How to Tell if Someone Is Your Friend

Think about how the two of you got together as friends., Consider how intimate your friendship feels., Think about who makes the plans., Consider how they are when you need help., Consider the possibility that you're being used., Identify what this...

8 Steps 3 min read Medium

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Step 1: Think about how the two of you got together as friends.

    How did you meet each other? Did you fall into them by accident or did they come up to say "Hi"? Were they friendly about it? Do they say hi and wave to you, or do they walk up to you and start a conversation? If they aren't that open to you and you didn't meet in a nice manner, they probably just think of you as a 'hi and bye friend'

    which means they are just an acquaintance and want no part in friendship at that time.
  2. Step 2: Consider how intimate your friendship feels.

    Do they initiate conversations with you just to talk? Or is there always a need dangling on the end of any conversation? Can you trust them? Do you feel close to them? , Is it always you making all the plans? Does the other person always come to things you invite them too? If they really like you they will try to show up to see you.

    Don't make excuses for them like "oh, they are probably busy" because if things add up that they have rejected your requests to see them a whole bunch of times, where it just seems like you'll never see them again, maybe the other person is just trying to give you a hint.

    They just don't take the friendship as seriously as you do. , When you have a problem are they supportive and caring? A true friend feels sad when you are and offers support.

    If you're having a problem, it is their problem too and they should be right there to help. , Sometimes there are people that use you and don't really want to be your friend but they disguise it with pretend friendliness.

    For example:
    Does this person only want to hang out when you have something they want? For example, if you are doing something special and all of a sudden they're free to come, when usually, they're too busy? Do they only hang out when you go out shopping and pay for everything? If you got a yes for both of these, the person is definitely using you and wants no part of a friendship. , It could be your connections, skills, or knowledge, just something that doesn't come cheaply, commodity-wise or through friendship. , For example, if what they want from you is a free ride in your really nice car, you can say you're considering trading it in for something cheaper and more manageable.

    Make it sound like you're in control, that it was your decision to stop doing whatever they could find useful. , Real friends will respect your decision and still continue to be friends.

    False friends will either try to reverse the decision, or stop hanging out with you altogether.

    Either way they'll be unhappy and that will be one bad day for anyone who tried to take advantage of you.
  3. Step 3: Think about who makes the plans.

  4. Step 4: Consider how they are when you need help.

  5. Step 5: Consider the possibility that you're being used.

  6. Step 6: Identify what this supposed friend could possibly want from you.

  7. Step 7: Come up with a subtle way to pretend you cannot provide what you suspect they want.

  8. Step 8: Observe their reaction.

Detailed Guide

How did you meet each other? Did you fall into them by accident or did they come up to say "Hi"? Were they friendly about it? Do they say hi and wave to you, or do they walk up to you and start a conversation? If they aren't that open to you and you didn't meet in a nice manner, they probably just think of you as a 'hi and bye friend'

which means they are just an acquaintance and want no part in friendship at that time.

Do they initiate conversations with you just to talk? Or is there always a need dangling on the end of any conversation? Can you trust them? Do you feel close to them? , Is it always you making all the plans? Does the other person always come to things you invite them too? If they really like you they will try to show up to see you.

Don't make excuses for them like "oh, they are probably busy" because if things add up that they have rejected your requests to see them a whole bunch of times, where it just seems like you'll never see them again, maybe the other person is just trying to give you a hint.

They just don't take the friendship as seriously as you do. , When you have a problem are they supportive and caring? A true friend feels sad when you are and offers support.

If you're having a problem, it is their problem too and they should be right there to help. , Sometimes there are people that use you and don't really want to be your friend but they disguise it with pretend friendliness.

For example:
Does this person only want to hang out when you have something they want? For example, if you are doing something special and all of a sudden they're free to come, when usually, they're too busy? Do they only hang out when you go out shopping and pay for everything? If you got a yes for both of these, the person is definitely using you and wants no part of a friendship. , It could be your connections, skills, or knowledge, just something that doesn't come cheaply, commodity-wise or through friendship. , For example, if what they want from you is a free ride in your really nice car, you can say you're considering trading it in for something cheaper and more manageable.

Make it sound like you're in control, that it was your decision to stop doing whatever they could find useful. , Real friends will respect your decision and still continue to be friends.

False friends will either try to reverse the decision, or stop hanging out with you altogether.

Either way they'll be unhappy and that will be one bad day for anyone who tried to take advantage of you.

About the Author

L

Larry Ellis

Brings years of experience writing about home improvement and related subjects.

48 articles
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