad decision in expecting your friend to keep your secret. -
Step 3: Put it in perspective.
Detailed Guide
It's easy to get upset when you think that someone close to you has betrayed you, but you need to be sure that a betrayal has actually taken place.
Think about if you may have rushed to conclusions.
Make sure your friend has really done something wrong.
What was your role in the incident? Could you have made an assumption that led to a misunderstanding or upset? Find out what really happened.
Ask third-parties who may know what happened for more information.
Consider all the information including your own.
If your friend really has done something wrong, has he or she admitted wrongdoing? Of course, a confession is not the only evidence of guilt, but it should be taken into consideration.
Otherwise, you have to consider the possibility of a misunderstanding.
This is not to say that all guilty people confess.
Many don’t.
So consider all the evidence, and make a decision about what to do next if a betrayal has occurred.
For instance, if you told a secret and suddenly everyone knows your secret, then you'll probably suspect your friend of betraying you.
Ask your friend if he or she intentionally told someone.
Was it an accident? Did it just slip out?
If your friend is just as upset as you are, maybe you should understand your friend’s perspective.
Try to put yourself in your friend’s shoes.
Could you have said something that was misinterpreted by your friend, or vice versa? You also have to understand that you don’t know what is going on in a person’s life.
So, you have to look at the incident from the other person’s perspective.
If your friend is open to it, ask about how he or she is feeling.
You never know what could be happening, so you must try to see it from his or her point of view.
Continuing with the example above, understand how your friend felt carrying your secret.
Was the secret too much of a burden to carry? Also, consider if your friend feels badly. , There are two sides to every story, and there are many elements that influence events.
Try to look at the situation objectively.
If you remove yourself from the situation and think about it as if it happened to someone else, it allows you to view the incident differently.
You might see the situation and understand it in an entirely different light.
This is not to say that after you do this, you won’t think that any wrongdoing has occurred.
You still may come to the same conclusion:
You think you’re friend betrayed you whether you look at it objectively or subjectively.
If this is the case, then you’ll have to consider how you want to proceed.
After reviewing the situation objectively, you’ll likely develop some compassion for your friend.
This doesn’t mean you’ll excuse your friend’s behavior, but since you have a different lens to view the situation you’ll feel differently.
Having compassion for your friend who has betrayed you, believe it or not, will help you move on.You may also begin to realize how you may have contributed to a situation that led to betrayal, or how you may have contributed to the situation
-- either by turning a blind eye or overlooking something.
It's a powerful realization and a wake-up call to face-up to everything that was being ignored or overlooked.Was it too much to ask to ask a friend of yours to carry a major secret? Is your friend a blabber mouth? Does he or she tell everyone's business? If so, then you made a bad decision in expecting your friend to keep your secret.
About the Author
Joshua Cole
Specializes in breaking down complex practical skills topics into simple steps.
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