How to Take Back an Apology
Think through why you want to retract your apology., Consider how the apology and a retraction will be viewed by others., Consider whether the energy expended on retracting your apology is worth it., Find the right words., Do not rub salt into the...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Think through why you want to retract your apology.
It's important that the reasons for your retraction are honest, realistic, and based on good grounds.
Some examples of why you might feel the need to take back an apology include:
If you apologized for saying something about a person who claimed it was untrue but then facts later reveal that what you said was spot on, you might feel the need to retract your apology and return to your former comments, publicly.
Perhaps where you apologized but the person receiving the apology has continued to trash you and drag you through the mud despite you offering to be conciliatory.
Of course, this needs to be weighed with you trying to rise above their "gutter-sniping".
From a professional standpoint, you might feel that without a retraction of your apology, facts, research, or viewpoints that you uphold or promote might be compromised.
You're still scratching your head as to what you actually apologized for... -
Step 2: Consider how the apology and a retraction will be viewed by others.
People viewing the situation will often see it for what it is much of the time, and will understand your role.
It is important to give credit to people for seeing the situation with some level of being on your side if your original apology turns out to have been based on the other person's falsehoods or inaccuracies.
If you don't think that is the case, however, perhaps an explanation of your "regrets" and "feelings" is better than an outright retraction of an apology.
On the other hand, if the apology concerns your principles, something that you stand for professionally, or something that will impact your future career, then there may be a good reason to retract it openly and with clarity.
Is a retraction of an apology essential to set a record straight, such as about scientific/economic/research facts? In this case, you may have no choice in order to ensure professional integrity and data accuracy. , Sometimes it is better to let bygones be bygones and to live with such a reputation-hitting bump in your life, especially where the alternative is to stir the hornet's nest again and throw you back into a frenzied debate.
It really depends on whether or not the principle or issues at stake really matter to you and how you consider your standing in the public sphere will appear if you do or don't retract the apology.
Consider the following:
Will taking back your apology bring about more arguing, debating, or mistrust? Is that something you can live with, or that you're keen to sustain? Will taking back an apology make you seem selfish, indecisive, obsessive? Think of all the negatives involved! , Equally important as to understanding the why of taking back an apology, and working through the consequences, is the how.
Finding the right words will be easier if you remain calm, level-headed and cautious in your approach.
It isn't possible to create a one-size-fits-all apology retraction, as each answer needs to fit who you are, what the situation is, and who you're taking back the apology from, but here are some ideas to inspire you: "I realize that the matter X was really important to you.
Facts since have shown me however, that you were not speaking in good faith about the matter X.
And since the new facts have come to light, I no longer believe I was wrong to say what I said, therefore I withdraw my apology and return to supporting what I said before my apology." "I regret the confrontation we've had over the past few weeks.
I apologized in good faith but I no longer believe that my apology was appropriate and I take it back.
I wish you all the very best." "I am sorry that you feel so angry/disappointed, etc. about matter X but my apology was aimed at what I said about matter X, not at you.
I still remain firm in my conviction that matter X is a dangerous menace to society and I retract my apology over that statement, although I still defend your right to speak your own mind about it." "I take back my apology to you about X matter.
I don't feel that you played fair and I know now that you lied to me.
I am willing to keep talking about it with you but I am not apologizing for my take on it."
The best means for withdrawing an apology is to do it, then leave it.
You will most likely stir up some sort of controversy whether it's a love tiff, a workplace disagreement, or a legislative fisticuffs.
From this point on, you simply have to be prepared to uphold your choice and to get on with your life.
Do not keep badgering, hounding, or repeating the matter
- it's done with, and you've made your point. -
Step 3: Consider whether the energy expended on retracting your apology is worth it.
-
Step 4: Find the right words.
-
Step 5: Do not rub salt into the wound.
Detailed Guide
It's important that the reasons for your retraction are honest, realistic, and based on good grounds.
Some examples of why you might feel the need to take back an apology include:
If you apologized for saying something about a person who claimed it was untrue but then facts later reveal that what you said was spot on, you might feel the need to retract your apology and return to your former comments, publicly.
Perhaps where you apologized but the person receiving the apology has continued to trash you and drag you through the mud despite you offering to be conciliatory.
Of course, this needs to be weighed with you trying to rise above their "gutter-sniping".
From a professional standpoint, you might feel that without a retraction of your apology, facts, research, or viewpoints that you uphold or promote might be compromised.
You're still scratching your head as to what you actually apologized for...
People viewing the situation will often see it for what it is much of the time, and will understand your role.
It is important to give credit to people for seeing the situation with some level of being on your side if your original apology turns out to have been based on the other person's falsehoods or inaccuracies.
If you don't think that is the case, however, perhaps an explanation of your "regrets" and "feelings" is better than an outright retraction of an apology.
On the other hand, if the apology concerns your principles, something that you stand for professionally, or something that will impact your future career, then there may be a good reason to retract it openly and with clarity.
Is a retraction of an apology essential to set a record straight, such as about scientific/economic/research facts? In this case, you may have no choice in order to ensure professional integrity and data accuracy. , Sometimes it is better to let bygones be bygones and to live with such a reputation-hitting bump in your life, especially where the alternative is to stir the hornet's nest again and throw you back into a frenzied debate.
It really depends on whether or not the principle or issues at stake really matter to you and how you consider your standing in the public sphere will appear if you do or don't retract the apology.
Consider the following:
Will taking back your apology bring about more arguing, debating, or mistrust? Is that something you can live with, or that you're keen to sustain? Will taking back an apology make you seem selfish, indecisive, obsessive? Think of all the negatives involved! , Equally important as to understanding the why of taking back an apology, and working through the consequences, is the how.
Finding the right words will be easier if you remain calm, level-headed and cautious in your approach.
It isn't possible to create a one-size-fits-all apology retraction, as each answer needs to fit who you are, what the situation is, and who you're taking back the apology from, but here are some ideas to inspire you: "I realize that the matter X was really important to you.
Facts since have shown me however, that you were not speaking in good faith about the matter X.
And since the new facts have come to light, I no longer believe I was wrong to say what I said, therefore I withdraw my apology and return to supporting what I said before my apology." "I regret the confrontation we've had over the past few weeks.
I apologized in good faith but I no longer believe that my apology was appropriate and I take it back.
I wish you all the very best." "I am sorry that you feel so angry/disappointed, etc. about matter X but my apology was aimed at what I said about matter X, not at you.
I still remain firm in my conviction that matter X is a dangerous menace to society and I retract my apology over that statement, although I still defend your right to speak your own mind about it." "I take back my apology to you about X matter.
I don't feel that you played fair and I know now that you lied to me.
I am willing to keep talking about it with you but I am not apologizing for my take on it."
The best means for withdrawing an apology is to do it, then leave it.
You will most likely stir up some sort of controversy whether it's a love tiff, a workplace disagreement, or a legislative fisticuffs.
From this point on, you simply have to be prepared to uphold your choice and to get on with your life.
Do not keep badgering, hounding, or repeating the matter
- it's done with, and you've made your point.
About the Author
Dennis Howard
Specializes in breaking down complex practical skills topics into simple steps.
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