How to Deal With a Confrontation
Assess the situation., Try to calm the aggressor., Hear the person out., Depersonalize the situation., Leave if you need to.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Assess the situation.
Most confrontations are strictly verbal, but depending on the people involved, there may be a potential for violence.
This is where confrontations can get really scary, and the nature of such a situation needs to be carefully evaluated.
Your safety, and the safety of everyone involved, should be the first concern whenever any conflict arises.Always trust your gut.
If you don't feel comfortable in a given situation, excuse yourself and leave (if possible).
Don't be afraid to ask for outside help/support, whether it's someone to moderate the discussion or simply someone to be there for comfort.
Determine whether or not you can safely deal with the person/people initiating the confrontation.
If you can handle it, then proceed with caution and consider bringing in a third party to watch or help.
If you cannot handle it, then leave.
If you feel that your safety or the safety of those around you is threatened, call the police. -
Step 2: Try to calm the aggressor.
If you feel safe proceeding with the situation, try your best to remain calm and to calm the other person.
You can do this by being aware of how you carry yourself, in terms of both spoken words and unspoken body language.Use neutral, non-confrontational body language.
Avoid crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, avoiding eye contact, or turning away from the person.
This can convey frustration, resentment, or disrespect, which could make the situation worse.
Speak in a calm voice.
Be warm, respectful, and courteous, both in your words and your tone.
Apologize, even if you haven't done anything wrong.
Try to sympathize with the other person.
For example, say something like, "I'm sorry that happened.
I understand that you must be very frustrated." Resist the urge to give commands.
Don't try to order a person to calm down.
Instead, let your words and actions create a calm, comfortable environment.
Let the other person be responsible for what happens next by saying something like, "I would like to help you, but I need you to calm down first."
Many people who escalate a conflict are frustrated that their concerns are not being heard.
A person may feel ignored or invalidated, which can lead to resentment, frustration, and anger.
Once you've managed the other person's emotional reaction, you can talk to him calmly to figure out what the real problem is.
The key to de-escalating any situation is to let the person voice his concerns so that you can work together to arrive at a solution.Ask the individual to tell you what happened from his own perspective.
Let the other person voice his thoughts, feelings, concerns, and expectations.
Consider taking notes on what the other person is saying, to show that you are taking the matter under serious consideration and valuing his input.
Try to understand the root cause of the problem so that you can determine what needs to be done to resolve the conflict. , If the person you're trying to talk to is angry with you, you need to listen without reacting.
If that individual is angry at someone else and you are trying to intervene, avoid taking sides or jumping to conclusions.
No matter what the nature of the conflict might be, taking a calm, unbiased approach will help you decide how to proceed in a way that everyone will benefit from.Don't take anything personally that the other person says.
He is probably speaking from an emotional place, and most likely does not mean the things he says.
Getting defensive or angry with him will only escalate his anger.
Think before you speak and choose your words carefully.
Try taking a deep breath before you say anything so that your mind is calm and your words are well-considered.
Avoid using any judgmental language.
Let the person speak his mind without fear of retribution. , An important part of any confrontation is being able to recognize when a person cannot be calmed.
Some people are short-tempered, while others may simply feel victimized and will not be open to compromise.
No matter what the circumstances of your situation are, remember that if you feel unsafe or if you can tell the matter will not be peacefully resolved, you have the right to disengage from the conversation and leave.
Remember that you have the right to be treated with respect, and you have the right to protect yourself from physical, mental, or emotional harm.If you feel unsafe or your rights are being violated and you know it will not end well, tell the person you feel unsafe and you need to leave.
Then leave the room, and if necessary, call for help. -
Step 3: Hear the person out.
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Step 4: Depersonalize the situation.
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Step 5: Leave if you need to.
Detailed Guide
Most confrontations are strictly verbal, but depending on the people involved, there may be a potential for violence.
This is where confrontations can get really scary, and the nature of such a situation needs to be carefully evaluated.
Your safety, and the safety of everyone involved, should be the first concern whenever any conflict arises.Always trust your gut.
If you don't feel comfortable in a given situation, excuse yourself and leave (if possible).
Don't be afraid to ask for outside help/support, whether it's someone to moderate the discussion or simply someone to be there for comfort.
Determine whether or not you can safely deal with the person/people initiating the confrontation.
If you can handle it, then proceed with caution and consider bringing in a third party to watch or help.
If you cannot handle it, then leave.
If you feel that your safety or the safety of those around you is threatened, call the police.
If you feel safe proceeding with the situation, try your best to remain calm and to calm the other person.
You can do this by being aware of how you carry yourself, in terms of both spoken words and unspoken body language.Use neutral, non-confrontational body language.
Avoid crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, avoiding eye contact, or turning away from the person.
This can convey frustration, resentment, or disrespect, which could make the situation worse.
Speak in a calm voice.
Be warm, respectful, and courteous, both in your words and your tone.
Apologize, even if you haven't done anything wrong.
Try to sympathize with the other person.
For example, say something like, "I'm sorry that happened.
I understand that you must be very frustrated." Resist the urge to give commands.
Don't try to order a person to calm down.
Instead, let your words and actions create a calm, comfortable environment.
Let the other person be responsible for what happens next by saying something like, "I would like to help you, but I need you to calm down first."
Many people who escalate a conflict are frustrated that their concerns are not being heard.
A person may feel ignored or invalidated, which can lead to resentment, frustration, and anger.
Once you've managed the other person's emotional reaction, you can talk to him calmly to figure out what the real problem is.
The key to de-escalating any situation is to let the person voice his concerns so that you can work together to arrive at a solution.Ask the individual to tell you what happened from his own perspective.
Let the other person voice his thoughts, feelings, concerns, and expectations.
Consider taking notes on what the other person is saying, to show that you are taking the matter under serious consideration and valuing his input.
Try to understand the root cause of the problem so that you can determine what needs to be done to resolve the conflict. , If the person you're trying to talk to is angry with you, you need to listen without reacting.
If that individual is angry at someone else and you are trying to intervene, avoid taking sides or jumping to conclusions.
No matter what the nature of the conflict might be, taking a calm, unbiased approach will help you decide how to proceed in a way that everyone will benefit from.Don't take anything personally that the other person says.
He is probably speaking from an emotional place, and most likely does not mean the things he says.
Getting defensive or angry with him will only escalate his anger.
Think before you speak and choose your words carefully.
Try taking a deep breath before you say anything so that your mind is calm and your words are well-considered.
Avoid using any judgmental language.
Let the person speak his mind without fear of retribution. , An important part of any confrontation is being able to recognize when a person cannot be calmed.
Some people are short-tempered, while others may simply feel victimized and will not be open to compromise.
No matter what the circumstances of your situation are, remember that if you feel unsafe or if you can tell the matter will not be peacefully resolved, you have the right to disengage from the conversation and leave.
Remember that you have the right to be treated with respect, and you have the right to protect yourself from physical, mental, or emotional harm.If you feel unsafe or your rights are being violated and you know it will not end well, tell the person you feel unsafe and you need to leave.
Then leave the room, and if necessary, call for help.
About the Author
Kimberly Hughes
Brings years of experience writing about practical skills and related subjects.
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