How to Put a Friend or Relative out of Your House
Determine why you want them to leave., Speak with a reasonable and respectful tone of voice., Provide detailed, impersonal examples if they ask why they need to leave., Provide a firm date they need to leave by., Seek out information or alternatives...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Determine why you want them to leave.
You need to be clear with your own reasoning before diving into the conversation.
Review any agreements you made when they moved in, or any promises that have been made/broken.
Assess the situation and their current behavior, grounding your reasoning in fact.
While "I don't like living with them" is an acceptable reason to ask someone to move, you want concrete details, like "they never do the dishes," "they said they would leave months ago," etc before talking to them.
Write down the issues as they occur, along with the date.
You want a detailed, specific record of their behavior in case things get difficult.
This conversation will not be easy, and it will more than likely damage your relationship.
However, living together with serious differences or issues will also hurt your friendship, so you need to take a stand if they've been there too long. -
Step 2: Speak with a reasonable and respectful tone of voice.
Although you may be feeling violated, fed up, or sick and tired, it is important not to explode and make unreasonable demands.
Lay out your reasons for asking them to leave, and let them know that you understand how hard this is.
Speak to them as you would a co-worker, sticking to the facts and not emotional outbursts. "We've enjoyed having you, but we unfortunately need our space back and have to ask you to leave in the next two weeks.
Stick to the reasons you drafted earlier.
If they've been a problem or broken promises, remind them that they have not held up their end of the bargain and need to move on to a new environment. , Do not respond with "because I hate you," or "because you're lazy." Give them tangible examples instead of insulting them.
This is where a list will come in handy.
If they are a constant source of issues, write down each incident and the date as they arise.
When they ask "why," mention 2-3 specific times where they broke a promise or caused you trouble.
Focus on your reasons for asking them to leave, not all of their flaws, whenever possible. "We need more space," "We can't afford to keep you here anymore," etc. , Telling them that they need to leave that night may cause incredible stress and tension, and your friend or relative may not have anywhere to go.
Instead, choose a date they need to leave by and let them know that this is a firm deadline.
In general, try and give at least 1-2 weeks, or until the end of the month, so that they have some time to prepare for their next move. "I'd like you completely moved out by April 20th." If there is a legitimate reason why that date is bad, you can talk with them to find a better day.
However, don't shift by more than 3-5 days. , If you have the resources, compile some ideas to help your guest's relocation process.
You can even bring these with you to the discussion, letting them know that they need to leave but that there are options available.
They may reject your ideas, but showing that you still care about their well-being can soften the blow. , Once you've decided to put them out, hold your ground.
This conversation could get messy, and emotions will flair up no matter how prepared you are.
You need to stand firm, however, and stick to your decision.
If your housemate convinces you to change your mind, they'll realize that they can continue breaking rules and promises without ever changing.
If things are so bad that you're going to put them out, you need to be ready to really put them out. , Putting out a friend or relative is stressful, and will most likely lead to lingering hard feelings.
Ultimately, however, you need to remember that keeping them in your house for too long can damage your relationship just as much.
If you are constantly in conflict, your friend/relative is taking advantage of you, or you are simply incompatible living partners, then your relationship will only turn toxic if you stay under the same roof.
That said, there are ways to try and keep your friendship alive.
You can:
Help them find their new place or job.
Avoid insults, even in tense situations.
If they are angry, stay calm and reiterate why it is important to you that they find a new place to live.
Don't start slinging insults.
Set up times to meet, have them over for dinner, and continue seeing each other as friends.
If you get into a big fight, or have serious disagreements, then it may be best to cut them off completely. -
Step 3: Provide detailed
-
Step 4: impersonal examples if they ask why they need to leave.
-
Step 5: Provide a firm date they need to leave by.
-
Step 6: Seek out information or alternatives as a good will gesture.
-
Step 7: Be firm
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Step 8: and consistent about your decision.
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Step 9: Understand that this may damage or ruin your relationship.
Detailed Guide
You need to be clear with your own reasoning before diving into the conversation.
Review any agreements you made when they moved in, or any promises that have been made/broken.
Assess the situation and their current behavior, grounding your reasoning in fact.
While "I don't like living with them" is an acceptable reason to ask someone to move, you want concrete details, like "they never do the dishes," "they said they would leave months ago," etc before talking to them.
Write down the issues as they occur, along with the date.
You want a detailed, specific record of their behavior in case things get difficult.
This conversation will not be easy, and it will more than likely damage your relationship.
However, living together with serious differences or issues will also hurt your friendship, so you need to take a stand if they've been there too long.
Although you may be feeling violated, fed up, or sick and tired, it is important not to explode and make unreasonable demands.
Lay out your reasons for asking them to leave, and let them know that you understand how hard this is.
Speak to them as you would a co-worker, sticking to the facts and not emotional outbursts. "We've enjoyed having you, but we unfortunately need our space back and have to ask you to leave in the next two weeks.
Stick to the reasons you drafted earlier.
If they've been a problem or broken promises, remind them that they have not held up their end of the bargain and need to move on to a new environment. , Do not respond with "because I hate you," or "because you're lazy." Give them tangible examples instead of insulting them.
This is where a list will come in handy.
If they are a constant source of issues, write down each incident and the date as they arise.
When they ask "why," mention 2-3 specific times where they broke a promise or caused you trouble.
Focus on your reasons for asking them to leave, not all of their flaws, whenever possible. "We need more space," "We can't afford to keep you here anymore," etc. , Telling them that they need to leave that night may cause incredible stress and tension, and your friend or relative may not have anywhere to go.
Instead, choose a date they need to leave by and let them know that this is a firm deadline.
In general, try and give at least 1-2 weeks, or until the end of the month, so that they have some time to prepare for their next move. "I'd like you completely moved out by April 20th." If there is a legitimate reason why that date is bad, you can talk with them to find a better day.
However, don't shift by more than 3-5 days. , If you have the resources, compile some ideas to help your guest's relocation process.
You can even bring these with you to the discussion, letting them know that they need to leave but that there are options available.
They may reject your ideas, but showing that you still care about their well-being can soften the blow. , Once you've decided to put them out, hold your ground.
This conversation could get messy, and emotions will flair up no matter how prepared you are.
You need to stand firm, however, and stick to your decision.
If your housemate convinces you to change your mind, they'll realize that they can continue breaking rules and promises without ever changing.
If things are so bad that you're going to put them out, you need to be ready to really put them out. , Putting out a friend or relative is stressful, and will most likely lead to lingering hard feelings.
Ultimately, however, you need to remember that keeping them in your house for too long can damage your relationship just as much.
If you are constantly in conflict, your friend/relative is taking advantage of you, or you are simply incompatible living partners, then your relationship will only turn toxic if you stay under the same roof.
That said, there are ways to try and keep your friendship alive.
You can:
Help them find their new place or job.
Avoid insults, even in tense situations.
If they are angry, stay calm and reiterate why it is important to you that they find a new place to live.
Don't start slinging insults.
Set up times to meet, have them over for dinner, and continue seeing each other as friends.
If you get into a big fight, or have serious disagreements, then it may be best to cut them off completely.
About the Author
Paul Barnes
Experienced content creator specializing in creative arts guides and tutorials.
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