How to Be a Respectful Non Jewish Guest at a Jewish Holiday Dinner

Feel free to ask your hosts questions about Judaism., If your friends are Orthodox Jews, don't expect hugs, kisses, and handshakes from the women if you're a man, because touch (even something considered "casual contact" in the non-observant world...

23 Steps 2 min read Advanced

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Step 1: Feel free to ask your hosts questions about Judaism.

    Also note that your participation in Jewish customs, as led by your hosts, does not obligate you to anything in any way, nor will it nullify or "de-commit" you from your own spiritual path.

    Many non-Jews are open-minded to learning about how Jews live.
  2. Step 2: If your friends are Orthodox Jews

    For the same reason, if you are a woman, do not expect hugs, kisses, or handshakes from Orthodox men. , If it's an Orthodox Jewish home, and you're a woman, wear a modest (covers elbows, knee-length or longer hemline, no exposed decolletage), dressy dress, or blouse and skirt.

    If you're a man, wear a suit and tie, and you're likely to receive a kippah (skullcap) for your head.

    If it's NOT an Orthodox home, business casual clothes are likely appropriate. , Depending on the level of observance, there may be further discussion for you to participate in centered around the biblical narrative for the week (after a brief description of the narrative is given- comments and opinions welcome), and singing.

    Shabbat is the celebration of The Creation and the Jews' (and humanity's) place in it- completed in 6 days, with G-d resting (and commanding the Jews also to rest) on the 7th day.

    A festive meal and drinks are served. , Be prepared to spend at least 2 to 4 hours at the dining room table (you may want to eat a significant snack before you go- the full meal isn't served for an hour or two after your arrival), because Passover is the holiday in which the Jews were freed from slavery in Egypt, and the story itself is read from a Haggadah (Jewish book) along with prayers and songs. , A good host will help guide you (and be reminding everyone else at the table- it's part of the culture to continuously explain what's going on and why), so relax and enjoy!
  3. Step 3: don't expect hugs

  4. Step 4: kisses

  5. Step 5: and handshakes from the women if you're a man

  6. Step 6: because touch (even something considered "casual contact" in the non-observant world

  7. Step 7: such as a handshake) is a form of intimacy and therefore

  8. Step 8: reserved for spouses and immediate family only (children

  9. Step 9: parents

  10. Step 10: siblings).

  11. Step 11: Dress appropriately.

  12. Step 12: If it's Shabbat

  13. Step 13: ritual handwashing will be done

  14. Step 14: and there will be blessings for Shabbat candles

  15. Step 15: challah (bread)

  16. Step 16: children

  17. Step 17: and guests.

  18. Step 18: If it's Passover

  19. Step 19: (the feast of unleavened bread) matzah is served in place of bread

  20. Step 20: and no regular flour-containing items will be served.

  21. Step 21: Watch what everyone is saying and doing

  22. Step 22: and don't talk

  23. Step 23: and drink until everyone else does.

Detailed Guide

Also note that your participation in Jewish customs, as led by your hosts, does not obligate you to anything in any way, nor will it nullify or "de-commit" you from your own spiritual path.

Many non-Jews are open-minded to learning about how Jews live.

For the same reason, if you are a woman, do not expect hugs, kisses, or handshakes from Orthodox men. , If it's an Orthodox Jewish home, and you're a woman, wear a modest (covers elbows, knee-length or longer hemline, no exposed decolletage), dressy dress, or blouse and skirt.

If you're a man, wear a suit and tie, and you're likely to receive a kippah (skullcap) for your head.

If it's NOT an Orthodox home, business casual clothes are likely appropriate. , Depending on the level of observance, there may be further discussion for you to participate in centered around the biblical narrative for the week (after a brief description of the narrative is given- comments and opinions welcome), and singing.

Shabbat is the celebration of The Creation and the Jews' (and humanity's) place in it- completed in 6 days, with G-d resting (and commanding the Jews also to rest) on the 7th day.

A festive meal and drinks are served. , Be prepared to spend at least 2 to 4 hours at the dining room table (you may want to eat a significant snack before you go- the full meal isn't served for an hour or two after your arrival), because Passover is the holiday in which the Jews were freed from slavery in Egypt, and the story itself is read from a Haggadah (Jewish book) along with prayers and songs. , A good host will help guide you (and be reminding everyone else at the table- it's part of the culture to continuously explain what's going on and why), so relax and enjoy!

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Elizabeth Wells

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