How to Help Your Friend Stay Real About Their New Year's Resolutions
Provide feedback upon request., Make your friend’s resolution your resolution., Consider trading resolution duty., Offer to provide educational resources to assist your friend with his or her resolution., Get support from loved ones and friends...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Provide feedback upon request.
Although your friend has asked you to keep him or her on track, don’t nitpick or provide unsolicited advice at every turn.
Being on your friend’s resolution team means that you are supportive when your friend reaches certain goals and provide a shoulder to cry on when he or she misses the mark.
It also means being ready with encouragement to get back on track, to help your friend see that erring is part of the overall progress toward the goal.
Offer positive feedback when he or she least expects it.
If the resolution was to lose weight and your friend looks extra good, tell him or her, especially if they don’t ask.
Be constructive with negative feedback.
If you see your friend going off track, take a gentle approach to pulling him or her back from the edge.
For example, instead of telling your friend that he or she is eating too much or smacking the food from his or her hand (if the resolution is to lose weight), ask your friend how many “points” or calories are in the food he or she is currently eating.
Gently leading your friend to draw their own conclusions will be the most effective method for encouraging their commitment.
Avoid making your friend’s resolution the main topic of conversation.
If your friend wants your support, provide it but don’t make it the main attraction.
Discuss the resolution when prompted by your friend, but don’t bring it up on your own. -
Step 2: Make your friend’s resolution your resolution.
Put your money where you mouth is and join the crusade if it's applicable to your life.
Studies have shown that we influence our friends just by being a certain way or through what we do.In particular, our weight can influence the weight of our friends; if we're overweight, this provides "permission" or "social acceptance" for our friend to be the same way.
The same might be said for working too hard, being slothful, cursing, drinking too much, taking drugs, etc.; we can imitate the company we keep.
If you're doing something that your friend is trying to overcome, it may also be in your own interests to change too, thereby helping both of you.
For example, if both you and your friend have wanted to quit smoking for years, bond together and make it a joint effort.
Motivating each other has real power.
Before making the resolution:
Lay down the goals and rules for your resolution.
Establish what you hope to achieve, when you want to achieve your goal and how you plan to get there––together.
Agree to call each other out if you fall off the horse.
Determine language you can use to alert one another that you’ve regressed on your resolution.
For example, you could tell your friend, “I think we’re going down the wrong path with this resolution” or “Did you smoke?” Also, identify times and places that are off limits to discuss resolution shortcomings.
Events packed with mutual friends or family functions may be off limits.
Avoid comparing progress, especially if you are sticking to your resolution and your friend is not.
Don’t regress on purpose to make your friend feel better, but find a private place to ask your friend if he or she is having trouble keeping the resolution and why.
Seek a solution together that will help your friend get back on track. , One way to help each other and not just place all of the focus on one of you is to monitor each other's resolution.
Each of you choose a resolution you want to achieve and share it with the other.
Ask each other to be the mentor, support team, cheer squad, etc. for each other's resolution.
This way, you both have stories to share, slippages on both sides to correct and joint celebrations when you reach your goals.
Sharing the resolution can take off the pressure of one friend seeming to be overly scrutinizing the other; instead, both of you have a reason to be watching out for the other! , In addition to your support, provide your friend with the tools and resources to help him or her succeed.
Ideas include:
Signing up for webinars or online classes that will aid in your friend’s progress.
For example, if it’s weight loss or reducing spending habits, identify a comprehensive webinar or live seminar your friend could watch or participate in, in order to glean insightful information that will help with goal attainment.
Research methods or techniques that have worked for other people.
For instance some people respond to hypnosis to shape behavior.
Offer to pay for your friend to visit a hypnotist or purchase hypnosis CDs.
Find apps, videos and other resources that your friend can download to their phone or electronic device and carry with them to give them motivation.
Seek friends or experts who can commiserate with your friend.
If a mutual close friend achieved the goal that your friend is trying to reach, offer to arrange a meeting so your friend or expert can share insights and tips with your friend. , With your friend’s approval, invite other friends and family members to help keep your friend on track with resolutions.
Never ask others to help without your friend’s approval and also:
Ask your friend which friends or family members he or she would trust to help keep track of resolution progress.
What kind of support would be most helpful from additional friends and family.
Some examples include asking friends and family to not sabotage your friend’s efforts (like not eating fattening foods around a friend who is dieting or smoking around a friend who is trying to quit smoking), providing positive comments when witnessing progress and celebrating small victories with friends.
Consider group support as another option.
For example, if your friend is trying to exercise more regularly, suggest that your friend join a group that does exercise your friend likes.
You might even join too if it's something that fits into your schedule and interest.
Sometimes you may be called on to defend your friend's choices if someone picks on them.
For example, another friend might be insistent that your weight-losing friend have another portion or some food your friend can't eat on the diet.
Help your friend by voicing your own preference not to eat too much or to prefer the healthy food too.
Keep it civil and don't stress the reason as being your friend's resolution. , Notice the milestones and celebrate them with enthusiasm.
Leave gentle reminders that you care about their well-being and that you're always there for your friend.
Most of all, connect by listening unconditionally.
When your friend gets the blues or feels worn out by the actions needed to achieve the goal, simply listen and show that you are aware of their difficulties and struggle.
Knowing that they have a receptive listener any time will make a lot of difference to their willpower. -
Step 3: Consider trading resolution duty.
