How to Tell Someone You Don't Want to Be Their Friend Without Hurting Their Feelings

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Choose the best time and place.

   How you decide to meet with your friend and talk about ending the friendship depends on the length of your friendship, how close you are, and how you both usually talk.
   
   Make sure you choose a time, place, and method of talking that best fits the needs of your friendship, not the one that’s just easiest or least awkward for you.If you’ve been good friends for a long time, meet in-person.
   
   See if you can meet at a place where you can have some privacy.
   
   Give them a heads up that you want to meet to talk about something important, so that they’ll set aside enough time for you.
   
   If you’ve been friends for a short time, or you usually communicate online or on the phone, send them an email or call them.
2. 2

   Step 2: Be honest and brief.

   You don’t have to list all of your friend’s faults, but be clear and to the point about what’s been bothering you.
   
   Getting into too much detail may be hurtful.
   
   Think of what you’d like to stay beforehand and practice it in your head or with someone you trust.If you have a new friend who is spending time with someone you don’t like, you can say, "I enjoy spending time with you, but not Becky.
   
   I know you are very close with her, but I can’t be around her.
   
   I think for now it might be better if you and I didn't try to take our friendship further." If you just met a friend who has a different lifestyle than you, you can say, "You know, I'm really flattered that you'd like to be my friend, but I’m just not into parties and I need to focus on school.
   
   The other friends you have seem to be into that, and that’s okay, but I think it would be too tempting to me to party too much.
   
   I don’t want that right now.” If you have a good friend who has difficulty accepting your religion, you can say, "I enjoy spending time with you, but I've been feeling insulted by you, your other friends, and your parents about my commitment to my faith.
   
   I just do not want to be around it."
   
   Let your friend know you liked and cared for them.
   
   Say “thank you” for the experiences you shared.
   
   Tell them what you liked about them as a person, which will balance out and soften the blow of why you want to end the friendship.Do not be excessively flattering or generous.
   
   If you try to sweeten things with dishonest compliments, flattery, presents, or snacks, you might send them mixed messages.
   
   Avoid giving them false hope that the friendship could continue.
   
   You can say, "I appreciate all the experiences we've shared during our summers together.
   
   I like that you're always trying to make sure everyone has fun."
   
   Do not tell your friend it’s their fault or that something is wrong with them as a person.
   
   Instead, focus on the behavior or actions you don’t like.
   
   Do not accuse them or shame them for who they are.
   
   For example, if you have a good friend who has started to get involved in questionable activities, you can say, "I’ve noticed you’re spending time with people who smoke and drink more.
   
   Your friendship has meant a lot to me, but I am not comfortable around those things.
   
   That's not how I want to have fun.” , Even if you’re very nice and respectful, this is still an emotional and uncomfortable conversation.
   
   Give your friend time and space to react.
   
   They may be angry, sad, defensive, or try to tell you you’re wrong.Stay true to your feelings.
   
   Don’t let them change your mind.
   
   If they don’t want to listen or try to convince you to stay friends, be firm.
   
   Keep repeating a phrase like “This isn’t working out.” , Acknowledge their feelings and express understanding of how they may be feeling.
   
   Be kind and considerate to the fact that they may be hurting.
   
   Avoid leaving right away because you’re uncomfortable.
   
   You might say:“I know you must be feeling hurt right now.” “I’m sorry if I have hurt you.” “I bet you’re feeling really shocked right now.” , End the conversation by expressing gratitude and appreciation for who they are as a person, even if you no longer wish to be close with them.
   
   Encourage them and remind them of their value as a friend.
   
   You can say:“I’m so glad I got to know you.” “I appreciate all the good times we shared together.” “I wish you happiness and joy in your other friendships.”
3. 3

   Step 3: Express appreciation.

4. 4

   Step 4: Avoid blaming and shaming.

5. 5

   Step 5: Let them respond.

6. 6

   Step 6: Show empathy.

7. 7

   Step 7: Stay positive.

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