How to Stop Talking About Yourself
Watch your vocabulary., Pay attention to whose story it is., Resist shifting the focus to you., Keep references to yourself brief., Find constructive ways to get your thoughts and opinions heard.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Watch your vocabulary.
If you're using the words I, me, and my in your conversation, then you may not be having a conversation.
You may only be talking about yourself.
Actively concentrate on this when you're speaking to others.
After all, the only way to stop a behavior is to recognize it.
An exception would be statements such as "I agree," or "I hear what you're saying," or "I would suggest approaching the issue this way." Using appropriate "I" statements show you're engaged and interested and recognize conversations are a two-way street.
A great way to remember this is to keep a rubber band around your wrist.
Every time you catch yourself using any of these words, snap the rubber band.
It may hurt a little, but it's a proven psychological method.
Start practicing these steps when conversing with friends.
Ask them to tell you if you've missed a step, as friends will always be the most supportive. -
Step 2: Pay attention to whose story it is.
If a person is telling you a story about something that happened to him, remember that it's his story, not yours.
Remember, he's sharing something that's important to him. , This transition to the next phase is natural.
After learning not to use "I," "me," and "mine," and instead replace them with "you" and "yours," it’s only natural to work on conversational transitions.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of shifting focus to yourself.
If your friend's telling you about her new SUV and how it makes her feel safe, don't immediately begin talking about how you prefer a more elegant vehicle and then go off about your Mercedes.
Instead, try saying something like, "That’s interesting.
I prefer the safety, style, and elegance of a sedan.
Do you think SUV’s are safer than sedans?" This shows you're engaged and curious about your friend's opinion. , Sometimes within the course of the conversation, it’s impossible not to talk about yourself.
That's natural, however, you shouldn't be talking about yourself 100% of the time, yet you should be listening 100% of the time.
When this happens, try redirecting the conversation away from yourself and putting the subject back on your conversation partner.
For instance, if your friend asks what kind of car you drive, you may say something like: "I drive a hybrid.
It really saves on gas and there are other perks like rebates and no parking meter fees.
Have you ever thought about owning one?" This response keeps your position brief and throws the question back to your friend.
In doing so, you’ve made your friend the conversation's gatekeeper. , It's important to be a good and active listener, but you need to express your own thoughts and opinions, too.
If you are trying to lessen talking about yourself, try things like journaling, open mic events, and submitting essays or reports, which may provide the opportunity.
This also encourages you to focus thoughtfully on what you want to say, rather than talking just for the sake of it. -
Step 3: Resist shifting the focus to you.
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Step 4: Keep references to yourself brief.
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Step 5: Find constructive ways to get your thoughts and opinions heard.
Detailed Guide
If you're using the words I, me, and my in your conversation, then you may not be having a conversation.
You may only be talking about yourself.
Actively concentrate on this when you're speaking to others.
After all, the only way to stop a behavior is to recognize it.
An exception would be statements such as "I agree," or "I hear what you're saying," or "I would suggest approaching the issue this way." Using appropriate "I" statements show you're engaged and interested and recognize conversations are a two-way street.
A great way to remember this is to keep a rubber band around your wrist.
Every time you catch yourself using any of these words, snap the rubber band.
It may hurt a little, but it's a proven psychological method.
Start practicing these steps when conversing with friends.
Ask them to tell you if you've missed a step, as friends will always be the most supportive.
If a person is telling you a story about something that happened to him, remember that it's his story, not yours.
Remember, he's sharing something that's important to him. , This transition to the next phase is natural.
After learning not to use "I," "me," and "mine," and instead replace them with "you" and "yours," it’s only natural to work on conversational transitions.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of shifting focus to yourself.
If your friend's telling you about her new SUV and how it makes her feel safe, don't immediately begin talking about how you prefer a more elegant vehicle and then go off about your Mercedes.
Instead, try saying something like, "That’s interesting.
I prefer the safety, style, and elegance of a sedan.
Do you think SUV’s are safer than sedans?" This shows you're engaged and curious about your friend's opinion. , Sometimes within the course of the conversation, it’s impossible not to talk about yourself.
That's natural, however, you shouldn't be talking about yourself 100% of the time, yet you should be listening 100% of the time.
When this happens, try redirecting the conversation away from yourself and putting the subject back on your conversation partner.
For instance, if your friend asks what kind of car you drive, you may say something like: "I drive a hybrid.
It really saves on gas and there are other perks like rebates and no parking meter fees.
Have you ever thought about owning one?" This response keeps your position brief and throws the question back to your friend.
In doing so, you’ve made your friend the conversation's gatekeeper. , It's important to be a good and active listener, but you need to express your own thoughts and opinions, too.
If you are trying to lessen talking about yourself, try things like journaling, open mic events, and submitting essays or reports, which may provide the opportunity.
This also encourages you to focus thoughtfully on what you want to say, rather than talking just for the sake of it.
About the Author
Alice Tucker
Enthusiastic about teaching pet care techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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