-
Step 4: Offer to provide educational resources to assist your friend with his or her resolution.
-
Step 5: Get support from loved ones and friends.
-
Step 6: Continue being your friend's cheer squad.
Detailed Guide
Although your friend has asked you to keep him or her on track, don’t nitpick or provide unsolicited advice at every turn.
Being on your friend’s resolution team means that you are supportive when your friend reaches certain goals and provide a shoulder to cry on when he or she misses the mark.
It also means being ready with encouragement to get back on track, to help your friend see that erring is part of the overall progress toward the goal.
Offer positive feedback when he or she least expects it.
If the resolution was to lose weight and your friend looks extra good, tell him or her, especially if they don’t ask.
Be constructive with negative feedback.
If you see your friend going off track, take a gentle approach to pulling him or her back from the edge.
For example, instead of telling your friend that he or she is eating too much or smacking the food from his or her hand (if the resolution is to lose weight), ask your friend how many “points” or calories are in the food he or she is currently eating.
Gently leading your friend to draw their own conclusions will be the most effective method for encouraging their commitment.
Avoid making your friend’s resolution the main topic of conversation.
If your friend wants your support, provide it but don’t make it the main attraction.
Discuss the resolution when prompted by your friend, but don’t bring it up on your own.
Put your money where you mouth is and join the crusade if it's applicable to your life.
Studies have shown that we influence our friends just by being a certain way or through what we do.In particular, our weight can influence the weight of our friends; if we're overweight, this provides "permission" or "social acceptance" for our friend to be the same way.
The same might be said for working too hard, being slothful, cursing, drinking too much, taking drugs, etc.; we can imitate the company we keep.
If you're doing something that your friend is trying to overcome, it may also be in your own interests to change too, thereby helping both of you.
For example, if both you and your friend have wanted to quit smoking for years, bond together and make it a joint effort.
Motivating each other has real power.
Before making the resolution:
Lay down the goals and rules for your resolution.
Establish what you hope to achieve, when you want to achieve your goal and how you plan to get there––together.
Agree to call each other out if you fall off the horse.
Determine language you can use to alert one another that you’ve regressed on your resolution.
For example, you could tell your friend, “I think we’re going down the wrong path with this resolution” or “Did you smoke?” Also, identify times and places that are off limits to discuss resolution shortcomings.
Events packed with mutual friends or family functions may be off limits.
Avoid comparing progress, especially if you are sticking to your resolution and your friend is not.
Don’t regress on purpose to make your friend feel better, but find a private place to ask your friend if he or she is having trouble keeping the resolution and why.
Seek a solution together that will help your friend get back on track. , One way to help each other and not just place all of the focus on one of you is to monitor each other's resolution.
Each of you choose a resolution you want to achieve and share it with the other.
Ask each other to be the mentor, support team, cheer squad, etc. for each other's resolution.
This way, you both have stories to share, slippages on both sides to correct and joint celebrations when you reach your goals.
Sharing the resolution can take off the pressure of one friend seeming to be overly scrutinizing the other; instead, both of you have a reason to be watching out for the other! , In addition to your support, provide your friend with the tools and resources to help him or her succeed.
Ideas include:
Signing up for webinars or online classes that will aid in your friend’s progress.
For example, if it’s weight loss or reducing spending habits, identify a comprehensive webinar or live seminar your friend could watch or participate in, in order to glean insightful information that will help with goal attainment.
Research methods or techniques that have worked for other people.
For instance some people respond to hypnosis to shape behavior.
Offer to pay for your friend to visit a hypnotist or purchase hypnosis CDs.
Find apps, videos and other resources that your friend can download to their phone or electronic device and carry with them to give them motivation.
Seek friends or experts who can commiserate with your friend.
If a mutual close friend achieved the goal that your friend is trying to reach, offer to arrange a meeting so your friend or expert can share insights and tips with your friend. , With your friend’s approval, invite other friends and family members to help keep your friend on track with resolutions.
Never ask others to help without your friend’s approval and also:
Ask your friend which friends or family members he or she would trust to help keep track of resolution progress.
What kind of support would be most helpful from additional friends and family.
Some examples include asking friends and family to not sabotage your friend’s efforts (like not eating fattening foods around a friend who is dieting or smoking around a friend who is trying to quit smoking), providing positive comments when witnessing progress and celebrating small victories with friends.
Consider group support as another option.
For example, if your friend is trying to exercise more regularly, suggest that your friend join a group that does exercise your friend likes.
You might even join too if it's something that fits into your schedule and interest.
Sometimes you may be called on to defend your friend's choices if someone picks on them.
For example, another friend might be insistent that your weight-losing friend have another portion or some food your friend can't eat on the diet.
Help your friend by voicing your own preference not to eat too much or to prefer the healthy food too.
Keep it civil and don't stress the reason as being your friend's resolution. , Notice the milestones and celebrate them with enthusiasm.
Leave gentle reminders that you care about their well-being and that you're always there for your friend.
Most of all, connect by listening unconditionally.
When your friend gets the blues or feels worn out by the actions needed to achieve the goal, simply listen and show that you are aware of their difficulties and struggle.
Knowing that they have a receptive listener any time will make a lot of difference to their willpower.
About the Author
Debra Burns
Brings years of experience writing about cooking and related subjects.
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